Valentine’s heartbreak


I still feel bad about Steven’s labtop being stolen and everything, but I am also feeling like crap about the whole valentine’s thing. For some reason, I am starting to not like holidays, even my favorite one.
I also don’t understand why he said he would make it up to me and he didn’t, it’s disappointing.

I woke up this morning with his phone ringing, it was a message, so it rang every ten minutes or so and it drove me crazy. After doing who knows what, he went back to bed with me and we made love for a few minutes. Then he was holding me, cuddling with me like if he didn’t want to let me go or something. That part was good, except that I could tell that he was trying to put me back to sleep.
I also liked that part because he didn’t really listened to his book, until later.
I had to get up to put away my laundry because my grandparents are coming with my dad tomorrow to drop off some stuff, and they want to see how we are doing.
He was playing the game BTW.
I hung up my clothes, but then he started listening to his book and acting real lazy.
I was stunned by his behavior in valentines day?
I know I said this many times, but maybe he isn’t really in love with me, maybe he just likes the sex and the making.
Anyway, then we went to H E B, nothing wrong with that, I needed to go there there anyway to buy more bauchers for my rides to school, although I really wish we would’ve gone somewhere else as well, like to the park or to the lake.
Anyway, he said that when we got back home that we would listen to some music or sing a little bit, but guess what? More book.
He played the guitar for a little bit, but then I had to watch Cokie coming home with her husband. Tommy, her husband, married another woman a few years ago, but they still see each other, at least once a week, and even though Cokie is stil a little upset about this other woman, they seem to still love and care for each other like Steven and I once did.
What got me really upset was how Cokie was all excited about him riding the train with her, they both sounded so romantic, so ecstatic, but we? Nothing.
They were hugging and kissing and talking about us, and about my new labtop. He even wanted to come to my room, but I scared him off so he stayed in Cokie’s room.
Then he finally left, not without Cokie waiting outside with him before his cab got here. I am not really sure if he left her flowers or candles, but I’m so sure that it was something good and lovely, something I wish Steven would’ve given me instead of just listening to his boring book.
Even if he would’ve given me a note or a love shower, it would’ve meant something to me. That’s why I went into the bathroom, called Britany and cried. I think Steven noticed, because he slammed the door when he went to bed.
IT was all really stupid, a really heartbreaking experience, and that’s why right now I don’t give a dam about valentine’s day and I’m glad it’s almost over.
Britany went party with her friends, and they were even laughing at me.
Well, now that I got my labtop, I might write more often, so I’m thinking of renaming this blog, and call it my daily journal. With Steven living here with me, it might do me some good.

Laters:
A heartbroken H I L