Belated posts

Ok, here are all the psts for June and july.


June 19’s Post

Back to being sparkly girl

Hello, I’m back to, you know, being the sparkly girl that I am when Steven comes with his cuteness, his passionate love and his charm and makes me so happy that Cokie calls me Sparkly Girl. That’s right, there’s those moments I get so, so happy that I feel like a sunshine, no matter what happens or where I am or what I’m doing.
After we said hi, and kissed, and all that good stuff,we came to listen to some music and he ordered me “Brinner”, (Breakfast at dinner), that’s what I called it.
Then I did something I shouldn’t have done and I’m still ashamed of it. I wanted to look nice for him but I didn’t really want him to know I was doing it, so I quietly went to the room and tried on a shirt that has a sequence of sparkly beats all around it, but to my bad luck, it was too big to fit me.
Exactly!
no wonder I don’t like being small, all the cute dresses and shirts are always too big for me, but I don’t want to talk to much about it because he said that’s one thing that made him fall in love with me, why or how?, I don’t know. Anyway, before I finished putting my other shirt on and come out to eat, he called out to tell me that dinner was here, until he realized I wasn’t there. How there you leave? He told me. I bet that made him thing I didn’t miss him, but I did, but I just wanted to look nice for him, wanted to express how sparkly I was to see him again by wearing something sparkly, knowing that he doesn’t like to dance.
I was ashamed of what I did for almost the rest of our brinner, but I enjoyed it, that is, the brinner, not what I’ve done.
Then he turned the computer off and we did what we did our routine of most weekends, listen to a book and go to sleep. If it wasn’t because of him, I would’ve said “Boooooooooring”, but he can put me to sleep so easily when he tries, especially with a good book.
That’s another question I ask myself, how can a born-nighter, dancing sparkly girl date somebody that all he wants to do is listen to a book and go to sleep earlier than 10:00?, but his cuteness is the answer. He’s so cute and so sweet and nice, not to mention handsome, tall and strong, and such a mightygood man, that with all that he can make me feel ready to do what he wants me to do and go wherever he wants me to go.
Well, he did a good job on putting me to sleep as he always does because too much cuteness is so irresistible, and because my body isn’t used to that much sleep, I woke up at midnight, put my earphones on and listened to the Saturday night club remixes on the radio, you know how much I loved to dance to those at home even though I wasn’t allowed to go to parties and all that, I would go to my room, put my headphones on and then get on the floor and shake my bootie to the music, pretending it was a dance floor. I always fancied myself going to a dance floor with a handsome sturdy boyfriend and some cool-looking outfit on. Now that I have both a handsome sturdy boyfriend and the clothes, to my bad luck, I can’t dance with him. I don’t mean the dance floor part, but he doesn’t even dance with me when we are by ourselves in the room! And when I think about it I get a bit disappointed.
Well, I finished listening to those, then I recorded some songs with the wire he bought me, and then when he asked me if I needed something and he put his arms around me, I realized that it was time for me to go back to sleep, so I reluctantly did.
We woke up early, another part of the routine that I will try to break one day in the future because I like to be unpredictable, we hung out with Cokie until about 1, then he gave me a skyride in his arms that made me shine even more, a big hug and a kiss and then we said goodbye and he left with Cokie, not before giving me this wonderful song: “when you really really love a woman”
I love that song because I can also identify what I feel when I listen to it, and by now I can identify myself with almost a billion songs and you know how much I love that, besides it being a good romantic dancing song.
Well, that was it for my weekend, but also I have to get ready because Cokie will be out for a week next week, so I’ll have this place to myself, and that means I’ll be able to do all kinds of naughty stuff, including dancing until 1:00 on Sunday, if not even later.
Well, gotta go, more update next week, Steven’s coming in Friday btw.
Laters:

Claudia, who is more and more in love than before that you can actually see it.


June 30, 2008

Run for Love

On Friday, when Steven came over I did something crazy that I probably shouldn’t have done.
Jus when I heard him knocking at the door,I tried to run to open it, and almost cracked my head open in the way.
When he came in he told me that he was going to show me something or tell me something, but I interrupted him to tell him about my head. Seriously, I hit it so hard that I started bleeding fast and I still have that big ugly thing on my forehead although I don’t think it’s filled with blood anymore.
You know how wet it feels when you sweat and put water on it to refresh yourself, … right?, that’s how wet my forehead felt, but with blood.
Steven checked it after I had to wash it off, and even though it hurt, it felt good to feel his hands gently touching my open wound, and then, before covering it with a piece of tissue, he kissed it softly and I thought, “If love heals everything, hopefully it’ll heal my head”.
Still shaking over the almost shock, we went to the room, with one hand covering the wound and with the other one holding on to him, and then we finished reading the story we were reading last weekend.
I told him that I did that because I’m not going to be here starting July 15, until maybe August, and so I have to enjoy him as much as I can these few weeks.
After the rushing blood stopped, we put a bandaid on it to keep it from getting infected.
It was ausom how he taught me how to put it on, and then we got on the computer after I was doing a little bit better. Apparently, love did start to heal me even then.
I wanted to wait for Cokie to get back home so that she could take a look at it, but we fell asleep.
Fortunately, I woke up when Cokie was still not quite asleep, to find that my head’s been leaking. He asked me if Cokie was home why don’t I ask her to check my head, so I did.
I don’t think she realized how bad it was till she took a closer look at it in the morning, then she told me that if I would have hit it just a little bit harde, I would’ve had to go get stitches.
So we just hang out the next morning and then Cokie gave him some books.
After she left for work we got on the computer and he gave me some music and we sang some songs together, it was ausom.
We left the music playing and played in the bed, and once more I felt him all over me v sweet!

Then he kept on singing and I started dancing, he didn’t know of course but I did, and even though he didn’t dance I thought it was cool.
The only thing I didn’t like is when he incredibly told me to shut up when I told him I couldn’t find something, which sometimes things like that make it hard for me to talk to him.
Other than that, if he can learn to listen to me more closely, I think we can be more than just fine.

Then it was time for him to go to dinner, so we kissed goodbye and then he left me dancing the evening away.
He said next week he would take me to the mall and buy me some cool stuff.
Got to go, I have to get ready for an important appointment today.

I’ll write soon”
Claudia

Note: These posts are late because Cokie’s online connection went down.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Wel, first of all, happy belated 4th of July all who read this post, mine was as happy as it could be, after four days with my love.
He can be a bit boring sometimes but I love him more than life.
He came here on Tuesday and, to his surprise, I was asleep, but just to here him coming woke me up. I wasn’t really ready for him yet because I’ve just finished doing laundry and the bed wasn’t made, so I stuffed the box and the covers in Cokie’s room and made the bed, and as soon as I was done I felt him out the door.
Like he said, it did me good to be half asleep because otherwise I would’ve ran out to open the door.
I still hope he didn’t mind finding me not quite awake.
He told me that I won’t do that Wednesday because we would go see our friends at the school.
After hanging out with him for a while I was already wide awake,so when he went to bed I stayed up and sang a little hoping he would hear and realize it was for him, wrote some verses, and went back home to him.
He asked if I was already tired of being on the computer, I told him “Honey, I get on the computer every day of the week, not you, so the computer can wait”.
He thought that was cute, but I’m for real, that’s how much I love him. Most everytime he’s in the room, I put my phone on silent mode to make sure that noone will interrupt me while I’m with him, then answer the messages when we are not in bed.
The thought of him also occupies most of what’s on my mind, so I forget things pretty quickly. The more in love with him I fall, the harder it is for me to remember things.
Anyway, I went to bed, listened to some music, then went to sleep.
Next day after he took me out for lunch at a very good sandwichshop,we went to see our friends, and I met some new people.
I could tell that his friends were happy to see that we’re still together, and I told them “Yes, now and always”.
“As long as she can stand me”, he said, but I said “How could I not?”, and meant it but seriously, I just can’t live without him at this point. If someone tells me to stop loving him, it’s like telling me to stop breathing, except if I can’t have him at all I would die much slowly, and way more painfully.
If a few months ago I was afraid to lose him, nowadays I don’t see myself without him at all.
His friends however think we’ll be together for a long time and be fine, and I do too, I’m even sure of it, and I mean a very loooooooooong time, with a capital L, that is, even after we die togetherness.


I almost fell asleep on the couch even though he tried to keep me awake, and when he introduced me to one of his friends’ girlfriend I was almost past out.
Then he told his friends about my head and how I almost cracked it open.
Well, when we came back I was fast asleep.
Thursday was our planned day to go to the mall and do something V nice, only if we would’ve had better luck, but it didn’t work out that well.
When he called to find out how much money he had on his bank account, he found out he only received 300 dollars, out of his monthly 500 dollar check, so he didn’t have enough money to do anything too fancy.
:I’m sorry that spoiled our day”, he told me.
“that’s Ok”, I told him, which it was because it wasn’t his fault at all, hay, at least I could have him all to myself for almost 4 days and that’s a big thing in itself, right? Especially when I made dinner for him that day, I always saw myself making dinner for him in my dream home, and now I did it, in other words, I was, like Cokie said,
“Playing home” with him to get an experience of what it would really be like to actually be home with him.
After I ate my soup, I made him a lettuce and tomato salad with lemon juice instead of dressing. He asked for some more lemonjuice, so I gave him some more. That was a big step, and it felt good too. He said he liked it, and I was so happy he enjoyed it that for a moment I felt I was already there.

So we put our thinking caps on and then he remembered I needed some clay for my project, which is a statue of him to help me feel better when I miss him, so we went to the store to buy some.
Then I started playing with it, I made some heart-shaped windchimes, a star “as symbol of happiness”, and a small ball with 2 hearts and the word “love” written in it.
I couldn’t get started on my project because I need some assistance to make it look adorable just like him, otherwise it won’t work.
He told me that I could do it by touching his face, but I’m not too good on doing faces, especially adorable and it needs to be very, very much like him if I want it to work.
After a couple of hours, I went to the couch and sat in his lap, his strong, loving arms holding me while he was still reading his book, (which was the boring part), but then I started falling asleep, and it felt so good as always when I fall asleep in his arms.
But then the damned phone rang and he led me up to answer it.
It was one of Cokie’s former students, Kailee , who I don’t really like, and I was so mad about her waking me up that I wished I I’d never answered.
Then he told me I could go to bed, and I was so disappointed, but with his loving sweetness, he put me to sleep.
I woke up at almost 2, and started working with my clay, and then I listened to some music, then came back to him.
Then he woke up and then we got on the computer to listen to some music.
Like always, I enjoyed hearing him sing some country songs with that adorable voice,and laid on the couch. He had no idea that I was recording him, but I don’t know where my brain went after that because I didn’t record what I was supposed to.

After he came from the bathroom, the computer was playing a very sweet true love’s song, I don’t know the name of it, but it goes “if they want to see what true love looks like, they should look at us”. I was completely surprised and ecstatically happy about what happened next, exactly one of the things I was going to put in my “Just in my Dreams” list, and a prove of true love.
He came up to me, put his loving hands on my back like a sweet hug, I put my arms around his hips, and we danced, danced!
That’s it, I was in heaven, dreaming, whatever you may call it, but I was completely and utterly lost in him, almost ready to beg him to keep on going. O no, it wasn’t an accident, I could tell he meant it, I could hear it on his heart and feel it in the way he slowly led me back an forth, and the way he softly caressed my hair, and especially in how I felt him myself, so I tried to show him how I blossomed for him in the dance, “A true love’s dance”.
Ok, I could spend the entire page or even 1000000 pages writing about how wonderful that dance was, but I gotta get back on duty, so after that wonderful scene we went back to the couch and sang some more until it was time for our ride to come, I scheduled our trip to the school BTW.

I was still so ecstatically happy about our true love’s dance that after I signed in and they started talking, I began dancing to some music on my recorder. The lady at the desk noticed and she asked what it was, and I told her it was the recorder. She said, no, she was dancing!”, we said nothing, just giggled, but I’m sure he knew what it was.
His friends were cooking lunch, but he knew I couldn’t eat meat, just the veggies.
Then we went outside and I almost fell asleep in the chair.
Then it was time for me to go, so he led me know and then I took a cab back home.
After finishing my chores, I stayed up and danced the night away.
That was how good it was, and my way of fun, love fun.
More updates coming up as soon as I get online.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Hi all, sorry I still don’t have online access, but that’s Ok, I probably will a few days later.

Another reason why I didn’t write about last weekend was because of that big fight we had and the shock I went into after that.
That Saturday Steven, Cokie and I went to Denny’s and then to Criss Cole, and to make matters worse I lost my recorder along the way.
I fell asleep when he was talking to his friends about cars, and you know, I hate it when men talk about cars, they get so into it!
However, that wasn’t what started it, it was when I woke up hearing an abnoxious, annoying sounding girl who referred to me as :poor Claudia:, when they mentioned that Steven was going to let me read the book of “sleeping beauty”, the princess who I sometimes identify myself with when Steven makes me feel so sparkly. It’s not the classic story of “sleeping beauty” I learned as a child, but the full book, which is an erotic story.
I couldn’t stand that girl calling me that name and feeling sorry for me because I was going to read a book for adults, and I made the mistake that I shouldn’t have done, tell Steven.
That was what started everything. By that time I haven’t even told him about the recorder, which if I had it, it would have been a great tool for me to use to ignore that girl even if she was next to me.
When I told him about the recorder, however, I think it was a little too much for him.
After telling me he was leaving because of what I told him, I cried my heart out, also because he sounded so mad and so serious, even though he said he still loved me, it just seemed hopeless.
I cried for a full night, almost as much as I cried when they kicked me out of the school, but more bitter this time, because then at least I had the confort of his shoulders to cry on, but that day, I had nothing.
Now I realized I broke one of the “rules of the Story”, by thinking that he doesn’t want to know how I feel, I will explain that later.
I spent many hours on the phone, trying to find a conforting voice to console me, but it was in vain.
He came in Monday night to give me another recorder that he’s not using at the moment, and also to help me feel better after all the madness.
Then on Tuesday afternoon I had to go home to my parents’ for Doctor’s appointments.
I didn’t come back here until Friday morning, when I was supposedly to have a class with Cristy, the lady that was to come here but didn’t.
Steven then came on Saturday and we had the weekend all to ourselves because Cokie was in Louisiana.
We didn’t do very much, but he finally gave me the book of “Sleeping Beauty”, which made me understand now what I have done wrong.
I was not supposed to say or even think that he doesn’t care about how I feel, not sometimes, not anytime.
That evening I fell asleep on him while we were listening to a movie. I asked him if that was Ok, because for me the movie can wait and I’m not so interested in movies anyway, but him, well, that can’t.
The phone rang, but I let it ring and then slept in his arms.
We were going to listen to a book but decided that we would rather listen to some music, it’s more fun and more soothing for a romantic situation.
This morning he left early, but not without entertaining me for a while with his cuteness and his handsomely charms.
After reading a few pages of that book is when I realized that I have broken one of the “rules” of how the story goes. I shouldn’t have told him anything, just let my voice show it.
I may have to even think of a suitable punishment, or something to do in return, but for now, I have to go because I have a class this afternoon.
BTW, he made me some sounds for my computer, like when I turn it off or on or put my pindrive in that are pretty ausom, I love them! I don’t think I could live without hearing his voice at this stage, so I’m glad he did it.
More of this when I get online

Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Still no internet, Cokie is pretty mad about that and I think she’s gotten behind on some stuff because this evening she was feeling pretty down.
OMC, this weekend was ausomly ausom even though we didn’t do very much. He brought his new laptop here and showed it to us when he came, and I think he’s gotten lucky because that laptop is so coolio than anything else.
He wanted me to watch a movie with him, that was the only stressful part of the whole thing, but again I fell asleep in his arms, so he put me to bed.
What was so ausom about this weekend was how he woke me up in the morning, it was a real thrill, that’s what I call a sleeping beauty’s wake-up call.
All of the sudden he lay on top of me, holding me tight, hugging me and kissing me and I felt his handsome body all over me, and all of his adorable cuteness spreading all over.
Then I heard him say “good morning”, and I woke up, I bet that’s how Sleeping Beauty woke up from her sleep when she received her wake-up kiss.
“Good morning my love”, I told him.
Then he told me he was going to leave early because he had to study, but that he wanted to spend some time with me first.
We didn’t talk much but I could tell in his “I want to tell you something” voice that he did have something to tell me, or show me, which was even better.
“OK, show you can show me”, I told him.
He showed me what he got me, but that wasn’t it.
He just stayed there with me for about 30 minutes, and even if he was listening to his book and there or enot paying that much attention as I was, I could feel myself floating in those arms of his,and letting his hands and moves tell me what he did not.
When I lay next to his heart, it seemed to have been saying: “together, forever”,almost in a singing voice. His adorable hands again spreading all over me playfully, telling me so many things that words cannot describe, like if he had his own little language just for me to understand.
I could feel our connection, like if my life was a small, smooth riverflow where he was the sea to be reached, and nothing else mattered during those 30 minutes.
I was stunned, and most of all, did he know I could hear and feel all this or not?, I didn’t know.
Thenwe kissed goodbye, he said Hi to Cokie and left.
Iwas so darn happy that day so I sang and danced the whole evening away, playing the ocarina that he gave me.
It’s like a flute, but in the shape of a seashell, and there’s a whole in the middle where the air comes in and out, that when I put it cloce to my ear it seems to it’s trying to tell me something.
Note:
Monday July 28, Peru’s Independence day mom went to a party and I felt kind of bad that I didn’t go with her, so I tried to make the best of the situation, and we made Oyuco with Chicha, Cokie liked it.
I made my own party and mom recorded me a July 28 message, I loved it, and after all of that I got very tired and went to sleep.
Well, gotta go, I have to go apply for college tomorrow and I have to be wide awake for that, hope everything turns out well.
More updates when I get online, and like we say in Peru, Chau!

Monday, August 04, 2008
Well, first let me say that the college thing turned out good and that I only need to send out some paperwork and I would be ready to go. I was very excited about that, and so were Steven and his friends.
Anyway, he invited me to his graduation last Friday, and I went in for a surprise.
First of all, I have to say that it was pretty good, I liked his speech and the party one of the former students threw out afterward, which was the part he didn’t like.
I thought he would because it was his graduation, but nope, he likes it quiet so he went to smoke outside and talk to his nurdy, geeky friends. See, that’s what I don’t understand, and the more I get to know him, the more confusing it gets. Why is it that even though we don’t nearly like the same things, I am so in love with him that sometimes, it hurts?, and it did!
Even as geeky as his friends are, they all have told him that it was great, that his speech was ausom, indeed he sounded very honest about the whole thing, but wouldn’t it be even better if he would have joined the party?, if he would have graduated with a smile on his face and danced with me? I expected there to be some excitement, perhaps he would’ve sang or something, but nope, he just said his little word, “irritating”. It seems as if lately everything has been irritating for him, even his graduation party. To help me clear off a little from this irritation, I am going to make a factsheet of what I’ve learned of his likes and dislikes so far to remind me of what to watch out for. If he turns out to be the one I will share my life with and I take him somewhere, even to Peru to see my family and friends, this irritation problem will become a big issue for both of us.
But that’s not all, it got even more jacked up when he took me to the bar with his friends. First I thought, “Hmm, a bar! How coolio”!, but I was immensely and totally wrong.
First it was the music. They were playing some kind of crappy, heavy-metal rock music that sounded more like a bunch of fighting and screaming that made my head hurt.
Second of all was the drinking. To be honest, I wouldn’t have mind the drinking if it wasn’t for that damned music that was so loud, I could almost feel my ears wanting to come out.And last, but certainly not least, I was looking like a poor damned little girl at the mercy of my Prince charming.
Its like everyone was looking at me like I was weird or like I didn’t fit in. How disappointing! And worst of all, the girl that laughed at me the other day was there, just to make matters worse.
I kept telling him to try to make it fun or something, to get nuts, but he was too distracted with those friends of his and I don’t blame him.
In the last 30 minutes I tried to make something good of it by talking to one of the girls but it was too late, I couldn’t wait for us to come home.
When we were waiting outside for a cab to come pick us up, I heard a girls party next door where they were singing and dancing and having fun, and I started dancing to the music. “You’re dancing aren’t you?”, he said, andd I told him, “That’s what I call a Real party!”. He said next time he would leave me there and then go drink, and that sounded like a really good plan.
Once we got home, the fun began.
“You wanted me to go nuts! Right?” he told me.
“Yah”, I answered him, and then I slobbed,slobbed, slobbed, he is so slobbericious even though he’s so irritable, and I keep asking in my mind, Why did you have to be so cute, why? And make my mind go blank?, why was, and still is, soto fall in love with you? And I still don’t know why.
We began to make love, he was going nuts on me and I on him, and we soon got lost in each other. It was one of my hottest nights. We made love until we grew tired and went to sleep, our routine.
We did it again in the morning, and then we sat down on the couch, and I was in his arms once again.
It is probably the first time I heard him, “It is nice”, and I don’t even know for a fact if he really felt it, or if it was only to make me feel better about last night, so I just added, “yes, it’s ausom” “sitting here with my baby”, he said, “Yes”.
I apologized for getting mad at him last night, he said “don’t apologize”.
He always blows my mind like that and then here I go again, loving him, lost in him, stuck on him. Like he told me that night, “you’d still love me even if I was a dick?”, and I told him, “it’s too late to back up now”, “you’re stuck”!, he said, so he is aware that I am, but somehow I still have a little feeling that there’s something that he doesn’t quite realize.

And now, as planned, here are the cues about Steven that I was talking about.

Steven facts


Reminder: he likes it quiet. Not too much noise, very, very quiet, enough for him to concentrate on reading his books. And when he reads, he reads!
He doesn’t like crouds or loud music, unless he’s around his friends and the music is heavy-metal or country. I like country music, in fact, nowadays, 50 percent of my favorite songs are country, but heavy-metal rock can give me a headache sometimes.
He gets irritated easily by things out of what he’s used to, especially by party people who are just trying to have fun.
4. He wants me to think of myself as being as smart as he is, or at least to not look down on myself. This will take some time and I think he’s finally beginning to realize it.
5. He’s a very smart guy, but sometimes it can get hard to love someone as smart and handsome as him. His ways are just too confusing and too hard to even try to understand.
6. When he’s around his friends, they talk a lot. When he’s around me, his hands, moves and heart talk for him in a way that I can barely get the message and the feeling they create inside of me.
7. He likes funny things, has a good sense of humor and I think I got some of it from him already.
8. I finally understand what we are missing in our relationship, and why it is important to be friends first. When I met him, I fell in love at first sight, but never took the time to explore him, to know him as a friend, to know if he likes what I like and if he wouldn’t mind changes. He just stole my heart with his ausom ways, came into my life and turned it around, and I mustn’t forget the fact that he set me free, which is the strongest reason for not giving up on him. It’s like I’ve been a child until the moment I met him and knew my love for him.
9. He has a lot of determination in him, and always gets what he wants. He doesn’t like it when someone tells him he can’t do something, because he will do it.
10. He’s very responsible with his stuff, and very organized. He knows he has to study for a test, so he’s going to bed early. Not me, I’m jovial and I like to get high on him if you know what I mean, and then stay up until after midnight with my music on.
If we learn to collide, to be one for the other and to adapt to each others needs and dreams, I believe we can make it, but it will take time. My grandmother, who this year will be her 50th year of marriage, has been a great guide on this for me and that’s what she told me about this, not to mention that I am beginning to find that out for myself.

Well, hopefully everything will work out for good, more updates when I get online.