Yesterday when he came I was already ready for him, as always. I didn't think that we were going to do anything different, that it was going to be samo-samo, but not really.
No news for yesterday, we did the same thing, made love, fell asleep watching movies, but when I woke up he wanted me to watch more and one more movie so it was kind of boring. Before watching the movies though, he asked me a question that I thought he wouldn't, but it sounded like it came from his heart. "If I jumped off a bridge would you jump with me?" he said. "Yes, I will", I said. "In fact, even if you went to jail I would come with you", I told him, trying to show him that my love for him is so true, so real.
"I won't do it, I just wanted to know", he told me.
I don't care how crazy that may sound in front of others, even my parents, but I would do it anyway.
I had to stand him watching 3 movies in a row, and when the fourth movie came I couldn't stand it anymore, so I put my headphones on and started listening to him singing Blues Travelers on my recorder, then I raised the volume a bit too much and heard the song I sang for him at our friend Sara's appartment the night that Cokie took me in. Hi knows how much I love that song BTW.
Anyway, I finally got him distracted off the movie. As soon as he heard the song, he signaled me in his cute ways, then I found myself wrapped on his loving arms with him climing on top of me, laughing, tickling me playfully.
You weren't watching the movie, were you?
"How did you find out?, I asked, laughing.
"I heard it."
"I thought you were watching the movie", and he finally told me, "I can pay attention to more than one thing at a time, but I'll turn it off if you want me to and listen to my book."
So he turned it off and I put some music on while he listened to his book, and then I just lay there, cuddling with him.
We fell asleep shortly after, he did first, and then, after watching him sleep with those loving hands around me for about an hour, I fell asleep too.
I woke up before he did, and a few minutes later, after kissing me from time to time, he did too. I forgot to let him know that Cokie was going to make breakfast for us, but he stayed here for breakfast because Cokie told him. It was wonderful!
While Cokie was making breakfast, he was giving her movies, (well, that part was a bit boring).
But what was wonderful is what happened afterwards, when we started doing those little things that mean so much to me but are so many and some are kind of hard to describe. For example, when I was making applejuice while he went into the room and heard that song
"Bleeding love"
another song I identify myself with, and when I heard it, I finishedmaking it, then went into some kind of ecstacy and ran out to meet him, almost falling in the way. "What is she doing?" he asked Cokie. "She's falling for you", she answered.
I just laught and sat right beside him, enjoying him. "well, I heard that song so I thought I'd turn it up so you can hear it", he told me. "Thank you", told him.
Another one was when we danced around the house, (he usually doesn't), and then there were times when he'd spin me round and around and I felt like I was the moon spinning around the sun.
"She's crazy", he said. "Your beauty is driving me crazy", I told him. "I'm not beautiful," "Yes, you are, beau-ti-ful", I told him, kind of in a frenzy, spinning round with him and doing some kind of an overly excited love dance around him while he tickled me here and there, making me laugh. "Did you see that?", he said to Cokie, "no," she said.
"If you would've seen it you'd understand what I'm talking about", he replied.
I ended up kind of giddi, and then tried to walk on a strait line but instead felt like I was walking like a drunk. I was definitely out of my mind, and that happens often to me when I'm with him, more and more.
We just hung out, then I sat cloce to him while he was listening to his book. In my mind, I thought, "I even almost knocked the juice over, and watched almost 3 movies in a row, and almost fell down, and would jump off a bridge if I had to, all for him", I sighed at the thought, my hands in his, savoring the tenderness of his skin.
Then it was time for him to go, so we kissed goodbye, not before dancing around a little more, and then he left with Cokie.
After that, I went online to publish my most recent poem, "Bag of dreams".
Latest news:
I finally got to publish my poem.
ACC: Cokie found a way that I might get my books on an audio format.
Phone: Tell me was canceled, so mom is going to buy me a new phone.
Poems: my recent poem, "Bag of dreams", is rolling better than a rolling stone. A friend from ACC read it, I read it to another friend who was interested, I send it to Steven by email on Tuesday, and Steven and Cokie just talked about it today and said it was wonderful. It's amazing how many beautiful things I am experiencing in my life in the middle of the ACC crap, so many wonderful feelings expressed on paper, and so many changes still to come.
And, speaking of changes, I might even get my dreamhome by the end of the year in December, when Steven gets his own business in November and finds an apartment he can aford to rent, I'm really looking forward to it!
Well, that's all for now, more updates next week.
And by the way, you'll find my poem at
www.lovingyou.com/love poems
Laters!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Weekly Diary: Does he feel the way I do?: Poem: Bag of dreams
Bag of Dreams
Our love is like a bag of dreams,
that I carry with me every day,
it's always with me, wherever I go,
and it helps me in every step of the way.
Whenever somebody brings me down,
whether for pride, pleasure or fun,
I can draw from my bag of dreams,
and again I can feel the sun.
No matter how bad things may get,
or how miserable I might seem,
even if circumstances might make me upset,
with me, is always, my bag of dreams.
All it takes is some precious time with you,
to feel how you build it deep inside of me,
to fly away to our little world,
and to feel your loving arms all around me.
After I have had this precious time with you,
I can face almost anything,
by holding on to our wonderful dreams,
a smile to show and a song to sing.
From Claudia
to my love, Steven
Our love is like a bag of dreams,
that I carry with me every day,
it's always with me, wherever I go,
and it helps me in every step of the way.
Whenever somebody brings me down,
whether for pride, pleasure or fun,
I can draw from my bag of dreams,
and again I can feel the sun.
No matter how bad things may get,
or how miserable I might seem,
even if circumstances might make me upset,
with me, is always, my bag of dreams.
All it takes is some precious time with you,
to feel how you build it deep inside of me,
to fly away to our little world,
and to feel your loving arms all around me.
After I have had this precious time with you,
I can face almost anything,
by holding on to our wonderful dreams,
a smile to show and a song to sing.
From Claudia
to my love, Steven
Does he feel the way I do?
Last night I was in for a surprise. Even though we didn’t really do much, to me it was, I think, one of our best nights. After he came and we hang out and played with each other, he told me: “I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world”. I was stunned. I’ve felt this way since the day I met him, but found myself a little shy about it because I wasn’t sure he felt the same way too. But now, after he told me and sounded so sincere, so tender and so full of love, I simply had to tell him, and I gave him an idea of how hard Friday nights are for me when I told him: “I couldn’t sleep last night and you didn’t call, I wanted to call you but thought you were asleep” “I’m sorry”, he told me.
I turned the radio on, and while we cuddled on the bed, I told him, “It would be nicer if this radio had a remote control, that way I don’t have to reach for it”, and he told me, “We’ll have one of those on our house”. We talked about other things we haven’t before, like him being the only one in my heart, well, of course he is. If I had to choose between him, and the most rich and fun guy in the world, I would choose him, but not just because he’s handsome and so adorable, but also because he is my true love. He set me free! He had altered many of my life goals for good, and I knew since the very day I met him, that he was the one for me. I have never felt this way for anyone, and it gets stronger and stronger as time goes on. We also talked about if I had to get someone else, like if something should happen , but while I’m with him, I told him that the only thing I would do with another guy would be talk on the phone at night, like a nightfriend or something, and of course, why not, have a dancing partner if I went dancing and he wasn’t there. But I would always come home to him, no matter what.
Anyway, we took a very good nap before Cokie got home, and I dreamed so much during that nap, and then wondered if he was dreaming of me too.
Then we said Hi to Cokie when she got home, and then we went back to bed, clinging to each other tightly.
It took me hours before I could get some sleep because I just wanted to feel him cloce to me, to hear him sleep and dream, to caress his angelic hair softly with my fingertips, to kiss him, to whisper “my love” to him
To hear him breathe cloce to me and make soft little noises of pleasure while he held me tight.
Next morning he left early, but before he left, we spent a couple of hours just talking, cuddling, feeling each other’s hearts, and then the time came when I told him that “I love him more than life, more than anything”. He is so beautiful, and those few hours I have with him are the most dear to me.
I turned the radio on, and while we cuddled on the bed, I told him, “It would be nicer if this radio had a remote control, that way I don’t have to reach for it”, and he told me, “We’ll have one of those on our house”. We talked about other things we haven’t before, like him being the only one in my heart, well, of course he is. If I had to choose between him, and the most rich and fun guy in the world, I would choose him, but not just because he’s handsome and so adorable, but also because he is my true love. He set me free! He had altered many of my life goals for good, and I knew since the very day I met him, that he was the one for me. I have never felt this way for anyone, and it gets stronger and stronger as time goes on. We also talked about if I had to get someone else, like if something should happen , but while I’m with him, I told him that the only thing I would do with another guy would be talk on the phone at night, like a nightfriend or something, and of course, why not, have a dancing partner if I went dancing and he wasn’t there. But I would always come home to him, no matter what.
Anyway, we took a very good nap before Cokie got home, and I dreamed so much during that nap, and then wondered if he was dreaming of me too.
Then we said Hi to Cokie when she got home, and then we went back to bed, clinging to each other tightly.
It took me hours before I could get some sleep because I just wanted to feel him cloce to me, to hear him sleep and dream, to caress his angelic hair softly with my fingertips, to kiss him, to whisper “my love” to him
To hear him breathe cloce to me and make soft little noises of pleasure while he held me tight.
Next morning he left early, but before he left, we spent a couple of hours just talking, cuddling, feeling each other’s hearts, and then the time came when I told him that “I love him more than life, more than anything”. He is so beautiful, and those few hours I have with him are the most dear to me.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Steven's Birthday
Yesterday was Steven's birthday. Cokie and I had it all pland.
She went and got the cake a day before, and some candles.
Besides it being his birthday, it was also the day I had to take that crappy Math test, so it started as a crappy day. I have been taken to the wrong place at the wrong time, and it was also very cold and rainy.
I was late for my test and got yelled at, but I made it here on time to go to my class.
I couldn't wait to come back home and be with my love, and sing happy birthday to him.
I spent about 15 minutes out in the cold, and then, when I finally got home, Steven made my day.
He warmed me up for a few minutes because I was so cold and frustrated, and then I told him that I would like for him to stay up when Cokie got home, so we did.
We hugged and kissed in bed, and I called my parents and they wished him happy birthday.
Then I put some music on and danced a little until Cokie got home.
When Cokie got home, she brought the cake, got a few candles, and we all sang "Happy Birthday" to him. We were chatting happily and talking about it being a year, that it doesn't seem like it, it seems as it was only yesterday when we met and he seemed so young and so full of energy. Now he's 31, has a job and of course, me.
Anyway, before the party was over, he wrapped his arms around me and we were slow-dancing, singing "I can't help, falling in love with you".
It was very tender and cute, and then he kissed me and went to bed.
It really felt like if it was my birthday, and I stayed out here and danced all night long until 4 in the morning.
It was wonderful.
Anyway, got to go dance before Cokie gets home.
Laters
H I L, back to being the most in love!
She went and got the cake a day before, and some candles.
Besides it being his birthday, it was also the day I had to take that crappy Math test, so it started as a crappy day. I have been taken to the wrong place at the wrong time, and it was also very cold and rainy.
I was late for my test and got yelled at, but I made it here on time to go to my class.
I couldn't wait to come back home and be with my love, and sing happy birthday to him.
I spent about 15 minutes out in the cold, and then, when I finally got home, Steven made my day.
He warmed me up for a few minutes because I was so cold and frustrated, and then I told him that I would like for him to stay up when Cokie got home, so we did.
We hugged and kissed in bed, and I called my parents and they wished him happy birthday.
Then I put some music on and danced a little until Cokie got home.
When Cokie got home, she brought the cake, got a few candles, and we all sang "Happy Birthday" to him. We were chatting happily and talking about it being a year, that it doesn't seem like it, it seems as it was only yesterday when we met and he seemed so young and so full of energy. Now he's 31, has a job and of course, me.
Anyway, before the party was over, he wrapped his arms around me and we were slow-dancing, singing "I can't help, falling in love with you".
It was very tender and cute, and then he kissed me and went to bed.
It really felt like if it was my birthday, and I stayed out here and danced all night long until 4 in the morning.
It was wonderful.
Anyway, got to go dance before Cokie gets home.
Laters
H I L, back to being the most in love!
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Bad Girl
Hi, it's me again with the freeky weekly updates, and last weekend wasn't an exception.
After Steven came on Saturday afternoon and hanging out with Cokie, she left, and we started our passionate routine. We made it longer, and slower, and got wilder and with lots of passion. It was like we were wrapped up in flames of such passionate love and desire, that I did something really bad that I shouldn't have done even though he told me to.
While he was making love to me, on top of me moving as far as he could, first slowly, then rughly enough to blow my mind with his passion twice, he told me to hold on to his neck and to ride him, so I did, and I felt like I was indeed riding my cowboy.
I was too blown off with passion, going too wild on him and didn't want to let go, didn't want him to stop, just to stay there rocking me like only he knows how.
I was going nuts on him and he was going nuts on me as well, so when we finally stopped he found out that his back was hurting, and that we shouldn't have done that, but I couldn't help it. I can't help being a bad girl when he's around, I can't help getting too excited and so turned on that I start doing crazy stuff and don't realize what I'm doing until several minutes after I have done it, I simply apologized for hurting his back and using too much of his energy just to get high on him again.
I gave him a backrub to see if that would help him, then he wanted to watch movies, so we did and of course, I put my headphones on.
After that, we did it again, and then I took a nap.
He had a hard time sleeping at night, but it felt so good just to confort him while he was holding me, giving me a dose of his sweet loven.
Then we both finally fell a sleep in the morning, just for a few hours before my alarmclock went off, (I forgot to turn it off btw).
After that, because of his back, he had a hard time going back to sleep, and, as he put it, it hurt everytime he moved or got up or whatever, so we just spent the day being lazy, and I loved just cudling with him, making sure my baby was all right.
When suddenly, I heard Cokie's door, and Ithought, "h,crap! my dad"!
Steven played it smart, and he went to the bathroom like if nothing had happened and he was just here visiting. I got dressed as quickly as I could, brushed my teeth, and went to say Hi to my dad.
I could tell he was a little upset about that, but I just kept on like if nothing happened, and played with my little sister like big sisters do so that dad could bring my dresser and other stuff to the room.
When dad asked me why I took so long I told him I just woke up, laughed, and then changed the subject.
In my mind, I thought, "I could've gotten caught in bed with my boyfriend, I'm a bad girl".
I talked to dad for a while, then Cokie called me to help her in the kitchen, and I made some juice for my little sister and I, while Cokie was making soup. Stteven was to concentrated on his laptop trying to find out how many movies he had.
I asked dad if he could stay here for lunch, but he had to work, so he left. Steven left shortly after he did, and then Cokie went to work shortly after so I stayed here and danced the evening away, and then went to bed.
That's it, more updates next week.
ACC note: College suck! just yesterday I got dropped from a math class, hope it gets better.
After Steven came on Saturday afternoon and hanging out with Cokie, she left, and we started our passionate routine. We made it longer, and slower, and got wilder and with lots of passion. It was like we were wrapped up in flames of such passionate love and desire, that I did something really bad that I shouldn't have done even though he told me to.
While he was making love to me, on top of me moving as far as he could, first slowly, then rughly enough to blow my mind with his passion twice, he told me to hold on to his neck and to ride him, so I did, and I felt like I was indeed riding my cowboy.
I was too blown off with passion, going too wild on him and didn't want to let go, didn't want him to stop, just to stay there rocking me like only he knows how.
I was going nuts on him and he was going nuts on me as well, so when we finally stopped he found out that his back was hurting, and that we shouldn't have done that, but I couldn't help it. I can't help being a bad girl when he's around, I can't help getting too excited and so turned on that I start doing crazy stuff and don't realize what I'm doing until several minutes after I have done it, I simply apologized for hurting his back and using too much of his energy just to get high on him again.
I gave him a backrub to see if that would help him, then he wanted to watch movies, so we did and of course, I put my headphones on.
After that, we did it again, and then I took a nap.
He had a hard time sleeping at night, but it felt so good just to confort him while he was holding me, giving me a dose of his sweet loven.
Then we both finally fell a sleep in the morning, just for a few hours before my alarmclock went off, (I forgot to turn it off btw).
After that, because of his back, he had a hard time going back to sleep, and, as he put it, it hurt everytime he moved or got up or whatever, so we just spent the day being lazy, and I loved just cudling with him, making sure my baby was all right.
When suddenly, I heard Cokie's door, and Ithought, "h,crap! my dad"!
Steven played it smart, and he went to the bathroom like if nothing had happened and he was just here visiting. I got dressed as quickly as I could, brushed my teeth, and went to say Hi to my dad.
I could tell he was a little upset about that, but I just kept on like if nothing happened, and played with my little sister like big sisters do so that dad could bring my dresser and other stuff to the room.
When dad asked me why I took so long I told him I just woke up, laughed, and then changed the subject.
In my mind, I thought, "I could've gotten caught in bed with my boyfriend, I'm a bad girl".
I talked to dad for a while, then Cokie called me to help her in the kitchen, and I made some juice for my little sister and I, while Cokie was making soup. Stteven was to concentrated on his laptop trying to find out how many movies he had.
I asked dad if he could stay here for lunch, but he had to work, so he left. Steven left shortly after he did, and then Cokie went to work shortly after so I stayed here and danced the evening away, and then went to bed.
That's it, more updates next week.
ACC note: College suck! just yesterday I got dropped from a math class, hope it gets better.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Two different families, one heart
Hay all, sweetheart of the year is up and running, like an out-of-control train.
It seems like my parents finalyy understood part of the secret that bound us together, this love, stronger than words, just as strong and as tender as Steven's hands.
Since he didn't come Saturday night, he came yesterday, and I asked him to stay until today to meet my dad, who came with my mom and my little sister.
When he came, we had our ritual, our little intimate fun where he, my doctor, gives me my weekly dose of "mind-blowing" medicine. After Cokie left, we made love for a few minutes and cuddled on the bed, and then we got on the computer and sat there listening to music, singing and kissing and loving each other to the rhythm of country love songs. We sang together, and then I got so excited and started dancing, but of course, he didn't know.Then he began listening to his book, but since I had to wait for Cokie to help me with my homework, I had to keep myself awake instead of falling asleep cuddling in his arms.
Cokie came almost at midnight, and he, too, helped me with my homework.
After that, we visited with Cokie in her room for about an hour, and then went to sleep.
When we woke up this morning, mom was already on her way with my dad.
I did some homework with Cokie while we waited, and then it all started, a long day.
OK, this may sound crazy, but even though my dad didn't really like Steven's looks because he has earrings, (and in Peru men usually don't), he treated him with the upmost respect and courtesy, after seeing how happy I am with him, now this is impact!
"Claudia, my daughter, she's my little treasure", dad told Steven. "Mine too", Steven replied, and then we hugged, and dad's trembling voice began to sound like he was about to cry.
My dad must have seen the love on Steven's eyes and our expression, or perhaps it was that he realised thatI have never been happier and never felt so loved in my whole life, because from then on, he treated Steven more as a friend and a future member of the family, rather than just any stranger. I bet that if it wasn't because of the language barrier, they would have talked more, I can already tell!
My ddad then asked if they could take us somewhere for lunch, and Steven suggested Whichwich, our favorite sandwich shop.
My dad and I were the most thrilled during the whole trip.
I sat in the back seat with my 2 moms and my little sister, while Steven and my dad sat on the front, so that Steven could give my dad some directions on how to get to Whichwich. Even though the language barrier kinda stood in my dad's way to get to actually know my love, they amazingly started talking, just like any civilized 2 men would. They talked about cars and driving, and even if I usually hate it when men talk about cars, this time I felt more of a relief from my nervousness of seeing this 2 men of my life face to face.
So we got us some good sandwiches, I took some time of course, on purpose, to see what Steven and my dad will get along by themselves for a moment, and then ordered me a turkey sandwich. I enjoyed both the sandwich and steven, and then dad took some pictures of us together eating our sandwiches.
Then Steven asked my parentsto drop him off at Criss Cole, so that he could study for a test, then he told me goodbye and left.
I was now with my 2 moms, my dad was still smiling at the whole thing.
During Steven's short stay in the car, I felt like if I had 2 families that when they are put together become one big family with one same heart and one same goal, which would be to build my life around the man of my dreams.
Then we went to Walmart with Cokie, and hearing my 2 moms helping me with my shopping, it got me even more excited. I have never felt so loved in all of my days.
Then Cokie got off for work and my mom bought me some clothes, and then it was my turn to show them around. My mom said she was very proud of me and then they made some phonecalls and then they left.
I'm sure that by now my whole family is talking about my dad's amazing encounter with the man of my dreams.
Solet's see how things keep going, BTW: Steven is already talking about what he would do when we get our own place, so that means he can't wait either right?
More and more in love than ever:
Claudia
Note: If mom sends me that picture I am going to put it on my profile instead of the other one, because even if that on was cute, you'll think this one will be real coolio.
It seems like my parents finalyy understood part of the secret that bound us together, this love, stronger than words, just as strong and as tender as Steven's hands.
Since he didn't come Saturday night, he came yesterday, and I asked him to stay until today to meet my dad, who came with my mom and my little sister.
When he came, we had our ritual, our little intimate fun where he, my doctor, gives me my weekly dose of "mind-blowing" medicine. After Cokie left, we made love for a few minutes and cuddled on the bed, and then we got on the computer and sat there listening to music, singing and kissing and loving each other to the rhythm of country love songs. We sang together, and then I got so excited and started dancing, but of course, he didn't know.Then he began listening to his book, but since I had to wait for Cokie to help me with my homework, I had to keep myself awake instead of falling asleep cuddling in his arms.
Cokie came almost at midnight, and he, too, helped me with my homework.
After that, we visited with Cokie in her room for about an hour, and then went to sleep.
When we woke up this morning, mom was already on her way with my dad.
I did some homework with Cokie while we waited, and then it all started, a long day.
OK, this may sound crazy, but even though my dad didn't really like Steven's looks because he has earrings, (and in Peru men usually don't), he treated him with the upmost respect and courtesy, after seeing how happy I am with him, now this is impact!
"Claudia, my daughter, she's my little treasure", dad told Steven. "Mine too", Steven replied, and then we hugged, and dad's trembling voice began to sound like he was about to cry.
My dad must have seen the love on Steven's eyes and our expression, or perhaps it was that he realised thatI have never been happier and never felt so loved in my whole life, because from then on, he treated Steven more as a friend and a future member of the family, rather than just any stranger. I bet that if it wasn't because of the language barrier, they would have talked more, I can already tell!
My ddad then asked if they could take us somewhere for lunch, and Steven suggested Whichwich, our favorite sandwich shop.
My dad and I were the most thrilled during the whole trip.
I sat in the back seat with my 2 moms and my little sister, while Steven and my dad sat on the front, so that Steven could give my dad some directions on how to get to Whichwich. Even though the language barrier kinda stood in my dad's way to get to actually know my love, they amazingly started talking, just like any civilized 2 men would. They talked about cars and driving, and even if I usually hate it when men talk about cars, this time I felt more of a relief from my nervousness of seeing this 2 men of my life face to face.
So we got us some good sandwiches, I took some time of course, on purpose, to see what Steven and my dad will get along by themselves for a moment, and then ordered me a turkey sandwich. I enjoyed both the sandwich and steven, and then dad took some pictures of us together eating our sandwiches.
Then Steven asked my parentsto drop him off at Criss Cole, so that he could study for a test, then he told me goodbye and left.
I was now with my 2 moms, my dad was still smiling at the whole thing.
During Steven's short stay in the car, I felt like if I had 2 families that when they are put together become one big family with one same heart and one same goal, which would be to build my life around the man of my dreams.
Then we went to Walmart with Cokie, and hearing my 2 moms helping me with my shopping, it got me even more excited. I have never felt so loved in all of my days.
Then Cokie got off for work and my mom bought me some clothes, and then it was my turn to show them around. My mom said she was very proud of me and then they made some phonecalls and then they left.
I'm sure that by now my whole family is talking about my dad's amazing encounter with the man of my dreams.
Solet's see how things keep going, BTW: Steven is already talking about what he would do when we get our own place, so that means he can't wait either right?
More and more in love than ever:
Claudia
Note: If mom sends me that picture I am going to put it on my profile instead of the other one, because even if that on was cute, you'll think this one will be real coolio.
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