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Mom finally agreed to support me with singing lessons

Two days ago, after watching the winner of an audition on TV, mom
finally decided to talk to me about getting into singing lessons.
The Idea of the CD may not have gotten me as far as I thought it
would, or even a big standout between my family and friends as "Cokie"
did, but it was an evidence to prove to my family, especially my mom
about my singing abilities, and a way to let her know that indeed this
is what I was born to do for a lifetime. It has taken her all this
time to finally realize that and be more supportive, that it left me
thinking, I wish I would have done this before.
when she came back home, after listening to the CD in the car, she
first told me to ask my choir teacher to ask her if she knew of a
place where I could take singing lessons.
Yesterday, when we were at my doctor's appointment, we agreed that I
was going to take singing lessons in Austin toget me ready for
audition.
I can't believe my mom is finally supporting me on this, she even
told me that she was going to ask a friend of hers who is a Peruvian
music singer, on how she finally made it into the music industry.
Now the most crucial thing would be, of course, money!
I don't know why, but almost everything about music, such as singing
lessons, contests, auditions and travel arrangements, costs a lot of
money.
I'm also going to have to tell my friends and ex fans that I'm back
into singing, and that's going to take a lot of time and effort, but
maybe whenthey hear "I hope you dance", they might be more convince.
Well, that's all for now, I have to do so more research and this
kind of research is a lot of work, and then I'm going to tell mom if I
find a music school where I can get started with my lessons.
More updates on this and more
later
H I L, The Singing canary!
If I do become a famous singer some day, I will also feel better
about myself cause I like it when people like what I do.

My demos in Voice123 - The Voice Over Marketplace

Attention!, I have posted some demos in Voice 123 and now you can find them by searching for my name in Google or Yahoo!
You can easily find my demos by clicking the link below.


Voice123 - The Voice Over Marketplace - Voice Overs, Voice Actors, and Talents

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Frustrating work

I had to come back to Houston for a couple more doctor's appointments.
It was a very busy and tiring day that Monday, I had to get up
early and deal with that ACC crap, and worst of all, I didn't have my
parents picking me up as they said they were going to so I had to just
hurry up and get ready to get on the bus.
It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be, however, that OSD
thing, they finally gave me that writing class I asked for and almost
begged for last semester, but I was a little disappointed because they
didn't give me that music class that my uncle told me to ask for.
As soon as I got home, I got ready to come to Houston. I had to bring
my laptop because I had my schedule emailed to me, and also because I
had lots of work to do regarding my music. The page where I submitted
my songs has beenrejectingmy demos, my uncle asked me to record more
songs, and I was also starting to work on finding out about singing
opportunities and auditions in Austin, almost like I did when I was
planning on becoming a pop star, such frustrating work.
For the last 4 days I've been recording almost 3 or 4 songs a day,
and only 2 of my songs stayed on the site.
The song "I hope you dance" has become a hit, however, as many people
around the family and friends talk about it. Well, maybe not as big
of a hit as "Cokie" did, the song I composed and recorded during my
popstar times. I had a larger fanbase back then and better contacts
than I do now. Besides, I was more eager and decided, I had a plan.
Now it was as if when my uncle was trying to lift me up when he
asked me to record "I hope you dance", I was so hopeless that the only
thing I would do is sleep and eat and wait for my life to end while I
was still praying for Steven to take me back. Maybe that's why.
Anyway, I am glad I brought this computer here.
I went to my appointment the next day with mom, and in the waiting
room I made a big mistake by telling her that the reason why my uncle
wanted me to go see him was because he offered to help me with my
singing. From that day on mom went into a rage every time I mentioned
something about singing outside the house. She doesn't mind me
singing, but is definitely reluctant to help me travel to California
so that my uncle can take me to audition.
I'm trying to make it so that my uncle can talk to her, preferably
before I go back to Austin, but mom refuses to call him whatsoever.
Two days ago my grandma from peru called me and talked to me,
telling me of how she heard the songs and that she liked them. She
told someone else that she would like a CD with the recorded tunes,
and just yesterday I finished recording the CD. I was supposed to
make 4 or 5 copies, but only 2 CD's worked, the 3 left were not
recording, and I didn't have anymore CD's. Just a few minutes ago, I
found out that one of the CD's I recorded had only 5 songs, out of the
16 songs I recorded, I didn't know what to do. When they were about
to leave, my sister found me a blank CD, thank God it worked.
As far as auditions in Austin, I only found 1 place willing to post
their address to the website where I was searching. It's in
Flugerville, just 7 minutes from Austin, but STS doesn't go there. I
called the cab and asked what the cabfair was from the apartment to
the address on the site, 38 dollars to get there and 38 more back,
that's more than $60 total, and I still have to save money for my trip
to California. How frustrating!
Well, gotta go now, I'm really tired because I spent almost half the
night recording the CD and making copies, so as soon as I finish this
post I'm going to bed. That's the good thing about this, no one
tells me when to do the work as long as I have it done, and then I can
sleep in the morning.
Laters
H I L, am I going to make it this time?

Back Home

I came home on Thursday evening, right after a doctor's appointment.
The first thing that crossed my mind when I arrived was Steven, ifhe
would take me back or not,and if he did how would he, etc. I prayed
"please let him take me back and give me one more chance". I got home
and the door was locked, I said "oh, no, he might not take me back".
I knocked and knocked, and then Steven came and open the door. Then
silence, game. I put my stuff up, and then went to the bed, but
nothing. More prayers. "What's going on?" I thought. Then he told me
he missed me, "good" I thought, "at least he missed me, there's
hope". He played his game for a few more minutes, then he shut his
computer down and asked: "where are you going to sleep tonight?" I
tried so hard not to sound nervous, but my tears slowly revealed
themselves. "I don't know, I thought that perhaps I should sleep in
the couch maybe, it depends." "on what?", he asked, "if you make up
your mind", I told him.
He thought for a moment, then he laughed softly to himself, then
he said: "I can almost hear your thoughts, Oh God, please let him
take me back!, isn't that what you were thinking?" , "how do you
know?"?", "experience", he said. "not if you don't want to. I
can't make you take me back". Then he explained how he went through
the same thing at one time in his life. More praying, but this time,
silence, quiet, not a voice to be heard. "do you want to come
outside with me?, he asked, "I think you told me that I was not
allowed to come outside with you because I wasn't your girlfriend
anymore", "yah, right, you're not my girlfriend anymore, come on!,
let's go outside". I followed him to the porch, then sat down, deep
in thought, as he smoked. Then I got up from my seat, and with my
head up as if looking out at the balcony, I thought that if he doesn't
take me back I was going to tell my parents that I would go with them
and stay in Houston.
Then we went back inside, and we talked about what happened, and
about what I've done. It was almost as if he was trying to make sure
that I realized what I did to him, and I told him that I did, he
said, "are you sure?, "yes I told him". "I want you to be very
sure", he said, as we lay in the bed together, this time he was
holding my hands in his. It was a crucial moment for me, I was
struggling not to cry as he slowly sat next to him, then leaned
forward and kissed me, just like he did for the first time. "don't
cry", he said softly, "I still love you." Then he suddenly started
tickling me, and I was laughing and crying at the same time. It was
as if I was offering myself to him, pleading without saying a word
that he doesn't change his mind, but relaxed that this time he knew
what was on my mind. He hugged me, sweetly, tenderly, just like he
used to do,and then he lay close to me. "you know, Cokie asked me a
couple of weeks ago if I would take you back?", I smiled at him
weakly, "really?, what did you say?", he chuckled,"that I would, as
long as I don't find a short sighted chick who can drive a nice car."
"and did you?" I asked, "No. I found some pretty ones but they
weren't for me". I just listened. "You are not sleeping in the
couch, you are not going anywhere, you're staying right here with me.
And you no what, masturbation's getting old", I know", I told him.
"how?" he asked, "it's getting old for me too". He didn't need to
asked if I was coming to bed with him, he already knew, and slowly he
pulled me closer to him and began to take off my clothes and kiss me
all over, as if he were exploring every corner of my body. He knew
what was on my mind, and it was time I gave myself to him, so I
curled up like a little bowl in his hands, and let him take me. It
was a very intimate, very emotional time as he, by kissing me, hugging
me and making love to me, healed the scars that this other dude left
when he broke my heart, and rebuilded that bag of dreams I have
broken. I made love to him, riding on him as I used to, but for some
reason I could not really do it like I used to, it's been so long.
Then I lay under him and he finished off what he started, I was
exhausted, out of breath, and hot as if the sun were shining straight
at me. I asked him to give me some water because I was choking in my
own air. When he came back and after I drank almost the whole bottle,
I lay in his arms and listened to him. "Do you really don't mind me
being boring?" "I rather stand you being boring,than put up with
being lied to", I answered. "not a nice position to be in, is it?" I
didn't answer, but I think hecouldfeel how angry I was whenthis dude,
I don't even want to say his name, told me about her. "don't worry, I
was expecting it. I Love you", he said over andover, and then put his
book on for a while as I collapsed in his arms and drifted off to
sleep.
Then I woke up early the next day to go register at ACC. A bad
experience. It was almost an hour before someone from counseling
called me and told me that I had 3 holds, one from counseling, one for
Math, and one for OSD. I went to the counselor, but all she told me
was to go to OSD. Same thing with the math. I was expecting that,
they have been doing that with me all year long last year.
I also told the counselor to help me request some career assessment
because I told them that I was about to change my plan to either music
or writing, and they told me I needed some kind of permission to take
those classes. I still have to wait till Monday because I also have a
machine I have to return, and then I'm going to look on what I need to
do to get there stupid permission. What these people don't know is
that there fucken permission means nothing to me compared with the
fact that I am only trying to get singing lessons because I will go to
California at the end of the year to audition for Holliwood, weather I
have their ermision or not. I don't think I'll be very upset if I
don't make it, t would just mean that I would come back home to Steven
and my writing as I told him once, when he was joking about me making
it big in 10 years and meeting some "Justin Timberlake to marry". "Ah
Ah", I told him, "I promiced myself that I wouldn't do that anymore",
"do what?" "Leave you for somebody else, I don'twant that to happen
again." "you never know what the future holds", he told me. "You
know what?, if I do make it to Holliwood I would take you with me".
"oh no, I don't like California", he told me. He explained to me
that people are not allowed to smoke there, unless they were at home.
"then I'll come visit you." "we'll see", that's all he said.

This evening, after he finished playing his game, he showed me all
the music he got from my computer, and we were singing: "you are my
angel", and "hero", 2 of the songs I sang for himduring our first 2
months toghther. It was fun.

Well, gotta go,I have to wake up early on Monday because I have to
go to ACC again, then mom's going to comepick me up and take me to
Houston for some other doctors appointments, then I might stay in
Houston to spen July 28 there, or I might come back before that, as he
said, we'll see.

Laters
H I L,dashing forward to the future.

An Old dream came back to life

An Old dream came back to life

After I spent at least a whole month wishing I could get everything
over with, my uncle Cesar, who lives in California, called me up and
told me that there was a song he wanted to hear me sing. For a moment
I thought he was crazy. "I don't really sing anymore", I thought, but
didn't say anything, "I just sing as a hobby". But then it occurred
to me that he was trying to gigive me an opportunity. A few days
passed, but I didn't get the song. I tried to look it up on you-tube,
but I couldn't find it.
I called him up, but still, nothing. Then he called me with the song
in hand, and after letting me hear it, he told me to look it up on
you-tube and to sing it and record it for him. "It's so beautiful!",
I said as I heard it and began smiling. I was stunned for a moment,
he's watedall this time to tell me he wanted to help me with my
singing, and evenat the time I wanted to be a popstar he acted asif it
weremy fault I couldn't get to the top, never saying anything like,
"just send me the song and I'll show it around". But now, when he
told me those exact, same words, I set to work at once, reviewed the
song, recorded the song with my voice and sent it to him by email.
This took only a few days, but even though at first it felt as if it
was hard work, then it felt so familiar to me, recording the song.
It's been years since I've sang and recorded a song for anybody, and
if I did record a song, I would delete it, or put it on a CD and then
threw it away at the bus-stop.
But this was different.
When he got the song, he suggested that I immediately lookefor a
page in which to upload it as a demo.
I remembered subscribing to one such page during my popstar years,
but because I wasn't able to get any of my music in mp3 at the time, I
couldn't upload any demos. It was hard work, updating my account in
the page, in addition to looking for other similar pages in google,
but just yesterday I managed to upload the demo. In fact, I uploaded
2 demos, "I hope you dance", which is the song he gave me, and "More
than words", a song I learned to play on my ocarina, but also managed
to learn the lyrics for it.
I'm doing well, so far, except that I feel weird because on Sunday I
got bit by a bee on my right foot, and today as I went swimming with
my little sister, I bent one of my left toes. My right toe is swollen
and it was leaking earlier, and the toe I bent still hurts a little,
but other than that I'm Ok.
As far as Steven goes, I still have a chance with him, but he hasn't
really told me that he's forgiven me yet, he says there's not much to
forgive, I think maybe he's just waiting for me to get home to give me
a definite answer, so I'm not too worried about it for now, I have
greater things to worry about, such as my next demos and how am I
going to get to California, and if I do make it to Holliwood next
year, am I going to have to stay there or would I be able to come back
to Texas?
Well, I don't know yet, but I sure hope that this time, nothing or
no one tries to stop me from chasing that very old dream that's come
back to live once again.
Note: I've always wanted to be a singer, ever since I was a little
girl. I remember running out of a boring class, down to the music
room, and how everyone applauded me after a performance, weather it
was a choir performance, or just singing by myself, a solo.
I just hope that now, there's no stoppings, weather because of
health, or my family, or anything.

More updates later
H I L. Or should I say, the singing canary? That's my casting name
for my new page, God bless the internet!