My trip to Dallas was ausom, in part. I met Steven's family, which
was the coolest part of the whole thing, and Terry, Steven's best
friend, who I first thought was his sister,and I loved his mom.
She was the sweetest woman I've ever met, well, besides Cokie,
though Cokie kind of lost some of her sweetness months ago.
Anyway, Steven wanted to get the room, then Terry took us to eat at
Tacobell, and I got that taco sallad I like, and then I finally got to
meet his mom at her house.
His mom hugged me as soon as she saw me, which made everyone smile
and do the same.
Then we went to Steven's friend's party. It was kind of boring at
first but then I danced with his friend Terry and sang "Bag of
Dreams", and I had an OK time.
Then the next day we just went to pick up some stuff and then we spent
time with his family. I absolutely loved his mom. Even though his
sister was as cool as I wish mine was, and even though Terry said she
likes me, his mom was the only one in the family who radiated some
kind of spiritual light, as if her heart, mind and spirit were
stronger than her body, or as if she were touched by an angel. She
was the only one in his family who offered me to have dinner with me
and who wanted my email address to talk to me.
Then they all were watching TV, and I started to get bored as I
always get bored when I have to watch TV, and that's when Steven
started to change. He became madder, more angry, not just at me, but
of everything in general. He had always been mad or angry at
something, but now it's like his anger has changed. It had lost the
touch of sweetness it had before, making it harder for me to talk to
him, and to love him.. We went back and went straight to bed.
We came back to Austin on Sunday.
And this week has been a very short week because I only went to school
on Monday.
My birthday sucked, except for Steven not getting on the game, it was very sad.
My family called me, as they usually do on my birthday, and they
were asking if I was doing anything fun, but I didn't know what to
tell them. Steven got mad at me for that, and because I told him we
should at least do something different, even if it was here at home,
because it was raining all day.
"but I took you to Dallas, what else do you want?" he started to say,
and after slamming the door in my face, he began telling me that when
I go to Houston, to not bother to come back again, and a lot other
nonsense that I can't write here. I think now that he was just
being crappy, and maybe the fact that Ben, my cab driver fan, brought
me some flhem flowers and he was at the door, had something to do with
it.
Those beautiful flowers have helped me not to commit suicide as I
struggled to remain calm and leave Steven alone after the fight. I
called Ben and told him about it, and it felt good that at least
someone was there.
As I said yesterday, I celebrated my birthday after my birthday.
Steven apologyzed for the crap he have caused that sad day, but it
was too late. Nothing will be the same as it once were.
Even though I may love him for all my life, even if we might be
together for years, I can't get as close to him as I would like
because of his anger and his ability to pull me away from him if I say
something he doesn't like or do something his way. I tried to tell
him many times, and I'll do it again, that if he keeps doing that ,
it's going to destroy our relationship.
I made up for my birthday the next day, I went to my old school to see
my friends, and after that,, Brittany took me to her house and made me
3 CD's and a fruit-salad birthday cake.
I stayed with her until 3, and then I came home and listened to my
CD's and of course, danced.
I loved it!
Well that's it for now, also I want to remind anyone who is
interested that this December 8, at 7:30 pm, is my choir show at, you
wouldn't believe this, a church.
I always hated singing in church, but I'll do it anyway because that
would be my first chance, after 3 years, to get back up on stage.
Steven, my voice teacher, and maybe Brittany will come see me.
That's all for today, I'll write again next time.
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