My First Step towards becoming a cowgirl
This week has been so horrible at ACC but you know what?, who cares about ACC? I don’t.
Besides ACC, our relationship was starting to become too monotonous and boring.
All this week Steven would get up and go to work while I woke up with him, played my keyboard, put my mind together and prepare myself for another stressful day at ACC, from Monday all the way through Thursday.
Luckily, I have a Music class Tuesdays and Thursdays that allows me to put up with all the crap from the rest of the week, and that’s a relieve. Another relieve, is lunch time. I would go to the lounge, buy me a sandwich, and just sit down and listen to people talking, making noise, out of a classroom or an office and talk to Bonnie, my ex classmate who used to help me with Reading before I met Britaney, who is not going to school this semester because she was too late to register.
Anyway, I would talk to Bonnie, she likes to tell me stories, and then she helps me to my next class.
When I’m in class I just sit and do nothing but listen to what the teacher is talking. Sometimes I take notes, most of the times I record the class because it’s so boring that I might fall asleep.
Then I go to the bus stop to wait for my ride, and believe me, when I’m at that busstop, or sometimes even before I get there, there is not a single fucken day that I won’t find a jerk feeling sorry for me because I’m blind, or telling me that I would’ve been better off it I could see. I try to be as polite as I can, but always letting them know that they should mind their own business. My counsolation against the cold and distress, is my ocarina. I always take it with me, should I have to wait for a cab and have a chance to play it.
Then I come home tired and stressed out from school, and if I find Steven at home, he’s on the game most of the time but wants me to lay down with him while he’s playing the game at least for a few minutes. When I start getting a headache, I excuse myself and leave the room and go do something on the computer and have dinner.
Then Steven is tired and goes to bed, always turning his book on, so as to say that if I want to cuddle with him I have to listen to his book. Tired of all the crap from ACC, plus his crappy game, and part of his book, I am exhausted and go listen to something else at Cokie’s room and sometimes I even fall asleep talking to Cokie. I didn’t get more than 2 or 3 daily hours of sleep throughout the week, not counting Friday, I sure slept a lot and relaxed, and I’ve been supporting myself with naps, some music and love stories, and some sleeping medicine that mom gave me to prevent me from getting sick while I was here.
It’s been like that all week long, and on Thursday I felt I would explode if it were not that Fridays are my days off, I told em I at least needed a day off since they’re not willing to cooperate.
Steven seemed to notice my tension because I slept and cried a lot, so he put me right to sleep instead of letting me go, or was it that I was too depressed and tired to go anywhere, I didn’t know and I didn’t care. Even though put his book on, as always, he took me in his arms, and I put my earphone on and tho osed off.
Because I slept to early for my sleeping pattern, I woke up at 4 a m,waited for him to wake up and go to work, played my keyboard a little bit and recorded some country music, then I listened to a book on tape and went to sleep. I was woken up twice. First by Cokie, who wanted to look through my email and didn’t even told me what the hell she was looking for, and then by Steven. He called me, it’s been so long since he did so I thought it must have been something really special for him to call me just like that.
“Hi darling”, I told him, still half asleep.
“Wake up and get ready to go”, he said smiling. I asked “Where?”, “Just get ready, I’ll see you in 30 minutes”, he answered, still smiling in his wake up voice. I was half shocked, half excited, but I could tell he had a surprise for me.
I was still not quite awake when I got dressed and washed up, and I told Cokie, “Steven’s waiting for me, I gotta go!”
“Where?”, she asked,
“I don’t know, he didn’t say anything, but he’s waiting for me, I’m out of time”
“Shethen told me that she wanted my email again, Isuspected that she shut it up on purpose just to keep me here and talk to me about ACC stuff, but as soon as I finished, Steven was at the door waiting for me.
We went to the cab and then Steven took me to a music store, where his bookkeeper works. Then he remembered that I always wanted to play the violin, and he rented me one, and bought me another ocarina, a little bit bigger than the one I have, and another pinny-wistle for himself. Then we came back home. He helped me rozen up my bow and tune up my violin. I was very amazed and excited, I could almost imagine myself playing those cowboy songs in the violin, or should I say, the fiddle?
Anyway, I played for a little bit, he put a country song on his computer and I tried to play along, and then he got on the game and I went out to practice.
With those cowboy songs, bow in hand and my fiddle over my shoulder, I feel like I took my first step toward becoming a cowgirl.
Anyway, I gotta go play so more and try to familiarize with my new fiddle.
Laters
H I L: in a country mood.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Back Home
Back Home
Yei!, my trial month is over, I’m back home. It has been the hardest thing I’ve had to do so far, and I owe to Britany the fact that I’m still alive and well.
Like Steven and I agreed to, I’ve absolutely would’ve died if:
I would’ve lost his love now and broke up with him.
2. lost of hope of coming back home and
3. Didn’t have Britany talking to me during this hard time.
I’ve endured so much during the whole month, missing Steven, family conflicts, my parents fighting, not being able to do things for myself, being sick, doctor’s appointments, etc. I also owe some of my still being alive to my mom, because I think she knows it’s been so hard for me and helped me through by cheering me up, taking me out to the mall, and spending time with me when she could. She and Britany had been my solid rock I could lean on, to endure all the crap of that time, and I think that really strengthen our newfound friendship, go Britany!
My little sister also helped a little, but the most important thing was that I made it home safe and sound, and with a big smile on my face, worth all the tears I cried.
I got really sick before my time in Houston was up, right after Monday, but I didn’t tell my parents until after Tuesday
Once I told them, they got really worried about me, so I stayed in bed for most of those days, stayed up at night talking to Britany, and thinking of Steven, and then slept all morning. It was like that until one of those mornings, when I couldn’t sleep because of my bad cough, headache and fever. I also had a very strong diarrhea that had to be stop with an herbal tea. It was then when mom gave me a medicine to help me sleep through the night, so I couldn’t stay up, and that made it worse for my aching heart because I felt like I was losing my supportive friend and that I had no dreams anymore, and no reason to live. I was lucky that Steven and I were talking again, and I knew that he by then was missing me badly enough too and wanted to see me again.
Then came Thursday and Friday, and by Friday afternoon I was all packed up and ready to go.
Mom was a little sad to see me go, but she knows I needed to come home, so she wished me the best of times with my love and gave me a goodbye kiss before I left. My little sister went along with my dad and I to the bus station, and she said she wanted to see me again soon.
It was a fun busride home, half of the time I was talking to a musician, a guy that was sitting beside me, and he heard me recite a couple of my poems and asked for my poetry website.
The other half of the ride I was talking to Bianca, my ex roommate, and when the driver finally said we were in Austin, we were screaming “home, home, sweet home!” “I’m home!”, I was saying with lots of joy in my heart, that everyone next to my seat knew of my wonderful excitement about coming home and they agreed with me,”sweet, sweet home!”
I took one of the cabs waiting in the back, and the driver helped me with my suitcase and my keyboard. Then, to my surprise, as soon as I got home, I opened the door and heard Steven right beside the door, just like I used to wait for him when he came to see me in the weekends. I wanted to lean down and kiss him right away, I was terribly anxious of him, but instead he himself helped me to put away my stuff, flung me into the bed, and slowly and tenderly began to hug me and kiss me. I was so anxious that my hands were trembling, almost aching to touch him, and my heart almost felt like a drum when he kissed me and hugged me with those beautiful hands, vainly trying to fake indifference.
Then he showed me his new guitar and I tried to play a little tune. Then we both stripped before getting into the shower.
“Wow, a love shower!”, I thought.
When we were ready, we got in, and I started slowly again, to touch him all around, feeling all his charms right in front of me, his beautiful hair, his strong, warm arms, his irresistible, tall body I cannot resist once I put my hands on him, especially when he’s naked. At once I begun doing a little dance in the shower, and feeling his love by the way he wrapped his arms around me, let him hold me and carry me into him so that he could make love to me in the shower. I let him bounce me into him, felt all his energy and spirit coming back to me and heal me in an instant, and when he was ready, I got on my hands and knees andfelt him finish what he started. I think I took a little too much of him, I was so anxious, so excited to have him back and so hungry for him, that I couldn’t control myself and I think he couldn’t either, but as soon as we were done, he was almost breathless, and said he had to get out because he was feeling like he was going to pass out.
After a minute or two, I got up and finished my shower, and after I was done, I put somelotion onso I could smell good for him, and a little perfume.
Then I got back to the room,and we got dressed and then his friend Luis came and helped us order food. Steven found me a salad that was very coolio, and he had his usual burger and then we ate our dinner. Then Steven showed Luis his new guitar, and then we did those little things that made the day, we sung 2 songs together, at the second one he got too excited, stopped singing almost at the end and kissed me. It was the song he sung for me the first time we spent a night together. I almost cried too, but I put my arms around him and pulled him closer to me while we kissed again and again. His friend Luis admired this sight of us and thought it was cute.
But then Luis had to leave and the party was almost over, but not before going to bed with him and making love again. I was doing it to him this time, on top of him, swimming on him, riding him not like a horse, but like a cowboy.
It left me out of breath, full of ecstacy and energy and almost motionless at the same time, like if at that moment I only had strength to pull him cloce to me and hold him tight, tight enough to feel the beat of his heart against me as though trying to hear it telling me how much he missed me. My mind was perfectly clear of everything but him, and after this brief exhaustion that came along with my passion and quickly went away, I felt like dancing and writing. So I came here, talked to Cokie for a while, and started writing something on the computer, but I couldn’t finish it, I wanted to be lying cloce to him again , so I went to bed.
Note: I now have a job, I’m his little housewife. I already feel like I am, but this is only the very beginning of my new life with him.
Laters:
H I L
Yei!, my trial month is over, I’m back home. It has been the hardest thing I’ve had to do so far, and I owe to Britany the fact that I’m still alive and well.
Like Steven and I agreed to, I’ve absolutely would’ve died if:
I would’ve lost his love now and broke up with him.
2. lost of hope of coming back home and
3. Didn’t have Britany talking to me during this hard time.
I’ve endured so much during the whole month, missing Steven, family conflicts, my parents fighting, not being able to do things for myself, being sick, doctor’s appointments, etc. I also owe some of my still being alive to my mom, because I think she knows it’s been so hard for me and helped me through by cheering me up, taking me out to the mall, and spending time with me when she could. She and Britany had been my solid rock I could lean on, to endure all the crap of that time, and I think that really strengthen our newfound friendship, go Britany!
My little sister also helped a little, but the most important thing was that I made it home safe and sound, and with a big smile on my face, worth all the tears I cried.
I got really sick before my time in Houston was up, right after Monday, but I didn’t tell my parents until after Tuesday
Once I told them, they got really worried about me, so I stayed in bed for most of those days, stayed up at night talking to Britany, and thinking of Steven, and then slept all morning. It was like that until one of those mornings, when I couldn’t sleep because of my bad cough, headache and fever. I also had a very strong diarrhea that had to be stop with an herbal tea. It was then when mom gave me a medicine to help me sleep through the night, so I couldn’t stay up, and that made it worse for my aching heart because I felt like I was losing my supportive friend and that I had no dreams anymore, and no reason to live. I was lucky that Steven and I were talking again, and I knew that he by then was missing me badly enough too and wanted to see me again.
Then came Thursday and Friday, and by Friday afternoon I was all packed up and ready to go.
Mom was a little sad to see me go, but she knows I needed to come home, so she wished me the best of times with my love and gave me a goodbye kiss before I left. My little sister went along with my dad and I to the bus station, and she said she wanted to see me again soon.
It was a fun busride home, half of the time I was talking to a musician, a guy that was sitting beside me, and he heard me recite a couple of my poems and asked for my poetry website.
The other half of the ride I was talking to Bianca, my ex roommate, and when the driver finally said we were in Austin, we were screaming “home, home, sweet home!” “I’m home!”, I was saying with lots of joy in my heart, that everyone next to my seat knew of my wonderful excitement about coming home and they agreed with me,”sweet, sweet home!”
I took one of the cabs waiting in the back, and the driver helped me with my suitcase and my keyboard. Then, to my surprise, as soon as I got home, I opened the door and heard Steven right beside the door, just like I used to wait for him when he came to see me in the weekends. I wanted to lean down and kiss him right away, I was terribly anxious of him, but instead he himself helped me to put away my stuff, flung me into the bed, and slowly and tenderly began to hug me and kiss me. I was so anxious that my hands were trembling, almost aching to touch him, and my heart almost felt like a drum when he kissed me and hugged me with those beautiful hands, vainly trying to fake indifference.
Then he showed me his new guitar and I tried to play a little tune. Then we both stripped before getting into the shower.
“Wow, a love shower!”, I thought.
When we were ready, we got in, and I started slowly again, to touch him all around, feeling all his charms right in front of me, his beautiful hair, his strong, warm arms, his irresistible, tall body I cannot resist once I put my hands on him, especially when he’s naked. At once I begun doing a little dance in the shower, and feeling his love by the way he wrapped his arms around me, let him hold me and carry me into him so that he could make love to me in the shower. I let him bounce me into him, felt all his energy and spirit coming back to me and heal me in an instant, and when he was ready, I got on my hands and knees andfelt him finish what he started. I think I took a little too much of him, I was so anxious, so excited to have him back and so hungry for him, that I couldn’t control myself and I think he couldn’t either, but as soon as we were done, he was almost breathless, and said he had to get out because he was feeling like he was going to pass out.
After a minute or two, I got up and finished my shower, and after I was done, I put somelotion onso I could smell good for him, and a little perfume.
Then I got back to the room,and we got dressed and then his friend Luis came and helped us order food. Steven found me a salad that was very coolio, and he had his usual burger and then we ate our dinner. Then Steven showed Luis his new guitar, and then we did those little things that made the day, we sung 2 songs together, at the second one he got too excited, stopped singing almost at the end and kissed me. It was the song he sung for me the first time we spent a night together. I almost cried too, but I put my arms around him and pulled him closer to me while we kissed again and again. His friend Luis admired this sight of us and thought it was cute.
But then Luis had to leave and the party was almost over, but not before going to bed with him and making love again. I was doing it to him this time, on top of him, swimming on him, riding him not like a horse, but like a cowboy.
It left me out of breath, full of ecstacy and energy and almost motionless at the same time, like if at that moment I only had strength to pull him cloce to me and hold him tight, tight enough to feel the beat of his heart against me as though trying to hear it telling me how much he missed me. My mind was perfectly clear of everything but him, and after this brief exhaustion that came along with my passion and quickly went away, I felt like dancing and writing. So I came here, talked to Cokie for a while, and started writing something on the computer, but I couldn’t finish it, I wanted to be lying cloce to him again , so I went to bed.
Note: I now have a job, I’m his little housewife. I already feel like I am, but this is only the very beginning of my new life with him.
Laters:
H I L
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Three weeks appart, forever together
3 weeks have gone bye, Almost , this will be the 3rd one.
I have been so lonely all this time, or almost all of it, because I have been missing my baby very badly that it was almost an agony. My only 2 consolations have been talking to Britaney at night, and hanging out with my mom when she was at home.
It was after newyear's when my boyfriend and I hadn't been talking much because everytime I called, either he was really tired and we would talk for 3 minutes or so, or he wouldn't answer his phone and I would miss him even more, get really sad, and wondered if he still loved me and if he missed me too.
It was until this Friday when I called and he told me that he really didn't feel like talking to anyone because of something that happened at work.
I was devastated, almost a month of being here, unable to go see him, and he wouldn't want to talk to me?
I cried a lot, and for almost the rest of the weekend all I could do was eat, sleep and think of him.
i wanted to call him but Britaney told me NOT to call him, so I've been calling her instead. It wasn't until today that I've talked to him, and he told me he was really concerned about me.
Britaney is truly a good friend, even though I met her in the midst of a crowd of crappy people at ACC. It was hard for me to trust her while we were in school because of that ACC crap, even though we have been sitting together at lunch ever since we met. Shortly after that, and after sitting cloce by when we were in reading class, she became my best friend at ACC. But since she and I started talking on the phone late at night and staying up till 4 or 5 in the morning, she did a good job, not only at winning my heart and my trust as a best friend, but on preventing me from ending my life.
I was so badly scared and sad that it seemed as if life wasn’t for me anymore, as if we were not going to be back together again and I really get scared of that at times, but now, with him not wanting to talk to me while I had to be here for almost a month, seemed so unbarable that I just wanted to give it all up and leave this world.
I would cry every night, talk to Britany and then cry myself to sleep all those days, but now, after she told me that she called him and that she was going to put him on 3 way, I laugh and laugh at myself, thinking about what would I have done if it weren’t for her. She’s made all this time barable and easier to deal with. Just hearing that he did miss me and that he was thinking about me was enough to put a smile on my face again, I wonder how happy I’ll be when I can finally “feel myself wrapped up in his arms”, like I said in my poem, “I miss you”, and feel him build that big “bag of dreams” he will build for me at night when he puts me to sleep.
Now that I think about it, we’re only 3 weeks apart, but forever together!
Well, I’ll go talk to my new best friend, and then I’m going to bed because I have an appointment tomorrow.
Laters, your H I L friend.
I have been so lonely all this time, or almost all of it, because I have been missing my baby very badly that it was almost an agony. My only 2 consolations have been talking to Britaney at night, and hanging out with my mom when she was at home.
It was after newyear's when my boyfriend and I hadn't been talking much because everytime I called, either he was really tired and we would talk for 3 minutes or so, or he wouldn't answer his phone and I would miss him even more, get really sad, and wondered if he still loved me and if he missed me too.
It was until this Friday when I called and he told me that he really didn't feel like talking to anyone because of something that happened at work.
I was devastated, almost a month of being here, unable to go see him, and he wouldn't want to talk to me?
I cried a lot, and for almost the rest of the weekend all I could do was eat, sleep and think of him.
i wanted to call him but Britaney told me NOT to call him, so I've been calling her instead. It wasn't until today that I've talked to him, and he told me he was really concerned about me.
Britaney is truly a good friend, even though I met her in the midst of a crowd of crappy people at ACC. It was hard for me to trust her while we were in school because of that ACC crap, even though we have been sitting together at lunch ever since we met. Shortly after that, and after sitting cloce by when we were in reading class, she became my best friend at ACC. But since she and I started talking on the phone late at night and staying up till 4 or 5 in the morning, she did a good job, not only at winning my heart and my trust as a best friend, but on preventing me from ending my life.
I was so badly scared and sad that it seemed as if life wasn’t for me anymore, as if we were not going to be back together again and I really get scared of that at times, but now, with him not wanting to talk to me while I had to be here for almost a month, seemed so unbarable that I just wanted to give it all up and leave this world.
I would cry every night, talk to Britany and then cry myself to sleep all those days, but now, after she told me that she called him and that she was going to put him on 3 way, I laugh and laugh at myself, thinking about what would I have done if it weren’t for her. She’s made all this time barable and easier to deal with. Just hearing that he did miss me and that he was thinking about me was enough to put a smile on my face again, I wonder how happy I’ll be when I can finally “feel myself wrapped up in his arms”, like I said in my poem, “I miss you”, and feel him build that big “bag of dreams” he will build for me at night when he puts me to sleep.
Now that I think about it, we’re only 3 weeks apart, but forever together!
Well, I’ll go talk to my new best friend, and then I’m going to bed because I have an appointment tomorrow.
Laters, your H I L friend.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
New Year's Dream
New Year's Dream
Before I came to Houston, I was very afraid of having to be without him for a month, so I got us a trip to the mall, just the both of us, for almost half the day that Saturday. I'm glad mom agreed on me coming in Sunday, otherwise we wouldn't have had time.
So We went, Cokie and I stayed up til 3:00 the night before, and I was all the more excited about our trip together.
We got up, just a little before 11, and then we went to a music store before we head out for lunch.
After lunch, He took me to Forever 21, where I looked at beautiful dresses, jewelry and skirts, and imagined myself wearing one of them with my high-heal dancing shoes. That’s where I got the idea of the dress I wore in my new-year's dream, which I will explain later.
Then Steven bought flavor candles and 2 necklaces, 1 for him, 1 for me. The one he bought me has a chrystal quars, and he said is to keep all evil away from me and so that I’ll have good luck. He also gave me a keychain, and he told me it was to keep me from having bad dreams, and so far, it works.
Then we came back home and spent as much time together as we could that night before I came to Houston
The next morning he made love to me to cheer me up, I was perfectly happy with him, yet I was sad at the same time because I wasn't going to be with him for such a long time.
Then I came here, and although I was happy to see my family, I was sad about leaving him for so long, also because I knew that Morgan was going to spend newyear's eve with him and not me. He said they were only going to get drunk together, but no one ever knows what happens when 2 people get drunk together, and without Cokie being there, I thought it a disaster.
Christmas itself was the start of a knew torture, not to mention that I hated Christmas since the day I had to spend it in the hospital.
Besides, I also knew that Morgan was going to spend newyear's eve with him, and felt glad I wasn't there to witness it.
When I went to their get-together for Christmas, my whole family could tell that I was worried about me not seeing Steven for a whole month, and the talk of it among themselves was like the pain of a stinging wound when you rub alcohol on it to clean it up.
It wasn't so bad, however, not as bad as the days after Crhistmas, when my sleepless nights started, one after another.
I wouldn't have endured it as well if it wouldn't have been for Britney, a friend from ACC who is now my knew special nightfriend. She calls me up at night and stays up late with me talking on the phone, and sometimes even sleeps with me on the phone. It helps me greatly, and aliviates my aching heart and keeps me from thinking I should die instead of enduring this.
She knows how much I suffer, and I think I should find a special way to thank her for her kind work to this lovesick friend of hers.
She often says she’s like that because she likes to help the poor, the sad and the hungry, and these days I have been really sad and really depressed, especially during the holidays.
Anyway, we talk a little bit of everything, but talking to her and other nightfriend have given me an idea.
I always try to make the best of a bad situation, so I had to come up with a plan to prevent myself from crying in Newyear's eve, instead of staying up with everyone else, and think about how much fun Steven and Morgan were going to have together, I decided we were going to have a Newyear's dream-date in dreamland. A few days before New-year's eve, I talked to him in my dreams and told him that I'd like to have a Newyear's dream-date with him so that we could be together for new-years eve.
He agreed, but since I wasn't sure my family would aprove to this, I told him that I wasn't sure I was going to come. He said that was fine.
Then I told everybody I was going to spend new-year's eve asleep.
I convinced my mom by saying that he was going to do the same because he had to go to work, which she reluctantly approved to.
Mom and dad, at first, thought it was foolish for me to spend new-year's eve in my sleep because I was braking the family's tradition, but then, respecting my decision, gave me permision to stay at home. Dad thought I was doing it just to spend new-year's on the phone, talking to my friends, and I could've done that instead. But the plan was for me to feel as cloce to Steven as I possibly could so that I wouldn't feel so bad about him spending it with that girl instead of with me, and also so that I wouldn't miss him enough to feel like I wanted to die.
I stayed with my little sister before my parents came, and then I said goodbye to them and wished them a happy newyear, My mom left me a cup with warm milk, and I had it, hoping it would help me go to sleep before 12, made the bed, put my PJ's on, sprayed the room, and left the door open as if Steven was coming here to take me away. Then I got under the covers, got all those things that remind me of my love for him such as the notes, my dream-catcher keychain, my chrystal quars, and the chunk of Steven's hair that I got from the trashbag before I came.
I got under the covers, sang "Meet Me Tonight in Dreamland", and then lay down, trying to go to sleep as fast as I could. Even so, I couldn't get there at 12, so I was late for the party by 30 minutes.
He told me I missed the fun part, but it was fine with him.
My dream was ausom, and it seemed almost real.
I dreamed we were on a far away beach party, with all our friends, (Except for Morgan).
Even though I missed the fun part, which was when 12 came and it was time for the countdown, the fireworks and everything else, he danced with me, twerreling me around as if he was really desperate to see me too, spinning me around and kissing me passionately when he took me in his arms. Our friends were witnesses of our love, and they sang in the backround when we sang together by the campfire. Birds awoke to our beautiful song, and sung along with us. For the dance, I was wearing one of those ruffled dresses I saw at Forever 21, with shining earrings in the shape of stars, and a golden necklace with the shape of a heart on it that read "Love" at the top. Apart from all of those many laces and jingling adornments of my dress that jingled when we danced, I was wearing my dancing shoes. I felt so beautiful, but of course, it was a dream.
After we danced for the first couple of hours being cheered by the crowd, we sat down together, built a big sandcastle beside the sea and just smiled at each other and kissed each other like we did the first day we kissed.
Then we pulled down our tent, he lighted some flavored candles, (which I didn't know why since the flowers and the sea alone were delighting us with their sweet fragrances and perfume), then he made a bouquet of flowers for me and we cuddled by them, kissed, hugged, kept each other warm, made each other laugh, and all those little things that mean so much to me.
We had some country music in the backround, and then we just lay still, forgetting about the world and paying attention to nothing else but each other.
Then, when we were just about to make love, I hear someone opening the door to my room (in real life) and woke up. It was mom, who was just coming to check on me. I wanted to go back to sleep but I couldn't, and it was about 3 when she woke me up.
I called Britany and wished her happy new-year, then we talked for a while about the dream, and she fell asleep.
It was the coolest dream I've ever had, of all dreams. I still miss him more dearly than ever, and still will need as much help as I can get, but that dream made me feel a whole lot better and mom could tell this as well.
Note: Mom can already tell I miss him, just by looking at me.
She said we were going to buy him a gift, maybe that could help me to feel a little better.
Laters:
H I L
Before I came to Houston, I was very afraid of having to be without him for a month, so I got us a trip to the mall, just the both of us, for almost half the day that Saturday. I'm glad mom agreed on me coming in Sunday, otherwise we wouldn't have had time.
So We went, Cokie and I stayed up til 3:00 the night before, and I was all the more excited about our trip together.
We got up, just a little before 11, and then we went to a music store before we head out for lunch.
After lunch, He took me to Forever 21, where I looked at beautiful dresses, jewelry and skirts, and imagined myself wearing one of them with my high-heal dancing shoes. That’s where I got the idea of the dress I wore in my new-year's dream, which I will explain later.
Then Steven bought flavor candles and 2 necklaces, 1 for him, 1 for me. The one he bought me has a chrystal quars, and he said is to keep all evil away from me and so that I’ll have good luck. He also gave me a keychain, and he told me it was to keep me from having bad dreams, and so far, it works.
Then we came back home and spent as much time together as we could that night before I came to Houston
The next morning he made love to me to cheer me up, I was perfectly happy with him, yet I was sad at the same time because I wasn't going to be with him for such a long time.
Then I came here, and although I was happy to see my family, I was sad about leaving him for so long, also because I knew that Morgan was going to spend newyear's eve with him and not me. He said they were only going to get drunk together, but no one ever knows what happens when 2 people get drunk together, and without Cokie being there, I thought it a disaster.
Christmas itself was the start of a knew torture, not to mention that I hated Christmas since the day I had to spend it in the hospital.
Besides, I also knew that Morgan was going to spend newyear's eve with him, and felt glad I wasn't there to witness it.
When I went to their get-together for Christmas, my whole family could tell that I was worried about me not seeing Steven for a whole month, and the talk of it among themselves was like the pain of a stinging wound when you rub alcohol on it to clean it up.
It wasn't so bad, however, not as bad as the days after Crhistmas, when my sleepless nights started, one after another.
I wouldn't have endured it as well if it wouldn't have been for Britney, a friend from ACC who is now my knew special nightfriend. She calls me up at night and stays up late with me talking on the phone, and sometimes even sleeps with me on the phone. It helps me greatly, and aliviates my aching heart and keeps me from thinking I should die instead of enduring this.
She knows how much I suffer, and I think I should find a special way to thank her for her kind work to this lovesick friend of hers.
She often says she’s like that because she likes to help the poor, the sad and the hungry, and these days I have been really sad and really depressed, especially during the holidays.
Anyway, we talk a little bit of everything, but talking to her and other nightfriend have given me an idea.
I always try to make the best of a bad situation, so I had to come up with a plan to prevent myself from crying in Newyear's eve, instead of staying up with everyone else, and think about how much fun Steven and Morgan were going to have together, I decided we were going to have a Newyear's dream-date in dreamland. A few days before New-year's eve, I talked to him in my dreams and told him that I'd like to have a Newyear's dream-date with him so that we could be together for new-years eve.
He agreed, but since I wasn't sure my family would aprove to this, I told him that I wasn't sure I was going to come. He said that was fine.
Then I told everybody I was going to spend new-year's eve asleep.
I convinced my mom by saying that he was going to do the same because he had to go to work, which she reluctantly approved to.
Mom and dad, at first, thought it was foolish for me to spend new-year's eve in my sleep because I was braking the family's tradition, but then, respecting my decision, gave me permision to stay at home. Dad thought I was doing it just to spend new-year's on the phone, talking to my friends, and I could've done that instead. But the plan was for me to feel as cloce to Steven as I possibly could so that I wouldn't feel so bad about him spending it with that girl instead of with me, and also so that I wouldn't miss him enough to feel like I wanted to die.
I stayed with my little sister before my parents came, and then I said goodbye to them and wished them a happy newyear, My mom left me a cup with warm milk, and I had it, hoping it would help me go to sleep before 12, made the bed, put my PJ's on, sprayed the room, and left the door open as if Steven was coming here to take me away. Then I got under the covers, got all those things that remind me of my love for him such as the notes, my dream-catcher keychain, my chrystal quars, and the chunk of Steven's hair that I got from the trashbag before I came.
I got under the covers, sang "Meet Me Tonight in Dreamland", and then lay down, trying to go to sleep as fast as I could. Even so, I couldn't get there at 12, so I was late for the party by 30 minutes.
He told me I missed the fun part, but it was fine with him.
My dream was ausom, and it seemed almost real.
I dreamed we were on a far away beach party, with all our friends, (Except for Morgan).
Even though I missed the fun part, which was when 12 came and it was time for the countdown, the fireworks and everything else, he danced with me, twerreling me around as if he was really desperate to see me too, spinning me around and kissing me passionately when he took me in his arms. Our friends were witnesses of our love, and they sang in the backround when we sang together by the campfire. Birds awoke to our beautiful song, and sung along with us. For the dance, I was wearing one of those ruffled dresses I saw at Forever 21, with shining earrings in the shape of stars, and a golden necklace with the shape of a heart on it that read "Love" at the top. Apart from all of those many laces and jingling adornments of my dress that jingled when we danced, I was wearing my dancing shoes. I felt so beautiful, but of course, it was a dream.
After we danced for the first couple of hours being cheered by the crowd, we sat down together, built a big sandcastle beside the sea and just smiled at each other and kissed each other like we did the first day we kissed.
Then we pulled down our tent, he lighted some flavored candles, (which I didn't know why since the flowers and the sea alone were delighting us with their sweet fragrances and perfume), then he made a bouquet of flowers for me and we cuddled by them, kissed, hugged, kept each other warm, made each other laugh, and all those little things that mean so much to me.
We had some country music in the backround, and then we just lay still, forgetting about the world and paying attention to nothing else but each other.
Then, when we were just about to make love, I hear someone opening the door to my room (in real life) and woke up. It was mom, who was just coming to check on me. I wanted to go back to sleep but I couldn't, and it was about 3 when she woke me up.
I called Britany and wished her happy new-year, then we talked for a while about the dream, and she fell asleep.
It was the coolest dream I've ever had, of all dreams. I still miss him more dearly than ever, and still will need as much help as I can get, but that dream made me feel a whole lot better and mom could tell this as well.
Note: Mom can already tell I miss him, just by looking at me.
She said we were going to buy him a gift, maybe that could help me to feel a little better.
Laters:
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