Yesterday afternoon, I was asleep when he came to see me.
I then felt his strong, loving hands tickling me awake and his warm, handsome body right next to me.
"Wake up, my love", he told me, "it's me"!
I was speachless for a moment, and then I realized it was him, my prince charming.
We went outside for a moment, then we made love and then he put me right back to sleep. I don't know how he does that, but every time he seems to get better and better at it ... he's so good!
When he puts me to sleep, it's a very irresistible thing. I knew that if I went back to sleep I wouldn't be able to sleep at night, but no matter how I don't want to go back to bed, I do it anyway just to feel him so cloce to me, holding me tight, and feel myself wrapped up in his arms. Once I'm there, it's like I colapse in them, die in them, with so good of a skill he has to do what he does.
That was all of my day with him yesterday, a friend of his said he was coming over, but he never called him back so we went right back to sleep.
Then we woke up at almost midnight, said Hi to Cokie, who was just coming back home, and then she told me: "Have fun"!
I told them that I didn't want to go back to sleep, but since he was here, he put me to sleep because I slept all day long, but since he was here, he put me back to sleep with his skillful ways again, it was like magic!
I didn't realize it until I woke up at 4:00 this morning. He woke up shortly after, and then he took me out for breakfast.
Right after breakfast, though, when we came back home and we went back to bed, supposedly to cuddle for a few minutes, I felt more his than ever before!
It was the way he was keewarming me up after a cold morning. He had one arm under the pillow, as usual, then held me cloce to him with his right, leaning sideways, with my legs squeezed in between his, and from time to time he'd press my body against him, and said, "Mine, mine"! it was like he was claiming me, I loved it. I love feeling small in frint of him, currling up in his arms, and letting him take over me and do whatever he wants with me in those moments.
After a few more minutes, we fell asleep again!
The dreams I had during those time were short and sweet, most of them hard to describe with words. One of those is when I dreamed that my whole world was his kingdom, body and mind. My dreams came from him, my inspiration, all of it. If I did something right, was for him, and if I did something wrong, it was for him too. I don't know, it's kind of hard to describe it.
Anyway, then we woke up and came to Cokie's room to hang out with her while she was giving him some books. We did so many beautiful little things in there, hugging, kissing, making each other laugh, he almost made me cry a little, but it was just a joke. He also made me dance, like he always does, and most of all, he gave me a short little skyride and then moved my arms around as if I were a puppet. In my mind, I knew I was more than just crazy for him, I was consumed into him, and I often get like that and obscess in his every mood.
It was funny when he told me: "you need help", "you are beyond help", Cokie told me.
"i know", I told him, still dancing around in a frenzy. "Where can I get that kind of hep", "well," he said, "we can put you in a mental hospital, but I doubt they can help", "no they wouldn't", said Cokie. "they wouldn't", I told him, "the only one who can help me is you". "I know", he said laughing.
Again, that leads to the question of how and why did he have to be so beautiful and irresistible, so much as to win my heart in such an easy way.
When he asked me what would I do if someone would cut him with a knife, I told him, "I'd cry", I just know I would, and that is when I almost did cry a little, but I didn't because as soon as he heard the change in my tone of voice, he brought me to him, held me in his arms, and said, "I love you", and kissed me again and again. I think that by now he's starting to realize that as much as he can make me dance, sing and laugh of overjoy, he can also do the oposite, and make me cry. Like I said before, he hasn't done much himself, but when he does, it truly hurts like if his words were knives themselves, creating wounds that only he can heal back. Like our first big fight we had for example. He had to come back on Monday because it hurt like hell and I thought I was going to die if it was the end. I'm so glad he hasn't done any thing like that lately.
It was also kind of funny how I took pictures of him with my phone and he didn't even notice.
Well, then we kissed goodby and then he had to leave to catch a bus.
Note: I can't wait till the 22, when he moves in with me, one more week and he's home!
No more sad and miserable Friday nights, no more turns to cry, "except he makes me", and most of all, I'll have him with me every night during this cold winter.
What I discovered: On the last few weeks I have discovered that is not what he does, but what he is that makes my heart love him like crazy. He might not do much, but he [is] my prince charming. Believe me, it's getting to the point where I start losing notion of time, and in some instances, I get so giddy I lose my sense of direction for a moment.
Well, got to go dance while I still can.
Until next time
Claudia
AKA "Steve's girl forever"!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Poem of the Week: The meaning of Home
The meaning of Home
One day I heard someone saying
“Home is where the heart lives”,
So I shall build my home right here with you,
Because with you is where my heart lives.
Your handsome body shall be my mansion,
Your loving arms, my little nest,
Where I can sleep, safe and sound,
And where I’m always at my best.
And cradled in your hands,
Like a delicate flower,
Is my heart,
That lives to love you,
And misses you when we are apart.
Home means something different for everyone,
It’s a four lettered word that means so much,
But to me, my sweet home will always be with you,
Loving you, kissing you, feeling your warm touch.
One day I heard someone saying
“Home is where the heart lives”,
So I shall build my home right here with you,
Because with you is where my heart lives.
Your handsome body shall be my mansion,
Your loving arms, my little nest,
Where I can sleep, safe and sound,
And where I’m always at my best.
And cradled in your hands,
Like a delicate flower,
Is my heart,
That lives to love you,
And misses you when we are apart.
Home means something different for everyone,
It’s a four lettered word that means so much,
But to me, my sweet home will always be with you,
Loving you, kissing you, feeling your warm touch.
Dream-home is almost here
Well here we are!
He's moving here with us, it's amazing! I'm going to start a dream-home right here!
Well, I'm going to start this week by saying that Friday I had my first bad dream about Steven. Though I don't remember all of the details of the dream, I do remember that it was about him leaving me right there in the same breakfast table where we met, it was downright insulting and heartbreaking!
I also remember how I woke up crying from the dream, scared, sad, and almost shaking.
I called a friend I usually talk to during hard times, but he didn't answer. Then I called Bianca, my ex roommate, and she helped me feel a little bit better.
It wasn't until Steve came and healed the scars that this stupid dream left on my heart, that the memories of it didn't stop tormenting me, crossing my mind.
I cried a lot, was scared, and hoped and prayed that it never happens.
I wanted to call Steven, but I wasn't sure about calling him because I thought he might be working.
Finally he came here on Saturday, at his usual time. I was so sorry that my mind was still tormented by this dream, so I fell asleep when he wanted to practice his penny-wistle with me, I was exhausted mentally and emotionally.
"What's going on, baby? are you still thinking about that stupid dream?, don't pay much attention to those things", he told me. It wasn't what I needed to hear to let that dream go, so silently and slowly this dream was torturing me, I mean, I could not forget how real it sounded, that beautiful voice saying the words that hurt me the most, and how sadly I cried bbefore I finally shook myself away from that bad dream, how bitter where the tears I cried, how scary it was, etc.
Finally, when I thought I was going to cry in front of him, I took courage, and told him: "I just need to know one thing before we go to sleep", "What, about the dream?", he said sighing, I didn't know if it was of irritation, or because he was tired. "Yes, I need you to do me a favor and tell me this will never happen so I can have some sleep tonight". I guess he knew by the tone of my voice that I really needed to hear that, or I wasn't going to be able to let that dream go away.
"Honey," he said, in a soft, deep tone of voice, the kind that gets right to my heart when I need it to, "I won't do that. I won't ever leave you like that. I love you very much and I make time to come here to make you happy", he said as he held me in his arms and conforted me, with one hand on my heart and another one softly caressing my hair and then holding my hand. I could feel him healing me like a skilled surgeon would bind up a wound to stop it from bleeding. Only theseee were emotional cuts, the kind of cuts that are invisible and can only be healed with intense, powerful love.
I felt a lot better. Then he told me about his work and why he wouldn't stay in the relationship if he didn't really love me and was serious about it.
Then he ended the healing session by making love to me and blowing my mindd free from that stupid nightmare.
We went to sleep a little earlier than usual and then I woke up and watched him sleep peacefully like a baby.
Then the next morning, we talked and laughed for a while, then he talked to Cokie and then we kissed goodbye and he left for his lunch.
I was very relieved, and happy to see him as usual.
The good news came yesterday, when he called and told me he will be here startin November 22. I was in a shock of excitement. He also told me he was going to come today, and he did.
He came this morning to talk to Cokie, who was getting dressed for work.
Then we hung out for a while and Cokie and him came to an agreement that it was going to be the 22. Then we went to the store to get drinks and then came back to talk so more, about our plans, our day, about us!
When we were in Cokie's room and she was doing something for him in the computer, he held me close, and I currled into his arms like a ball. We laughed, hugged, kissed, moved around, and I loved it and was happy as as sunshine.
About 30 minutes before he left, we were sitting in the couch and I could feel, by the movement of his hands, his voice, everything else, how he told me that he loved me very much, and I told him I love him to, very, very much. I could feel how he was building up that "Bag of Dreams" deep within me, like a weaver who is weaving some enchanted fine thread into a marvelous peace of find artistry.
I still could not belive what I was hearing.
note: Cokie could tell that I was also feeling kind of dizzy . Since we got back from the store to the time he left, I found it kind of hard to walk on a straight line.Then after we kept talking and so on, he and Cokie left and I took a nice, long nap.
News:
My dream-home will start here, even before my birthday, amazing!
I'm going to spend Thanks-giving with my parents, and maybe I will spend my birthdaywith mom too.
I want it to be a home-coming birthday, but at the same time I want to party, or at least get together with my family celebrating my 24th birthday.
Then I think Steven is going to have a break for our anniversary, I hope we could do something special.
Well, got to go, llaters!
He's moving here with us, it's amazing! I'm going to start a dream-home right here!
Well, I'm going to start this week by saying that Friday I had my first bad dream about Steven. Though I don't remember all of the details of the dream, I do remember that it was about him leaving me right there in the same breakfast table where we met, it was downright insulting and heartbreaking!
I also remember how I woke up crying from the dream, scared, sad, and almost shaking.
I called a friend I usually talk to during hard times, but he didn't answer. Then I called Bianca, my ex roommate, and she helped me feel a little bit better.
It wasn't until Steve came and healed the scars that this stupid dream left on my heart, that the memories of it didn't stop tormenting me, crossing my mind.
I cried a lot, was scared, and hoped and prayed that it never happens.
I wanted to call Steven, but I wasn't sure about calling him because I thought he might be working.
Finally he came here on Saturday, at his usual time. I was so sorry that my mind was still tormented by this dream, so I fell asleep when he wanted to practice his penny-wistle with me, I was exhausted mentally and emotionally.
"What's going on, baby? are you still thinking about that stupid dream?, don't pay much attention to those things", he told me. It wasn't what I needed to hear to let that dream go, so silently and slowly this dream was torturing me, I mean, I could not forget how real it sounded, that beautiful voice saying the words that hurt me the most, and how sadly I cried bbefore I finally shook myself away from that bad dream, how bitter where the tears I cried, how scary it was, etc.
Finally, when I thought I was going to cry in front of him, I took courage, and told him: "I just need to know one thing before we go to sleep", "What, about the dream?", he said sighing, I didn't know if it was of irritation, or because he was tired. "Yes, I need you to do me a favor and tell me this will never happen so I can have some sleep tonight". I guess he knew by the tone of my voice that I really needed to hear that, or I wasn't going to be able to let that dream go away.
"Honey," he said, in a soft, deep tone of voice, the kind that gets right to my heart when I need it to, "I won't do that. I won't ever leave you like that. I love you very much and I make time to come here to make you happy", he said as he held me in his arms and conforted me, with one hand on my heart and another one softly caressing my hair and then holding my hand. I could feel him healing me like a skilled surgeon would bind up a wound to stop it from bleeding. Only theseee were emotional cuts, the kind of cuts that are invisible and can only be healed with intense, powerful love.
I felt a lot better. Then he told me about his work and why he wouldn't stay in the relationship if he didn't really love me and was serious about it.
Then he ended the healing session by making love to me and blowing my mindd free from that stupid nightmare.
We went to sleep a little earlier than usual and then I woke up and watched him sleep peacefully like a baby.
Then the next morning, we talked and laughed for a while, then he talked to Cokie and then we kissed goodbye and he left for his lunch.
I was very relieved, and happy to see him as usual.
The good news came yesterday, when he called and told me he will be here startin November 22. I was in a shock of excitement. He also told me he was going to come today, and he did.
He came this morning to talk to Cokie, who was getting dressed for work.
Then we hung out for a while and Cokie and him came to an agreement that it was going to be the 22. Then we went to the store to get drinks and then came back to talk so more, about our plans, our day, about us!
When we were in Cokie's room and she was doing something for him in the computer, he held me close, and I currled into his arms like a ball. We laughed, hugged, kissed, moved around, and I loved it and was happy as as sunshine.
About 30 minutes before he left, we were sitting in the couch and I could feel, by the movement of his hands, his voice, everything else, how he told me that he loved me very much, and I told him I love him to, very, very much. I could feel how he was building up that "Bag of Dreams" deep within me, like a weaver who is weaving some enchanted fine thread into a marvelous peace of find artistry.
I still could not belive what I was hearing.
note: Cokie could tell that I was also feeling kind of dizzy . Since we got back from the store to the time he left, I found it kind of hard to walk on a straight line.Then after we kept talking and so on, he and Cokie left and I took a nice, long nap.
News:
My dream-home will start here, even before my birthday, amazing!
I'm going to spend Thanks-giving with my parents, and maybe I will spend my birthdaywith mom too.
I want it to be a home-coming birthday, but at the same time I want to party, or at least get together with my family celebrating my 24th birthday.
Then I think Steven is going to have a break for our anniversary, I hope we could do something special.
Well, got to go, llaters!
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Do you believe in Forever?
I know that's a question people who are in love are always wondering about, and I am no different.
Yesterday he came with his friend Luis and they practiced their song they learned last week, and then I had to teach them another song from the CD. I bet the neighbors probably heard them, but I didn't care, I knew he wanted to learn those songs.
Anyway, what kept me thinking yesterday was when they talked about "us jumping together" from thousands of feet off the ground. "He'd have to hold me", I told them.
"then you guys can jump up holding hands", said his friend.
I know his friend could tell how much I love him, but the answer is, could he tell?
The thing is not for his friend to notice it, but for him, Steven, to know that I would go to "the End of the World" with him if I had to.
Last night, that's all I could think about.
This morning, when we woke up, he also told me that he might have to live here with Cokie for afew months before we get our dream-home. After we both were wide awake and after cuddling for a few minutes in the bed, he lay on the floor and then he wanted me to walk on his back because it started hurting. I felt a little bad noticing his handsome features on the floor, but when I walked on his back, it felt like walking on a bridge. A bridge of future, a bridge that will lead me home. After I was finished, I gave him a backrub, I thought it might help a little more.
I've also noticed that he's already starting the preparations for our anniversary, so I might as well do the same.
I can't believe it! One more month and we'll be a year together, our first year!
Wait, and before he left, I told him: "i will always love you." "I hope so", he said.
"I hope you always love me, too!", I told him.
"Probably", he said, and smiled teasingly. I didn't like the smingin of doubt in his voice. In my mind, I thought, "I would die if you told me you didn't love me". I just hope he doesn't break my heart all of the sudden, especially not now.
That's all for now, kind of a short weekend, I know.
Dream-home news: "I finally told mom a bout my dream-home. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
I had to tell her because she told me: "I've heard on the radio as I was on my way to work, that God gives us kids to guide them, to help them grow and mature into young adults until they find their own way. Then they go away".
I cried, silently, painfully, and then I said: "mom, I have something to tell you but I don't know how".
I think she'd already expected the answer to "Don't tell me, you're moving in with him
"Yes Mom", I said timidly. I expected her to go mad or to ask questions such as when, where, how, but all she told me was: "That's the way of life, my daughter, you're growing up".
She's finally realizing that I am no longer a little girl, that I'm growing up into a young woman, and I'm so proud of her.
Also, if Steven does stay here it will be much easier for me to understand and love him.
Please don't forget to check out the song I got from youtube, "Forever and for Always".
That's all for now, see you next week.
Yesterday he came with his friend Luis and they practiced their song they learned last week, and then I had to teach them another song from the CD. I bet the neighbors probably heard them, but I didn't care, I knew he wanted to learn those songs.
Anyway, what kept me thinking yesterday was when they talked about "us jumping together" from thousands of feet off the ground. "He'd have to hold me", I told them.
"then you guys can jump up holding hands", said his friend.
I know his friend could tell how much I love him, but the answer is, could he tell?
The thing is not for his friend to notice it, but for him, Steven, to know that I would go to "the End of the World" with him if I had to.
Last night, that's all I could think about.
This morning, when we woke up, he also told me that he might have to live here with Cokie for afew months before we get our dream-home. After we both were wide awake and after cuddling for a few minutes in the bed, he lay on the floor and then he wanted me to walk on his back because it started hurting. I felt a little bad noticing his handsome features on the floor, but when I walked on his back, it felt like walking on a bridge. A bridge of future, a bridge that will lead me home. After I was finished, I gave him a backrub, I thought it might help a little more.
I've also noticed that he's already starting the preparations for our anniversary, so I might as well do the same.
I can't believe it! One more month and we'll be a year together, our first year!
Wait, and before he left, I told him: "i will always love you." "I hope so", he said.
"I hope you always love me, too!", I told him.
"Probably", he said, and smiled teasingly. I didn't like the smingin of doubt in his voice. In my mind, I thought, "I would die if you told me you didn't love me". I just hope he doesn't break my heart all of the sudden, especially not now.
That's all for now, kind of a short weekend, I know.
Dream-home news: "I finally told mom a bout my dream-home. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
I had to tell her because she told me: "I've heard on the radio as I was on my way to work, that God gives us kids to guide them, to help them grow and mature into young adults until they find their own way. Then they go away".
I cried, silently, painfully, and then I said: "mom, I have something to tell you but I don't know how".
I think she'd already expected the answer to "Don't tell me, you're moving in with him
"Yes Mom", I said timidly. I expected her to go mad or to ask questions such as when, where, how, but all she told me was: "That's the way of life, my daughter, you're growing up".
She's finally realizing that I am no longer a little girl, that I'm growing up into a young woman, and I'm so proud of her.
Also, if Steven does stay here it will be much easier for me to understand and love him.
Please don't forget to check out the song I got from youtube, "Forever and for Always".
That's all for now, see you next week.
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