Time

Last week was the first week since my lucky night, and we had fun, fun, fun. He would pick me up after school, take me out to dinner, or swimming, or just hang out on the porch and talking, playing music, laughing and everything else in between.
Everything was going Ok until the weekend, when Fillipe canceled two dates in a row. He didn’t take me to that party on Saturday night because he said he was out of town and he came home tired. Then he didn’t take me sailing on Sunday because he said it was too windy and it rained in the morning. I was turned down by him waking me up just to tell me that, but I still went to see him on Sunday night because he said he wanted to talk to me.
Then it happened, when he told me everything. He told me that he did go to see his wife on Saturday evening, but felt bad because he had me on his mind, and then when he came home he didn’t want to see me because she was on his mind, I think that’s why they had that big fight the other day.
Anyway, we had a long talk, and we talked about the situation we found ourselves in, and for a moment I felt that it was all my fault for falling in love so quickly and that it all happened just like litening, so fast, so strong all of a sudden, so I cried, and when a tear rolled down my cheek, he was trying so hard to make me smile by playing those songs he played when I first fell in love with him, so I gave him a flashing smile even though my feelings were hurt. He told me he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but it was obvious to me that he does love me, then why do this. What hurt me the most was that he didn’t tell me this last week, before we kissed, hugged and all that good stuff, and he told me it was because he didn’t realize it because he had that fight with his wife at the time and he felt lonely.
Before he walked me home he asked me if he could pick me up after school on Monday, but I told him it would be better if he picked me up on Tuesday because I needed some time too, just like him. In our situation, the decisions we have to make are not easy, they are hard and life-changing, that’s why we have to take it slow, but because of what happened yesterday I found out that deep in his heart he does love me and wants me to break up with my boyfriend, but is afraid to admit it because of his wife.
I am not afraid to admit that I love him, but the reason why I’m still with Steven is because I don’t really want to even think about what would happen to me after I break up with him. For so long I have been afraid to lose him and I told everyone about him, that I didn’t even imagine me being the one that would eventually leave him, it’s so difficult.
I was still crying a little bit before he brought me home, but my heart was a little bit calmer now, and it felt as if it was saying: “Time,time, what you need is time”, so I planned to spend some time at the busstop after school, and didn’t come to see him.
Today, just when my math class was suppose to start, Steven called me, and even though I didn’t answer, just hearing his ringtone made me think, “OK, you still care for me, I can’t leave you yet”, and
Smiled to know that he called.
I slept in class, because my mind was still majorly spinning and did not allow me to do any big thinking, and it probably still wouldn’t.
When I left that class, something very amazing happened just as soon as I arrived at the busstop.
Just as I sat down, when it was still raining, wet and cold, the phone rang and it was Fillipe. Even though I told him to pick me up from school on Tuesday,he still offered me to pick me up yesterday, but I kept on telling him, “we can do it tomorrow, Istill needa little more time, and I kind of miss staying here on Mondays”.
”.
After we were done talking, I was just getting ready to play a sad song on the peny-whistle, when I stop and watched. All of a sudden the rain stopped, and the sun came up.
I was completely stunned, he literally turned my rainy, cold day into a bright day full of sunshine.
I still had my mind spinning, but I can certainly feel his love more than ever now, and I am so, but so happy!
I stayed there for a few more hours, and then came back home, not stopping by his corner to see what happens.
He then called me when I just got home, and because of the tone of his voice when he said goodnight I really felt like he did love me with his whole attitude, but I was still confused because Steven called earlier and that might mean that he still loves me.
Before Stevenwent to bed he came out to say Hi to me, and I decided to play a joke on him.
He started saying that tomorrow he’ll eat a salad for lunch, with a lot of fatty stuff, and I told him, “You’ve been thinking about me weren’t you?”, and he said, “ah, maybe”,and then I told him, “Ok, you haven’t! goodnight”, and tried to shut the door, but he got in the doorway so I just hid in Cokie’s room until he said “Come here!”, in that cute voice of his, then I ran to him and he hugged me! See? I’m confused, because even though our love feels like it’s sliding away, we still have those bright little moments sometimes, and I was glad of that.
Then he went to bed and I called my mom, when I hear the other line ring again,
It was him again!
He left a message and because I had that funny feeling that it was him, I told mom I had a phonecall and called him back.
This time, when I heard him say that he really missed me and the way he told me goodnight, I felt his “Love, all around”, like that song he sang to me. IT was soaring through my veins and it made me want to dance. I told him I’ll see him tomorrow, and as soon as we finished talking, I started dancing the night away until now.
I bet we are going to have lots of fun tomorrow.
Laters

H I L, flying in the clouds again.