http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOZScNBbJgM

Bored

Hay again.

I just want to express my feelings about this whole thing with this blog, and one thing that really concerns me is that, other than my birthday and our anniversary, our relationship has become pretty boring and monotonous. It seems as if the only thing we are both sharing is the room and the bed, we don't share the same dream, we only talk for a few minutes before he starts playing the game again or puts his book on, and then he cuddles with me for a few minutes at night before he goes to bed no later than 10:00, and when we wake up is the same thing all over again.

Well, almost always. I must acknoledge that he did sing to me on Friday before I went to the bookstore with Cokie to help her wrap Christmas presents, and today he bought me dinner and we talked a little bit more than we had in weeks.

I think he is now beginning to notice that I do get dissappointed when he spends most of his time in the game and his books, so today he surprised me when he got on the game a little later than usual, and did not turn his book back on when the battery ran off last night. That's a plus for him!

However, today he almost broke my heart when he said that he wouldn't date me anymore for being too expensive ... it was a joke, but still, he almost did. I knew it was a joke because as soon as I left the room and was on my way to the bathroom to cry for him, he stood in front of me, put his arms around me to stop me, hugged me, an said: "Where are you going? come here"!

Then we ordered Mexican food, I got me some type of rice and beans that reminded me of mom's rice and beans, but it was called a "ditch bowl". It reminded me of that saying, "I'm in a ditch and can't get out", from "magnificent obsession", I loved it!

After that he wanted to look for some sounds on my computer and then he went back to listen to his book.

News: Mom said I could stay here in Austin until Sunday, so I've changed my ride for Sunday afternoon, so we can have our usual Sunday morning before I leave.

Last minute news: I finally convinced him about going to walk around in the mall or do something fun before I leave. I won't be seeing him for a month unless I can come sooner than January 18, and there is very little chance that I will be able to, like I told my friends, "I'm gonna die"!

Anyway, I have to go so that I can dance a little more before going to sleep, (early). I have to wake up early tomorrow because I have my A T U at 8:00 and I don't know how long it's going to last, and then we'll talk about a date for Friday, I'm think going to the mall is a good start to get him to try new things.

Laters:

Claudia ... one hour on the clouds, then one on a ditch, stuck, not knowing what to do.

This year's Anniversary Poem: I Remember

I remember the first day,
the first day we met,
the very first day,
your voice I heard,
and the wonderful feeling, in my heart I felt, so strong, so beautiful, since we first met.
I remember the first day,
the first day you kissed me,
the very first time,
your arms wrapped around me,
the first time you told me that you loved me,
it felt so wonderful to hear this from you,
and I was so happy, because I love you too.
I've loved you from the minute I heard your voice,
it's just like breathing, I don't have a choice,
and I will love you, now and forever,
and this precious day, I will always remember.

Our Anniversary, December 7

Our Anniversary was one of the most uver-coolio special days of our relationship. It was even more coolio to know that I was the one who had it all planned, so if you want to talk about coolioness, this was the day!
After my birthday, which is when I thought this out, I was still very excited and still had that festive spirit. And besides, I knew I was going to celebrate the day in which Steven came into my life, so I had to make it special.
I was thinking about maybe, making him a special dinner, or breakfast in bed, etc, but I didn't know what to make for the dinner and breakfast in bed sounded pretty boring.
I decided it had to be something more.
After I came home for my birthday, mom gave me some peruvian candy, so I thought he might like it, I just had to get a giftbag to put it in. Ah, but then I went to the L Y C page and looked at those beautiful anniversary cards, and I thought, "I have to get him a card like that, or I won't forgive myself", so I asked my mobility teacher to take me to Wallgreens on Friday to buy that card, and to see what else I could find.
So there I was, except that I again forgot the stupid debit card, just like I did when I went to the bus station.
I told the guy that was helping me at Wallgreens that I was going to buy the card and then an anniversary gift for my boyfriend.
Well, he read me the cards and helpedme pick one up, and I chose one that said: "Happy You and Me day", and that has a beautiful love poem that I don't really remember but it was very sweet. The card also looked very nice, and with it, came a little envelopefor me to put a note inside and I thought: "coolio, I could write him an anniversary note". Then we went to look for a gift, I had nothing in mind so I just said I wanted to give him something nice. We looked, looked and looked, and then we found a nice massage pillow, and I thought: "He's really lazy so he might like that", so I went to check it out, and it was then when I realized that I forgot the stupid card.
Luckily, I had a $20 bill in my pocket, so I thought, "Candy, he likes candy", and went to the candy section. I knew they had chocolate, all the stores have chocolate around, and then I remember how he was talking about peanut butter the other day, and I thought, "Peanut butter cups", so I bought him 2 of them, get it? two for two?
Anyway, when I was pretty sure he was going to like the gift, I bought a giftbag to put them in, then I checked it all out andcame back home.
I hid the gift beside my computer and waited for him to go smoke, and then I ran to the room and got the peruvian candy and a peace of paper in which to write my note. I finally got one from my calendar, it had holes punched at the top but I cut them off when I finished the note. I wrote:
"My life was always sad and blue,
until the day I met you". At the bottom I drew 7 hearts, and wrote: "Happy Anniversary my love"."
I arranged the gift, the peruvian candy on one side of the bag, the card and not in the other, the peanut butter cups at the bottom, then I stuffed it all in the shopping bag and put it in the fridge, in the bottom drawer.
The next morning I talked to Cokie and she suggested that I take him out to dinner at the Catfish Parlor.
I had already set up a ride and everything, but they gave me a cab baucher so we had to take a cab.
I was excited and looking foreward to celebrating our day.
I stayed up with Cokie until a little after midnight, then reluctantly went to sleep.
The next morning, when he kissed me and told me: "Happy Anniversary baby," and I told him "Happy Anniversary to you too my love", Iwas so, but so excited it seemed like I have been waiting for this day forever instead of just a year.
I got up, went to the computer, and waited just for the right time to procede with the next step of the plan.
While he was out smoking with Luis and Cokie was in her room listening to her book, I closed Cokie's door, got the gift out of the fridge and out of the shopping bag. Then I got the card out of the bag and decided to give it to him separately, (no point on giving it to him along with the gift if he couldn't read it), instead, I put it on the table and sang "forever and for always" while I waited for him ro come in.
After a couple more minutes, he did, and I turned the music down, stood in front of him, got the gift, and gave it to him saying "1, 2, 3, happy anniversary".
He said he loved it!
Then he called me into the room to help him with the card, and he loved the Peruvian candy.
I was so happy I started to write an anniversary poem, "I remember".
Then I told him we were going to the catfish parlor in the evening, and even though he was sick, he decided to go with me, so we went. He even told me I could dress up for the occasion, so I did. I was wearing a very dressy sparkly dressing shirt top that was really coolio, my pretty pants that he likes, my shoes with sparkly little beeds at the top, my favorite bracelet, my 3 star bracelet, my new necklace and earrings. I felt pretty and wanted to dance really bad.
So we went, Except for it wasn't the catfish parlor, but the applebees.
I called us a cab and we got a very cool driver who took us all around the block to find that stupid restaurant, but when Steven called them we got the surprise that it was the corporate office. We went to another catfish parlor close by, but they said it was closed, "Major crap", I thought when he said, "OK, then take us bach home". "It's all over, we're going home, we're going back to bed, what an anniversary!".
Then suddenly he said, "do you know if there's an applebees or a venigans around here?", it was just the right question at the right time at the right place, and she took us to the applebees that was cloce by.
We got off and got there, he got us a booth for both of us, and then he had a very ffat cheesy burger with chees-stick, his favorite, and I got me a very extra special asian salad with almonds that I found on the menu. As soon as I read it, I thought "Almonds", and ordered it immediately.
We ate our special dinner joyfully, as if we were already happily ever after, and then we just stayed there talking for a few more minuts and enjoying the night while we waited for the check.
Then I paid for our meals (he always does), and then we came back home.
I told him how bad I needed to dance, and he said I could stay up till 2:00 even if I woke Luis up, and I loved it, though I wish I would've done more dancing.
Cokie came home late, but when she did, she looked at me and thought I looked beautiful. I had to agree with her, I not only looked beautiful; I felt beautiful.
After 2, I played our anniversary song "Breakfast to Tiffany's", and went to bed, and woke up at 11:30 the next day.
It was such an extraordinary night, and I have a feeling that our love will last forever.
Laters:
Claudia, more and more in love!

since he moved in

I could have never been luckier than this last couple of weeks, when almost everything worked quite as planned.
Steven Came home on the 22nd, just a little after 10, after I had time to finish making some room for his stuff and throwing crap away.
I was incredibly excited about the arrangement, as he could surely tell, and seeing him home made me feel as if my dreams, one by one, unwinding before me, were starting to come true, like mom one day said, “forming the start of a clear little pathway before me,through which I must walk to reach my goals”.
The first thing he did was to greet me, put his stuff down, talk to Cokie for a while, and spend some time in our room which has now become our home. That was because he said he didn’t feel quite home yet, but I loved it.
Later we found out that Steven’s BET work program doesn’t start until the end of December, so that means we’ll have these couple of crucial weeks all to ourselves.
The first few days were also very exciting and relaxing although I had to get used to sleeping early in order to lay there with him, in his arms, cradling me like I said in “The Meaning of home”, as if they were my little sweet nest, powerful and protective, purifying me, and filling me with his hugs and kisses.
We would wake up in the morning and he would take me out for breakfast, or even just stay home and lie there next to each other, and I would cuddle with him while he listened to his book.
For the last couple of days we would listen to music in the evenings with his friend Luis, and he would sing to me, laugh to me, give me the gift of his smile and laughter and make me laugh with him.

When the day came for me to go to Houston, I woke upat8:30, reluctantly, I was planning to get upat 8, but I so did not want to go, I sodidn’t want to leave those arms of his that held me so cloce, I started packing up before he came BTW, but I had to finish getting ready, and I so did not want to, so he let me stay 30 more minutes with him before he reminded me to get ready.
I thought I got everything, so when I finished, I went right back to the bed and led him wrap his arms around me for a few more minutes before we went outside.
I went outside with him and Cokie while I was waiting for my ride. When my ride came, we kissed goodbye and then I left, so reluctantly that the driver and the neighbors noticed how much I wanted to stay here.
It wasn’t until I got to the bus station when I realized that I forgot my debit card. I brought everything, but without my card I couldn’t buy my ticket. I was mad, and I called Steven and Cokie who told me they would find my card and give it to me. I then had to call mom to tell her that I couldn’t get on that bus because I forgot my card, and she was mad at me too.
“Instead of being all so in love and smitten and lose contact with reality, you should check your stuff before you leave!”.
IT was almost time for the other bus to come before Cokie finally got there. She did not only give me my card, but bought my ticket herself with her cash money.

The Stupid bus was late, and Cokie decided to help me get on the bus so she waited with me. I had to have my dad pick me up because mom was at work. I thought dad would get mad at me like my mom did, but he didn’t. He seemed to somewhat understand how love struck me and clouded my mind in such a way to make me forget the things I usually don’t forget.
Then I was glad to see my mom.
The next day was the family’s thanksgiving dinner, but I woke up with a cold but didn’t tell anyone until late at night.

The dinner was OK at the beginning, I saw my grandma and my uncle and both aunts. My little cousins were playing with other babies who were the son and daughter of a couple of my parents friends. I liked some of the food, but what I didn’t like, was how it all ended.
To start with, we all know how my dad’s drinking gets worse in family meetings and celebrations, and this was not an exception. He drank heavily and enjoyed it. But that’s not all, my cousin then started playing my ex favorite song over and over again and wanted me to sing it, but because I now hate her and did not want to sing that song I listened to my recorder and my sister helped me out by telling them I was busy talking on the phone. Then she changed it to a song we both could sing and we did, and my sister said, “See? that’s not so bad after all”. The point is that my sister knew that if I would’ve had to sing that stupid song, I was going to break down, and I was to ashamed to break down in public.
Ah, but then thanks to my sister, I didn’t have to do that, and she also gave me a CD that she recorded for me and one of her CD players.
I went to sleep afterward, and woke up to the sound of banging on the door. It was my dad fighting with my sister. She came crying up to me for help, then we realized that dad almost got in trouble for that.
Well, and now, my birthday was a mood-swinger!
It was the most unusual, out of the ordinary birthday I’ve ever had in my whole life, and that is what I liked about it.
The cool thing was that I got to see my grandma and both my aunts and little cousins on my birthday dinner planned by my grandma.
They did it on Sunday because they all knew that I was coming home for my birthday. It wasn’t much of a dinner,there wasn’t almost anything I could eat there, but mom was really happy for me and I was glad to see my family after so many months. Dad wasn’t invited because of a problem he had the night before, so I felt sorry for him but it was OK.
It all started when I came back home from the dinner and was talking to my mom while she was checking her email, she was having some trouble with the song I sent her, so I showed her my page with my poems instead. She had a hard time going through the page, finding my poems and reading the page, but she said she liked it. She told me that she saw that “Bag of Dreams” was rated 5 stars above the rest of my poems, and she voted for it to help me get more points. She enjoyed it, though she did not understand most of it,she found it beautiful.
We spent midnight together, and right at 12:00, she gave me a big hug and a kiss, told me how proud she was of me in spite of my situation at school,w ished me luck, joy and happiness, and a very happy birthday.Then I spent a few more minutes with her before we went to bed.
“Mom,could you wake me up tomorrow?”, I asked herand she said yes, buttold me I should go to bed soon for I was to to have a long day on my birthday. I danced in my room for a while before I went to bed,and then I lay still, wondering about my birthday surprise Steven and Cokie said they had planned for me, weaving the dreams of it, and asking myself: would it be flowers?, or perhaps some dancing?, would he give me a love-shower?, would he throw a party?, or perhaps simply sing me a song for my birthday?,I wondered, but I didn’t know, and I was not supposed to know until after I got home,that’s why I called it a homecoming birthday.
The dreams of it were very short,and unusual, some were exciting, some heartbreaking, but all of them were undescribable and each of them had a sense of excitement of its own.
I was barely awake until mom came to me and said breakfast was almost ready. I was a little disappointed because my little Miracle was not part of it, she hadd to go to school,and dad made my strawberry juice instead of mom,and it tasted weird. Anyway, we were together,and that was all that mattered, we made it quick because we didn’t have much time, and then mom had an appointment and I took a shower and got ready to come back home. I was waring my birthday shirt,my earrings that my cousin gave me,my necklace that my grandma gave me,my 3 star bracelet that my little sister gave me,and saved all the money I collected from after my birthday dinner. I talked to some of my family from Peru.
Before I left I collected a few festive ribbons and pom-pons, took my new CD player that my sister gave me with the CD she recorded for me, and when I was on the bus, I put the em all out and tapped my hands and feet to the beet, dancing on my seat, with the pom-pons decoration, I tied a tight bow string and pinned it to my shirt.1 hour, 2 hours,passed, no phonecalls from almost anybody,I started getting a little upset.
Then I called Steven, only to find out he was on his game.and was mad because he didn’t even tell me happy birthday.When mom called she noticed the distress in my voice and went right to the point when she asked me if Steven hasn’t called me to wish me happy birthday, I was crying, and didn’t dare to answer, just hung up.
“Party’s over!”, I thought, “I’ll get home, he’s gonna be in the game or listening to his book,I’m gonna go to bed,it’s all over!”
I called Cokie hoping she would help me feel better about it, but she just laughed because I didn’t know about the surprise that awaited me, I asked her what was so funny, she said I was. I was crying on my way home, and even the driver noticed.
I then got home, put everything down and was very mad and almost cried on him because he didn’t wish me happy birthday.
He said he was just playing the game until I got home, but I still thought it was not a good excuse.
“OK, then I’ll get back on the game”, he told me, and I said, “OK, then I’m going to bed”, “No”, he said, “you’re gonna get up”, so I got up and followed him, still angry at him for not remembering my birthday. He pointed to the table and said: “Close your eyes, it’s a surprise.”, he said with a cute voice, that one that touches me deeply everytime I hear it.
Then he put my hands on the table, and guided them to the vase sitting on the tableclot, right beside my computer’s speakers. “A bottle”, I thought, “Maybe it’s just champagne”. Then he put it up to my nose and told me to smell it, but to my bad luck,my nose was stuffed so I had some trouble smelling it,but it sure smelled good.
Then he told me to feel up at the top, and I felt them, the flowers, very, very beautiful arrangement of roses with a balloon at the very top, tied to a tight bow string, and a drawing that said “best wishes. My heart leaped up with joy!
I was also very surprised and stunned, and very, very happy.
“They’re beautiful!” I said, but that was not all, Cokie bought some whole graincake, orange and apple flavor,2 paper platesfor Steven and I, she bought apple juice, some sparkling grape juice,a fruit bowl, and Steven gave me a t’shirt he got me for my birthday.
That still wasn’t all, but he also gave me what he called, “birthday loven”. Which was hotter and more exciting than ever.

First he told me to not move while he undressed,that he would take my clothes off himself, so I would be able to feel his big beautiful hands actually doing the work for me.
We were standing face to face in the room, like if we were going to dance, instead we were quiet, not moving, just the way he likes it.
Hehugged me, then kissed me with a veryobvious passion,first softly and tenderly,then strong, passionately, and beautifully, I was delighted.
Then he took my shirt off, those hands of his working its way out off my hands by the sleves, held up high.
Then he unbuckled my bra, not before moving his hands up and down my back, caressing me, touching my back tenderly. As he did this, he showered it with tender little kisses that were as cute as himself. Then my neck and my breasts, he sucked on them, played with them.
Then my pants and underware fell off, and he showered that little part with kisses and licking as well, then caressed it and worked it with his powerful fingers until I was so excited I felt I could explode at any minute.
He took my sucks off, too. He kissed me again and again, from head totoe, and held me very tight before he finally put it on me and led his passion mix in with mine.
It wassuch a sweet feeling of pleasure and excitement and ecstacy, I was involuntarily pressing against him, feeling him fill me up with all of his strength and spirit, heal me.


When we were done,I gasped and said: “That deserves a dance.
I felt like I needed a dance, badly, I was overexcited, so hyper I thought I could just sing and dance and jump all night long.

That was how great it was, our anniversary is coming pretty soon and I’m almost ready for it.

Laters

H I L

All His forever!

Yesterday afternoon, I was asleep when he came to see me.
I then felt his strong, loving hands tickling me awake and his warm, handsome body right next to me.
"Wake up, my love", he told me, "it's me"!
I was speachless for a moment, and then I realized it was him, my prince charming.
We went outside for a moment, then we made love and then he put me right back to sleep. I don't know how he does that, but every time he seems to get better and better at it ... he's so good!
When he puts me to sleep, it's a very irresistible thing. I knew that if I went back to sleep I wouldn't be able to sleep at night, but no matter how I don't want to go back to bed, I do it anyway just to feel him so cloce to me, holding me tight, and feel myself wrapped up in his arms. Once I'm there, it's like I colapse in them, die in them, with so good of a skill he has to do what he does.
That was all of my day with him yesterday, a friend of his said he was coming over, but he never called him back so we went right back to sleep.
Then we woke up at almost midnight, said Hi to Cokie, who was just coming back home, and then she told me: "Have fun"!
I told them that I didn't want to go back to sleep, but since he was here, he put me to sleep because I slept all day long, but since he was here, he put me back to sleep with his skillful ways again, it was like magic!
I didn't realize it until I woke up at 4:00 this morning. He woke up shortly after, and then he took me out for breakfast.
Right after breakfast, though, when we came back home and we went back to bed, supposedly to cuddle for a few minutes, I felt more his than ever before!
It was the way he was keewarming me up after a cold morning. He had one arm under the pillow, as usual, then held me cloce to him with his right, leaning sideways, with my legs squeezed in between his, and from time to time he'd press my body against him, and said, "Mine, mine"! it was like he was claiming me, I loved it. I love feeling small in frint of him, currling up in his arms, and letting him take over me and do whatever he wants with me in those moments.
After a few more minutes, we fell asleep again!
The dreams I had during those time were short and sweet, most of them hard to describe with words. One of those is when I dreamed that my whole world was his kingdom, body and mind. My dreams came from him, my inspiration, all of it. If I did something right, was for him, and if I did something wrong, it was for him too. I don't know, it's kind of hard to describe it.
Anyway, then we woke up and came to Cokie's room to hang out with her while she was giving him some books. We did so many beautiful little things in there, hugging, kissing, making each other laugh, he almost made me cry a little, but it was just a joke. He also made me dance, like he always does, and most of all, he gave me a short little skyride and then moved my arms around as if I were a puppet. In my mind, I knew I was more than just crazy for him, I was consumed into him, and I often get like that and obscess in his every mood.
It was funny when he told me: "you need help", "you are beyond help", Cokie told me.
"i know", I told him, still dancing around in a frenzy. "Where can I get that kind of hep", "well," he said, "we can put you in a mental hospital, but I doubt they can help", "no they wouldn't", said Cokie. "they wouldn't", I told him, "the only one who can help me is you". "I know", he said laughing.
Again, that leads to the question of how and why did he have to be so beautiful and irresistible, so much as to win my heart in such an easy way.
When he asked me what would I do if someone would cut him with a knife, I told him, "I'd cry", I just know I would, and that is when I almost did cry a little, but I didn't because as soon as he heard the change in my tone of voice, he brought me to him, held me in his arms, and said, "I love you", and kissed me again and again. I think that by now he's starting to realize that as much as he can make me dance, sing and laugh of overjoy, he can also do the oposite, and make me cry. Like I said before, he hasn't done much himself, but when he does, it truly hurts like if his words were knives themselves, creating wounds that only he can heal back. Like our first big fight we had for example. He had to come back on Monday because it hurt like hell and I thought I was going to die if it was the end. I'm so glad he hasn't done any thing like that lately.
It was also kind of funny how I took pictures of him with my phone and he didn't even notice.
Well, then we kissed goodby and then he had to leave to catch a bus.
Note: I can't wait till the 22, when he moves in with me, one more week and he's home!
No more sad and miserable Friday nights, no more turns to cry, "except he makes me", and most of all, I'll have him with me every night during this cold winter.

What I discovered: On the last few weeks I have discovered that is not what he does, but what he is that makes my heart love him like crazy. He might not do much, but he [is] my prince charming. Believe me, it's getting to the point where I start losing notion of time, and in some instances, I get so giddy I lose my sense of direction for a moment.
Well, got to go dance while I still can.
Until next time
Claudia
AKA "Steve's girl forever"!

Love Story

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlbB7qt6v_0

Poem of the Week: The meaning of Home

The meaning of Home

One day I heard someone saying
“Home is where the heart lives”,
So I shall build my home right here with you,
Because with you is where my heart lives.
Your handsome body shall be my mansion,
Your loving arms, my little nest,
Where I can sleep, safe and sound,
And where I’m always at my best.
And cradled in your hands,
Like a delicate flower,
Is my heart,
That lives to love you,
And misses you when we are apart.
Home means something different for everyone,
It’s a four lettered word that means so much,
But to me, my sweet home will always be with you,
Loving you, kissing you, feeling your warm touch.

Dream-home is almost here

Well here we are!
He's moving here with us, it's amazing! I'm going to start a dream-home right here!
Well, I'm going to start this week by saying that Friday I had my first bad dream about Steven. Though I don't remember all of the details of the dream, I do remember that it was about him leaving me right there in the same breakfast table where we met, it was downright insulting and heartbreaking!
I also remember how I woke up crying from the dream, scared, sad, and almost shaking.
I called a friend I usually talk to during hard times, but he didn't answer. Then I called Bianca, my ex roommate, and she helped me feel a little bit better.
It wasn't until Steve came and healed the scars that this stupid dream left on my heart, that the memories of it didn't stop tormenting me, crossing my mind.
I cried a lot, was scared, and hoped and prayed that it never happens.
I wanted to call Steven, but I wasn't sure about calling him because I thought he might be working.
Finally he came here on Saturday, at his usual time. I was so sorry that my mind was still tormented by this dream, so I fell asleep when he wanted to practice his penny-wistle with me, I was exhausted mentally and emotionally.
"What's going on, baby? are you still thinking about that stupid dream?, don't pay much attention to those things", he told me. It wasn't what I needed to hear to let that dream go, so silently and slowly this dream was torturing me, I mean, I could not forget how real it sounded, that beautiful voice saying the words that hurt me the most, and how sadly I cried bbefore I finally shook myself away from that bad dream, how bitter where the tears I cried, how scary it was, etc.
Finally, when I thought I was going to cry in front of him, I took courage, and told him: "I just need to know one thing before we go to sleep", "What, about the dream?", he said sighing, I didn't know if it was of irritation, or because he was tired. "Yes, I need you to do me a favor and tell me this will never happen so I can have some sleep tonight". I guess he knew by the tone of my voice that I really needed to hear that, or I wasn't going to be able to let that dream go away.
"Honey," he said, in a soft, deep tone of voice, the kind that gets right to my heart when I need it to, "I won't do that. I won't ever leave you like that. I love you very much and I make time to come here to make you happy", he said as he held me in his arms and conforted me, with one hand on my heart and another one softly caressing my hair and then holding my hand. I could feel him healing me like a skilled surgeon would bind up a wound to stop it from bleeding. Only theseee were emotional cuts, the kind of cuts that are invisible and can only be healed with intense, powerful love.
I felt a lot better. Then he told me about his work and why he wouldn't stay in the relationship if he didn't really love me and was serious about it.
Then he ended the healing session by making love to me and blowing my mindd free from that stupid nightmare.
We went to sleep a little earlier than usual and then I woke up and watched him sleep peacefully like a baby.
Then the next morning, we talked and laughed for a while, then he talked to Cokie and then we kissed goodbye and he left for his lunch.
I was very relieved, and happy to see him as usual.
The good news came yesterday, when he called and told me he will be here startin November 22. I was in a shock of excitement. He also told me he was going to come today, and he did.
He came this morning to talk to Cokie, who was getting dressed for work.
Then we hung out for a while and Cokie and him came to an agreement that it was going to be the 22. Then we went to the store to get drinks and then came back to talk so more, about our plans, our day, about us!
When we were in Cokie's room and she was doing something for him in the computer, he held me close, and I currled into his arms like a ball. We laughed, hugged, kissed, moved around, and I loved it and was happy as as sunshine.
About 30 minutes before he left, we were sitting in the couch and I could feel, by the movement of his hands, his voice, everything else, how he told me that he loved me very much, and I told him I love him to, very, very much. I could feel how he was building up that "Bag of Dreams" deep within me, like a weaver who is weaving some enchanted fine thread into a marvelous peace of find artistry.
I still could not belive what I was hearing.
note: Cokie could tell that I was also feeling kind of dizzy . Since we got back from the store to the time he left, I found it kind of hard to walk on a straight line.Then after we kept talking and so on, he and Cokie left and I took a nice, long nap.

News:
My dream-home will start here, even before my birthday, amazing!

I'm going to spend Thanks-giving with my parents, and maybe I will spend my birthdaywith mom too.
I want it to be a home-coming birthday, but at the same time I want to party, or at least get together with my family celebrating my 24th birthday.
Then I think Steven is going to have a break for our anniversary, I hope we could do something special.

Well, got to go, llaters!

Do you believe in Forever?

I know that's a question people who are in love are always wondering about, and I am no different.
Yesterday he came with his friend Luis and they practiced their song they learned last week, and then I had to teach them another song from the CD. I bet the neighbors probably heard them, but I didn't care, I knew he wanted to learn those songs.
Anyway, what kept me thinking yesterday was when they talked about "us jumping together" from thousands of feet off the ground. "He'd have to hold me", I told them.
"then you guys can jump up holding hands", said his friend.
I know his friend could tell how much I love him, but the answer is, could he tell?
The thing is not for his friend to notice it, but for him, Steven, to know that I would go to "the End of the World" with him if I had to.

Last night, that's all I could think about.
This morning, when we woke up, he also told me that he might have to live here with Cokie for afew months before we get our dream-home. After we both were wide awake and after cuddling for a few minutes in the bed, he lay on the floor and then he wanted me to walk on his back because it started hurting. I felt a little bad noticing his handsome features on the floor, but when I walked on his back, it felt like walking on a bridge. A bridge of future, a bridge that will lead me home. After I was finished, I gave him a backrub, I thought it might help a little more.
I've also noticed that he's already starting the preparations for our anniversary, so I might as well do the same.
I can't believe it! One more month and we'll be a year together, our first year!
Wait, and before he left, I told him: "i will always love you." "I hope so", he said.
"I hope you always love me, too!", I told him.
"Probably", he said, and smiled teasingly. I didn't like the smingin of doubt in his voice. In my mind, I thought, "I would die if you told me you didn't love me". I just hope he doesn't break my heart all of the sudden, especially not now.
That's all for now, kind of a short weekend, I know.

Dream-home news: "I finally told mom a bout my dream-home. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
I had to tell her because she told me: "I've heard on the radio as I was on my way to work, that God gives us kids to guide them, to help them grow and mature into young adults until they find their own way. Then they go away".
I cried, silently, painfully, and then I said: "mom, I have something to tell you but I don't know how".
I think she'd already expected the answer to "Don't tell me, you're moving in with him
"Yes Mom", I said timidly. I expected her to go mad or to ask questions such as when, where, how, but all she told me was: "That's the way of life, my daughter, you're growing up".
She's finally realizing that I am no longer a little girl, that I'm growing up into a young woman, and I'm so proud of her.
Also, if Steven does stay here it will be much easier for me to understand and love him.


Please don't forget to check out the song I got from youtube, "Forever and for Always".

That's all for now, see you next week.

Forever and For Always

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om4s71i0J5Q

Sunday Mornings

I’ts the sweetest day of the week, one I look forward to, its the dearest time to speakof,it is just a day for two.Oh, wonderful Sunday mornings,and how beautiful the feeling is,to wake up every Sunday morning,with a hug and a kiss,with my true love right beside me. It is truly a wonderful thing, To feel him cloce, holding me tight, Through the serene Saturday night, And waking up to feel his warmth.Sunday mornings, I’m all his, A very dear, passionate time, A time to refill myself of his love,And feel lucky that he is mine. As the song of the dawn comes to us,And as I hear the birds sing through my window, They seem to see my love for him,And sing us a beautiful song. “good Morning, my love”, I whisper,To my lover in his ear, As he wakes, slowly, tenderly,Hoping he was able to hear, The message of the morning song.Sunday mornings is time for two, for a love so sweet, so strong, so true, it’s a beautiful way to start the week,as we say to each other, “I love you”.

Him

Hello
Just coming up with the news about "bag of Dreams", the poem is making its way to the finals and I'm so proud of it.
I am also going to open my own fan club, and I plan to call it "Claudia's Club". From here, you can view my blog, check out my poems, go to my library, share music, or even have some of the poems sent by Email upon request. It may take me some time to create this group, but I'm looking forward to it. AH, and you could even view pictures of Steven and I.
But first, I am so glad about "Bag of Dreams". The poem will be published in a poetry book, and I might win money for it, or if not, a golden, silver, or bronce medal.
I am not interested about the money particularly, but if I do earn money for my poetry, I'm going to save it for my dream-home.
Anyway, Steven came yesterday at his usual time, and as usual, I was so happy to see him, to hug him, to kiss him.
After he put his stuff up and everything else, I showed him my new CD's I got from a girl at school last week. When he sang those country songs on the CD, I had the recorder with the earphones plugged in so that it wouldn't beep, then pressed the button and recorded him. I also recorded a song I sang for him.
Then he wanted me to help him finish learning the song he'd already started to learn on the peny-wistle.
When he finally got the song down, he called his friend Luis up and told him to come over so that he could show him how to play that song. We picked Luis up at the bus-stop, and in our way we found a gentleman who asked, "Are you guys married or dating?" , in my mind Ithought,"Cool!, they think we're married"! until Steven said, "dating. I'm not ready for marriage anyway after being married twice and both of those marriages were very crappy". Then he went on telling the fellow about how his ex wife dumped him after he lost his sight and all that crap.
"why do boys get so confusing?
Last weekend he started talking about our future plans, about how if I married him both our lives would improve and yada-yada-yad. Now he's saying his not ready for marriage and that he may not get married again?, well, to tell you the truth, I'm not ready for marriage yet either, but I do plan to marry him eventually.
at least after I finish college and have a more stabilized lifestyle.

When Luis got off the bus, first we went to wallgreens to get our drinks and cigarrettes for Steven. Then we were on our way home, when Steven offered me a backride.
I climbed onto his shoulder, and, because I had my recorder in between my pants and underware, I couldn't settle in right, and kept slipping. Steven felt I was strangling him, Dammit!
I felt very bad for him, but would I have known better I shouldn't have brought that recorder with me, but what's done, it's done, right?
Anyway, I had to get back on my feet, and walk back home.
I could tell his friend was laughing at me, first because he started making obcene comments about my height, that, thanks to Steven, I wasn't really listening to, but then what he did afterward really insulted me. He mixed our drinks and gave me Steven's soda, and he gave him my limonade. Tha was really mean! now all of the kida at Steven's school are going to laugh at me because of that stupid trick!
Steven showed me how to tell if it was limonade or not, but even so, I'm not taking anything out of Luis's hands again. See that's why I don't like most of his friends, they play dirty tricks on me and treat me like if I was a Goddammed ignorant little kid, then apologize and do it again.
I respect Rodney, Bobby and Dawny because they have helped me when I got kicked out, but the rest of his friends are not very nice to me or look at me funny
Anyway, Steven showed Luis how to play the song, and then when Luis left, I played a couple of songs for him in my occarina, made love and went to bed. I didn't want to sleep, but he always puts me to sleep one way or the other.
The next day was when I found out about the dirty joke.
We laugh together like we usually do, and I just love it when he tickles me, when he puts his arms around me and makesme curled into a ball in his great big lap, ready for him to do with me whatever he wants.
He's got me so in love that now it's hard for me to study. Even so, I hope I do well on my test.
More updates next week:

your HIL friend.

Making Plans

Hi all,
Last week is finally over, it was torture. Now this week it's times to start all over again, fresh and clean.

When Steven came, he new right from the start that something wasn't right. I tried to tell him how I felt, and that I felt very disappointed that everyone could live my dreams but me, and that I was gellous, well, he already figured that out when we were talking about some appartments where 4 or 5 people share the same roof, and I brought Morgan up all of a sudden.
I think that now he finally realized that I can't stand seeing him with her, and it's not because I don't want him to be with girls, but because he and Morgan have too much in common, and therefore more things to talk about than we do., that when he's with her it makes me feel like I'm standing in between, like if they could make a perfect couple if I wasn't in the way.
But anyway, this weekend he didn't even talk to her on the phone, the point was to try to get her out of my mind, or at least, shake that maddening feeling of geloucy out of my heart.
He started by telling me that we will go to Dallas sometime, when we have time to actually do stuff and get with his family. He also said that Morgan won't be living in our dream-home whatsoever, if her boyfriend kicks her out, and she can't find a job, he said she'll go back to Alaska with her family.
After all, she has a 2 year old daughter, and neither Steven or I have the time to take care of her and all of the problems this 2 girls have been giving us during our vacation.
In short, we'll have a happy, safe and very wonderful dream-home.
He also talked about our future, things like, if he married me how it would affect my residence and citizenship status, and things in the near future, like moving in to a place where it can be easier for him to get to work and for me to go to school.
He's already started to work on our dream-home, and he has someone to help him look for an apartment that is afordable and convenient for both of us.
He brought his peeny-wistle again and I helped him learn how to play one of the beautiful songs on the CD.
He worked at it so hard, to the point where his thumb started hurting and I could tell how much effort he put into that thing, that when he wanted to watch a scary movie (and you know I really hate scarry movies more than anything else), I felt like he deserved to watch whatever the hell he wanted to and told him it was OK, after all that work.
Playing a musical piece with a new instrument is not as easy for him as it is for me because before he became blind he was a very visual person, and now he has to learn almost everything by hearing, but it is a challenge he decided to take because he really wants to learn to play this little thing. He has a friend, Luis, whom he used to think, played really good. But now that he learned this beautiful song, when his friend hears it I bet he'll be surprised, and I'll be more proud of him than ever before.
He left his CD on my CD player, so that when he started watching the movie I put my headphones on and start listening to it.
When I couldn't stand it anymore, I left the room and put some music on my computer and began to sing and dance. He then came outside to smoke and then I came along with him, and when we came back in the house, the computer was playing "Your voice". I started singing it to him, he then lift me up and when he put me back down and went to the room to watch his movie, I was singing and dancing louder and wilder.
It was in an hour or 2 when, realizing that my computer can wait, I turned it off and, hearing that he was still waching another movie, began to check my email but there was nothing there either.
He must have realized that because it was quiet or because he might've heard the goodnight message he recorded for my computer to play when it shuts down, I was getting bored and wanted him rather than my computer. He came out of the room, to my surprise, naked, and after going to the bathroom he came to hug me and I was lost in his embrace again.
"you don't have to be here, baby", he said, "you can come to bed with me and I can turn the movie off". How could I resist the temptation to come home to him? I accepted his offer and went to the room, back into his arms that are mine to build my home around.
He stopped the movie, held me tight, and put me to sleep with the same tenderness and sweetness as he always did. I could say that I literally "slept tight".
We woke up early in the morning, and then we cuddled in bed for a while until he went outside to talk to Cokie about my dream-home and then I guess Cokie must have told him about how I felt about the whole Dallas thing because of the conversation she and I had after he left.
I got dressed, washed up, etc, and went out to meed them. Then I heard them talk more about my dream-home.
I then came out with him and went back to the room to talk about our plans. He told me about the apartments he have found so far and how he's trying so hard to find one at a convenient area that follows the busline to where he would work.
He also talked about co-ups, small apartments where more than 4 or 5 people share a bathroom and kitchen, but pointed out that I might get gellous if he would live in one of those with a bunch of girls in underware. Also, let's not forget the fact that if those girls see his handsome body, they might fall in love with him, and my heart would break.
We stayed there for a while, laughing and kissing and talking to each other, and telling each other how much we love one another.
He told me, "don't you be forgetting it either". I knew what he meant, that when I notice myself starting to get gellous I just remember that he loves me, that always makes my heart feel better.
I put my hand in his heart and started feeling for those little signs telling me how much he loves me, and now it seemed to be telling me: "whatever happens, don't worry, here you have found your home".
I couldn't stop smiling at him.
Then he told me that next Saturday he won't be here, but that he might come Friday night depending on how he feels because he's going to that game party.
Just in case he doesn't come, I will see if I could find something else if not I'd get a friend to talk to me on the phone and help me not feel so lonely.
Then it was time for him to wait for his bus, so he left and I closed the door behind him, but stood there listening to him leaving, counting every step until I couldn't hear him anymore. It was about a minute and a half before I went back to the room.
After that, Cokie and I talked for a while and she asked me if I have talked to him about how I felt about the whole Dallas thing, and I told her I tried to.
She told me that he told her that he only needed Morgan to drive him around so that he doesn't have to spend more money than he has to. That made a whole lot more sense now, and even if she's not totally out of my mind yet, I feel a whole lot better than before about all this.


ACC news:
Starting tomorrowI won't have that class in the mornings, so Iwon't have to wake up so early, except for test or stuff likethat.
I have a test tomorrow, got to study.
Success: I'm finally going to get my book scanned, that's excellent!

More updates next week,

Poem of the week ... If I ever should lose you

If I Ever should lose you



If I ever should lose you,
My world would crash into a million little pieces,
All my dreams would be broken down in two,
If I should ever, ever lose you.
All the love and happiness,
That only you can give me,
Would vanish, and become loneliness,
Like the little leaves swept by the deep sea.
Imagine if the sun would not shine,
Or if, after the night, would never come the day,
If your love wasn’t mind,
There’s no reason why I should stay.
That’s why I’ll always, always love you,
And there’s nothing else to say,
And I only hope and pray,
that, to me, this never happens,
and for our love to last,
I shall pray,
Night and day.
That you will always, always love me,
Like I will always, always love you,
My world revolves around you,
So please don’t break my poor heart in two.

From the day I met you,
Until my dying days,
I will always love you,
In each and every single way.

Gellous

Well, before I break the bad news, let me say that “Bag of Dreams” is rocking and rolling once more, when it made it through
poetry.com with a silver plack.
Yesterday it all went well, he came, we made love, but before he watched a movie this time he told me about his little peny-wistle, not before ordering me some dinner, (I was starving BTW). I put some music on the computer and then we laughed and sang together before we got our dinner. Then he showed me his CD to learn how to play the peny-wistle, which is like a very thin little flute that can reach very high notes and it sounds so beautiful.
I was almost dancing to the beautiful songs and he had no idea that I was recording them.
He got a little frustrated because he couldn’t play most of the songs, but it sounded so wonderful and I wondered if we could play together, he with his Peny-wistle and I with my ocarina. I was pretty sure I was going to get inspired enough to write the poem I was planning on writing, but, as my bad luck interfered, that was not to last very long.
After dinner I was going to stay in the computer as he offered, but I didn’t because I wanted to stay with him, I figured the computer can wait.
I cuddled with him all night, then the next morning was when he broke off the bad news: He’s taking Morgan to Dallas with him in November, to Dallas! Can you believe that?
My dream was always to go to Dallas since the day I met him, and now, look at him, going with this girl to Dallas!
And not even with any girl, not even his best friend Terrie, with Morgan!
That’s right, that same girl who almost spoiled our vacation in San Antonio.
She’s not a “bad girl”, as a matter a fact, I respect her because she has a 2 year old daughter, but I don’t really like this girl because she’s trouble. To start with, Steven and her have the same interests, they even met each other playing that stupid game, they like the same books and watch the same movies, he calls her every night and always wants me to talk to her on the weekends when he comes, an he’s even planning on bringing her to Austin and letting her live in our dream-home, that’s really nuts!
I could tell he knew what I was thinking, he somehow read my mind, and then he tried to comfort me by telling me that someday he’ll take me to Dallas, just not now because he has lots of crap in his mind and lots of stuff to do … dam he even showed me his checklist! Then he cuddled with me so more, I felt better but still, that girl doesn’t convince me. I know what she’s up to, she just broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago and now she wants him to take her to Dallas and who knows what else just because she’s lonely. How many years hav I been lonely and nobody gave a dam about it?
And now that I have him, she’s trying to take him away from me? Hell no!
All of these questions and more came to my mind, and even though he was trying to sweep them away with his cuteness and all those little details that made me fall in love with him in the first place, when he left, they hit me even more and my head felt like it was exploding with questions.
I called Bianca, my ex roommate and sisterlike friend who has a lot of experience with this “Love” thing, and she said that maybe he’s dating me just because he might’ve felt sorry for me, you know, with him so utterly handsome and I so rehchet, it makes perfect sense!
Anyway, he left early, I assume that it was because he felt like he wasn’t getting anywhere with me, and he said he’ll call me tomorrow, kissed me goodbye and left.
My grandma just called a few hours later and said that she and the family might come to visit us on my birthday because she wants to meet him, and I just hope he’ll be here for that, otherwise I’m going to have to tell them the truth and I’ll be very pissed.

Laters,
Claudia, who is more and more gellous than the rain of the sun.

All because I love him

Yesterday when he came I was already ready for him, as always. I didn't think that we were going to do anything different, that it was going to be samo-samo, but not really.
No news for yesterday, we did the same thing, made love, fell asleep watching movies, but when I woke up he wanted me to watch more and one more movie so it was kind of boring. Before watching the movies though, he asked me a question that I thought he wouldn't, but it sounded like it came from his heart. "If I jumped off a bridge would you jump with me?" he said. "Yes, I will", I said. "In fact, even if you went to jail I would come with you", I told him, trying to show him that my love for him is so true, so real.
"I won't do it, I just wanted to know", he told me.
I don't care how crazy that may sound in front of others, even my parents, but I would do it anyway.
I had to stand him watching 3 movies in a row, and when the fourth movie came I couldn't stand it anymore, so I put my headphones on and started listening to him singing Blues Travelers on my recorder, then I raised the volume a bit too much and heard the song I sang for him at our friend Sara's appartment the night that Cokie took me in. Hi knows how much I love that song BTW.
Anyway, I finally got him distracted off the movie. As soon as he heard the song, he signaled me in his cute ways, then I found myself wrapped on his loving arms with him climing on top of me, laughing, tickling me playfully.
You weren't watching the movie, were you?
"How did you find out?, I asked, laughing.
"I heard it."
"I thought you were watching the movie", and he finally told me, "I can pay attention to more than one thing at a time, but I'll turn it off if you want me to and listen to my book."
So he turned it off and I put some music on while he listened to his book, and then I just lay there, cuddling with him.
We fell asleep shortly after, he did first, and then, after watching him sleep with those loving hands around me for about an hour, I fell asleep too.
I woke up before he did, and a few minutes later, after kissing me from time to time, he did too. I forgot to let him know that Cokie was going to make breakfast for us, but he stayed here for breakfast because Cokie told him. It was wonderful!
While Cokie was making breakfast, he was giving her movies, (well, that part was a bit boring).
But what was wonderful is what happened afterwards, when we started doing those little things that mean so much to me but are so many and some are kind of hard to describe. For example, when I was making applejuice while he went into the room and heard that song
"Bleeding love"
another song I identify myself with, and when I heard it, I finishedmaking it, then went into some kind of ecstacy and ran out to meet him, almost falling in the way. "What is she doing?" he asked Cokie. "She's falling for you", she answered.
I just laught and sat right beside him, enjoying him. "well, I heard that song so I thought I'd turn it up so you can hear it", he told me. "Thank you", told him.
Another one was when we danced around the house, (he usually doesn't), and then there were times when he'd spin me round and around and I felt like I was the moon spinning around the sun.
"She's crazy", he said. "Your beauty is driving me crazy", I told him. "I'm not beautiful," "Yes, you are, beau-ti-ful", I told him, kind of in a frenzy, spinning round with him and doing some kind of an overly excited love dance around him while he tickled me here and there, making me laugh. "Did you see that?", he said to Cokie, "no," she said.
"If you would've seen it you'd understand what I'm talking about", he replied.
I ended up kind of giddi, and then tried to walk on a strait line but instead felt like I was walking like a drunk. I was definitely out of my mind, and that happens often to me when I'm with him, more and more.
We just hung out, then I sat cloce to him while he was listening to his book. In my mind, I thought, "I even almost knocked the juice over, and watched almost 3 movies in a row, and almost fell down, and would jump off a bridge if I had to, all for him", I sighed at the thought, my hands in his, savoring the tenderness of his skin.
Then it was time for him to go, so we kissed goodbye, not before dancing around a little more, and then he left with Cokie.
After that, I went online to publish my most recent poem, "Bag of dreams".

Latest news:
I finally got to publish my poem.
ACC: Cokie found a way that I might get my books on an audio format.
Phone: Tell me was canceled, so mom is going to buy me a new phone.
Poems: my recent poem, "Bag of dreams", is rolling better than a rolling stone. A friend from ACC read it, I read it to another friend who was interested, I send it to Steven by email on Tuesday, and Steven and Cokie just talked about it today and said it was wonderful. It's amazing how many beautiful things I am experiencing in my life in the middle of the ACC crap, so many wonderful feelings expressed on paper, and so many changes still to come.
And, speaking of changes, I might even get my dreamhome by the end of the year in December, when Steven gets his own business in November and finds an apartment he can aford to rent, I'm really looking forward to it!
Well, that's all for now, more updates next week.
And by the way, you'll find my poem at
www.lovingyou.com/love poems
Laters!

Weekly Diary: Does he feel the way I do?: Poem: Bag of dreams

Bag of Dreams

Our love is like a bag of dreams,
that I carry with me every day,
it's always with me, wherever I go,
and it helps me in every step of the way.
Whenever somebody brings me down,
whether for pride, pleasure or fun,
I can draw from my bag of dreams,
and again I can feel the sun.
No matter how bad things may get,
or how miserable I might seem,
even if circumstances might make me upset,
with me, is always, my bag of dreams.
All it takes is some precious time with you,
to feel how you build it deep inside of me,
to fly away to our little world,
and to feel your loving arms all around me.
After I have had this precious time with you,
I can face almost anything,
by holding on to our wonderful dreams,
a smile to show and a song to sing.

From Claudia
to my love, Steven

Does he feel the way I do?

Last night I was in for a surprise. Even though we didn’t really do much, to me it was, I think, one of our best nights. After he came and we hang out and played with each other, he told me: “I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world”. I was stunned. I’ve felt this way since the day I met him, but found myself a little shy about it because I wasn’t sure he felt the same way too. But now, after he told me and sounded so sincere, so tender and so full of love, I simply had to tell him, and I gave him an idea of how hard Friday nights are for me when I told him: “I couldn’t sleep last night and you didn’t call, I wanted to call you but thought you were asleep” “I’m sorry”, he told me.
I turned the radio on, and while we cuddled on the bed, I told him, “It would be nicer if this radio had a remote control, that way I don’t have to reach for it”, and he told me, “We’ll have one of those on our house”. We talked about other things we haven’t before, like him being the only one in my heart, well, of course he is. If I had to choose between him, and the most rich and fun guy in the world, I would choose him, but not just because he’s handsome and so adorable, but also because he is my true love. He set me free! He had altered many of my life goals for good, and I knew since the very day I met him, that he was the one for me. I have never felt this way for anyone, and it gets stronger and stronger as time goes on. We also talked about if I had to get someone else, like if something should happen , but while I’m with him, I told him that the only thing I would do with another guy would be talk on the phone at night, like a nightfriend or something, and of course, why not, have a dancing partner if I went dancing and he wasn’t there. But I would always come home to him, no matter what.
Anyway, we took a very good nap before Cokie got home, and I dreamed so much during that nap, and then wondered if he was dreaming of me too.
Then we said Hi to Cokie when she got home, and then we went back to bed, clinging to each other tightly.
It took me hours before I could get some sleep because I just wanted to feel him cloce to me, to hear him sleep and dream, to caress his angelic hair softly with my fingertips, to kiss him, to whisper “my love” to him
To hear him breathe cloce to me and make soft little noises of pleasure while he held me tight.
Next morning he left early, but before he left, we spent a couple of hours just talking, cuddling, feeling each other’s hearts, and then the time came when I told him that “I love him more than life, more than anything”. He is so beautiful, and those few hours I have with him are the most dear to me.

Steven's Birthday

Yesterday was Steven's birthday. Cokie and I had it all pland.

She went and got the cake a day before, and some candles.

Besides it being his birthday, it was also the day I had to take that crappy Math test, so it started as a crappy day. I have been taken to the wrong place at the wrong time, and it was also very cold and rainy.
I was late for my test and got yelled at, but I made it here on time to go to my class.
I couldn't wait to come back home and be with my love, and sing happy birthday to him.
I spent about 15 minutes out in the cold, and then, when I finally got home, Steven made my day.
He warmed me up for a few minutes because I was so cold and frustrated, and then I told him that I would like for him to stay up when Cokie got home, so we did.
We hugged and kissed in bed, and I called my parents and they wished him happy birthday.
Then I put some music on and danced a little until Cokie got home.
When Cokie got home, she brought the cake, got a few candles, and we all sang "Happy Birthday" to him. We were chatting happily and talking about it being a year, that it doesn't seem like it, it seems as it was only yesterday when we met and he seemed so young and so full of energy. Now he's 31, has a job and of course, me.
Anyway, before the party was over, he wrapped his arms around me and we were slow-dancing, singing "I can't help, falling in love with you".
It was very tender and cute, and then he kissed me and went to bed.
It really felt like if it was my birthday, and I stayed out here and danced all night long until 4 in the morning.
It was wonderful.

Anyway, got to go dance before Cokie gets home.
Laters
H I L, back to being the most in love!

Bad Girl

Hi, it's me again with the freeky weekly updates, and last weekend wasn't an exception.
After Steven came on Saturday afternoon and hanging out with Cokie, she left, and we started our passionate routine. We made it longer, and slower, and got wilder and with lots of passion. It was like we were wrapped up in flames of such passionate love and desire, that I did something really bad that I shouldn't have done even though he told me to.
While he was making love to me, on top of me moving as far as he could, first slowly, then rughly enough to blow my mind with his passion twice, he told me to hold on to his neck and to ride him, so I did, and I felt like I was indeed riding my cowboy.
I was too blown off with passion, going too wild on him and didn't want to let go, didn't want him to stop, just to stay there rocking me like only he knows how.
I was going nuts on him and he was going nuts on me as well, so when we finally stopped he found out that his back was hurting, and that we shouldn't have done that, but I couldn't help it. I can't help being a bad girl when he's around, I can't help getting too excited and so turned on that I start doing crazy stuff and don't realize what I'm doing until several minutes after I have done it, I simply apologized for hurting his back and using too much of his energy just to get high on him again.
I gave him a backrub to see if that would help him, then he wanted to watch movies, so we did and of course, I put my headphones on.
After that, we did it again, and then I took a nap.
He had a hard time sleeping at night, but it felt so good just to confort him while he was holding me, giving me a dose of his sweet loven.
Then we both finally fell a sleep in the morning, just for a few hours before my alarmclock went off, (I forgot to turn it off btw).
After that, because of his back, he had a hard time going back to sleep, and, as he put it, it hurt everytime he moved or got up or whatever, so we just spent the day being lazy, and I loved just cudling with him, making sure my baby was all right.
When suddenly, I heard Cokie's door, and Ithought, "h,crap! my dad"!
Steven played it smart, and he went to the bathroom like if nothing had happened and he was just here visiting. I got dressed as quickly as I could, brushed my teeth, and went to say Hi to my dad.
I could tell he was a little upset about that, but I just kept on like if nothing happened, and played with my little sister like big sisters do so that dad could bring my dresser and other stuff to the room.
When dad asked me why I took so long I told him I just woke up, laughed, and then changed the subject.
In my mind, I thought, "I could've gotten caught in bed with my boyfriend, I'm a bad girl".
I talked to dad for a while, then Cokie called me to help her in the kitchen, and I made some juice for my little sister and I, while Cokie was making soup. Stteven was to concentrated on his laptop trying to find out how many movies he had.
I asked dad if he could stay here for lunch, but he had to work, so he left. Steven left shortly after he did, and then Cokie went to work shortly after so I stayed here and danced the evening away, and then went to bed.
That's it, more updates next week.

ACC note: College suck! just yesterday I got dropped from a math class, hope it gets better.

Two different families, one heart

Hay all, sweetheart of the year is up and running, like an out-of-control train.
It seems like my parents finalyy understood part of the secret that bound us together, this love, stronger than words, just as strong and as tender as Steven's hands.
Since he didn't come Saturday night, he came yesterday, and I asked him to stay until today to meet my dad, who came with my mom and my little sister.
When he came, we had our ritual, our little intimate fun where he, my doctor, gives me my weekly dose of "mind-blowing" medicine. After Cokie left, we made love for a few minutes and cuddled on the bed, and then we got on the computer and sat there listening to music, singing and kissing and loving each other to the rhythm of country love songs. We sang together, and then I got so excited and started dancing, but of course, he didn't know.Then he began listening to his book, but since I had to wait for Cokie to help me with my homework, I had to keep myself awake instead of falling asleep cuddling in his arms.
Cokie came almost at midnight, and he, too, helped me with my homework.
After that, we visited with Cokie in her room for about an hour, and then went to sleep.
When we woke up this morning, mom was already on her way with my dad.
I did some homework with Cokie while we waited, and then it all started, a long day.
OK, this may sound crazy, but even though my dad didn't really like Steven's looks because he has earrings, (and in Peru men usually don't), he treated him with the upmost respect and courtesy, after seeing how happy I am with him, now this is impact!
"Claudia, my daughter, she's my little treasure", dad told Steven. "Mine too", Steven replied, and then we hugged, and dad's trembling voice began to sound like he was about to cry.
My dad must have seen the love on Steven's eyes and our expression, or perhaps it was that he realised thatI have never been happier and never felt so loved in my whole life, because from then on, he treated Steven more as a friend and a future member of the family, rather than just any stranger. I bet that if it wasn't because of the language barrier, they would have talked more, I can already tell!
My ddad then asked if they could take us somewhere for lunch, and Steven suggested Whichwich, our favorite sandwich shop.
My dad and I were the most thrilled during the whole trip.
I sat in the back seat with my 2 moms and my little sister, while Steven and my dad sat on the front, so that Steven could give my dad some directions on how to get to Whichwich. Even though the language barrier kinda stood in my dad's way to get to actually know my love, they amazingly started talking, just like any civilized 2 men would. They talked about cars and driving, and even if I usually hate it when men talk about cars, this time I felt more of a relief from my nervousness of seeing this 2 men of my life face to face.
So we got us some good sandwiches, I took some time of course, on purpose, to see what Steven and my dad will get along by themselves for a moment, and then ordered me a turkey sandwich. I enjoyed both the sandwich and steven, and then dad took some pictures of us together eating our sandwiches.
Then Steven asked my parentsto drop him off at Criss Cole, so that he could study for a test, then he told me goodbye and left.
I was now with my 2 moms, my dad was still smiling at the whole thing.
During Steven's short stay in the car, I felt like if I had 2 families that when they are put together become one big family with one same heart and one same goal, which would be to build my life around the man of my dreams.
Then we went to Walmart with Cokie, and hearing my 2 moms helping me with my shopping, it got me even more excited. I have never felt so loved in all of my days.
Then Cokie got off for work and my mom bought me some clothes, and then it was my turn to show them around. My mom said she was very proud of me and then they made some phonecalls and then they left.
I'm sure that by now my whole family is talking about my dad's amazing encounter with the man of my dreams.
Solet's see how things keep going, BTW: Steven is already talking about what he would do when we get our own place, so that means he can't wait either right?

More and more in love than ever:

Claudia

Note: If mom sends me that picture I am going to put it on my profile instead of the other one, because even if that on was cute, you'll think this one will be real coolio.

My first day in college

Let me say first that if it wouldn't have been that Steven have given me such a good time last weekend, plus a very good dose of his sparkling energy, I wouldn't have endured yesterday's experience. It was worse than highschool, like if I didn't exist at all.
First I went in to register at 8:00, which meant I had to wake up much earlier than what I'm used to, and then after I registered and they gave me my schedule, I was all the more excited to go to college, especially after I met this otherr student who i also legally blind, has a laptop computer and knows his way around, I thought it was going to be fun!
It all started when I went to the classes! All I had to do was sit there while everyone else was reading handouts, and let everyone feel sorry for my damned self. Some of the students tried to help "this poor short little blind dumb girl", because according to them I couldn't do a God damned thing, they even offered me a priority seat, like if I was retarded or needed special attention.
But what was most irritating, was that they wouldn't even alow me to write or record in my digital recorder, they would just put a piece of paper, "in print", in front of me, and ask me if I could "see" the test or whatever they were working on.
And to make matters worse, they almost put me in a wheelchair seat, nah. And to make matters even majorly worse, my books probably won't be ready until next semester!, now that's a major crap!
I don't want to just sit in a God damned chair and pretend I'm not there, no wait, not only that, but I'm also going to have a "reader" and a "scribe", like if I was an aliterate! no way!
I told Cokie, if thay could only see the poems I wrote for Steven, if they would only know that I'm even working on getting them published on the web, maybe they wouldn't feel so sorry about me being blind like if it was some kind of disease!
My plan is this, if things keep going like they are, I am definitely going to give this shit up, but first I want to give it some time to see if it is really worth to try. I can't give up yet because of Steven, the only good part of my God damned life right now. Like mom used to call me when I was a little girl, I'm a zero on the corner. I was born a zero on the corner, I will die a zero on the corner. The only one who keeps me hanging on right now is Steven and this precious relationship we both enjoy.

Getting me ready to come to Houston

Hi again.

I wasn't sure if he was going to come this last weekend, but he did. He came on Saturday evening, and after we did what we usually do when he comes over, we took a short nap and then he took me to the same sandwichshop where we went a few weeks ago, and it was good!





After that, Cokie came home and then we hung out with her before we went to bed.

Because for some strange reason he couldn't go to sleep, he stayed up with me almost all night until I went to sleep. I would say that it was because his body wanted some action, because he made me make a mistake I am most ashamed for.

When he put his powerful hands "there" to "foreplay" with me, I could feel the passion with which he moved his fingers around that little thing, got too excited, and guess what?, I "Peed"!, can you believe that?

I couldn't believe it, I couldn't believe that my own body was doing that to those handsome fingers of his, and even though I tried so hard to stop it, my body betrayed me. He helped me clean up the bed, and so we unfortunately didn't make love that night, because he said it got him off the mood.

We just cuddled on the bed and listened to some music, and after the Saturday night remixes were over, I changed it to a country station.

He left at 7 that ausom Sunday morning, but of course, not without sweetly waking me up and kissing me goodbye, then I ate my extra sandwich I saved for my breakfast and got ready to come to Houston.
It was raining a lot, and you know how I hate traveling in the rain, but after all, I got a great reception from my family, because they all went to see me, to see how love have worked its way to my heart and its miracles in my life. They all know now that I am happier and healthier because love has made me that way, and I am an evident prove that love heals everything, Gosh I wish my big sister and my parents believed in love! I know that if they did, they could be happier and healthier themselves, and share my own happiness that has now become the talk of the family.
Note: I have now been received and claimed as the families most talked about sweetheart of the year.

Good again

I’m back online, as you may already know.
After all, our routine was a good one because it was hard on me when Steven couldn’t come over this weekend, though I understand that he had to study and do homework.
I know, there were times when I haven’t seen him for 2 weeks, but I was at my parents’ when this happened and we went swimming, so I didn’t really feel it that much. But now, I really did, it was like I really needed him badly.
I will describe a little about how it was those days, just what I remember, but I am so glad they are over.
He said he felt it too because he told me that he missed a day of class before coming over because he wasn’t feeling very well, but after coming over he said he felt better.
He sounded so exhausted when he came, but still held me tight and worked me out with such passion that I felt so wrapped up in him, with him on top of me blowing my mind.
I felt him all over me, on the inside and the outside of me, on in my veins, my heart, soul and body.
I could tell he missed me, especially when he cuddled with me after making love. Consumed with passion, I held him very cloce as if we were one, then ran my hands all over him as if to see if he was really here, it was like a dream.
Then he did something funny, he lay me on top of him, and then tickled me with one hand and held me with the other, so tight and strongly that no matter how much I moved, I could not escape his strong, powerful hands, nor did I want to.
I was laughing so ecstatically that he was wondering if Cokie was here, so we got up, I did it reluctantly of course, and then cuddled on the couch.
It was a very nice relief. He told me about his game, but that didn’t matter to me, but to hear his beautiful voice and to hear that he also missed me, made the wait worthwhile.
I played the ocarina that he gave me, you know, that thing that looks like a flute made out of seashell, and that has a hole that when you put it in your ear it sounds like its whispering something and I still don’t know what.
I gave it to him so that he would try to listen and tell me what it was, but he said it was just air.
“Maybe are those crazy voices in your head, he told me, but I know they’re not, and maybe some day I’ll be able to understand what it’s trying to tell me. But for now, he told me to practice it so I can play it for him, but I don’t feel very comfortable about playing it for his friends. No, I changed my mind, may be he wants to use that as a strategy to prove to that bitch of Angela that I’m not what she thinks I am, a poor damned kid, ha, I’m Steven’s girlfriend, and that should say something about me.
Well, that was about it, he was here for only 2 hours, but it felt more like 10 minutes.
We then kissed goodbye and he left me dancing the evening away.
Well, I said I was going to tell about how missing him was like, like a rare disease:
SDS: Steven Deficiency Syndrome

It all starts with stress, depression and lack of interest.
Too many days of not having him can make it worse, and lead to:
Melancholy and permanent, slow sadness
Excessive stress
Lethargy or lack of sleep
Misery
Yurning
Intense longing or feelings of missing something dear.
Heartache,
Emotionalism,
Very sensitive
At to that some weakness and the lack of spirit to keep on living.
One more day without him, and I don’t know what could’ve happened.
But I’m feeling good right now, thanks to him.
Tomorrow I’m going to find out whether I would spend the weekend here and have a Sunday morning with him, or to go see my mom and go swimming.
I’m also fixen to record another CD of him singing with that sweet charming voice of his.

Got to go
More updates next time

Sad weekend

Quick, quick, this weekend was a sad weekend, first because my baby didn't come and also because I heard a report on a magazine about my friends from TSB dancing and having a good time and that made me very, very nostalgic.
I'll write again soon, cause I'm in no mood for writing right now.

BYe

Belated posts

Ok, here are all the psts for June and july.


June 19’s Post

Back to being sparkly girl

Hello, I’m back to, you know, being the sparkly girl that I am when Steven comes with his cuteness, his passionate love and his charm and makes me so happy that Cokie calls me Sparkly Girl. That’s right, there’s those moments I get so, so happy that I feel like a sunshine, no matter what happens or where I am or what I’m doing.
After we said hi, and kissed, and all that good stuff,we came to listen to some music and he ordered me “Brinner”, (Breakfast at dinner), that’s what I called it.
Then I did something I shouldn’t have done and I’m still ashamed of it. I wanted to look nice for him but I didn’t really want him to know I was doing it, so I quietly went to the room and tried on a shirt that has a sequence of sparkly beats all around it, but to my bad luck, it was too big to fit me.
Exactly!
no wonder I don’t like being small, all the cute dresses and shirts are always too big for me, but I don’t want to talk to much about it because he said that’s one thing that made him fall in love with me, why or how?, I don’t know. Anyway, before I finished putting my other shirt on and come out to eat, he called out to tell me that dinner was here, until he realized I wasn’t there. How there you leave? He told me. I bet that made him thing I didn’t miss him, but I did, but I just wanted to look nice for him, wanted to express how sparkly I was to see him again by wearing something sparkly, knowing that he doesn’t like to dance.
I was ashamed of what I did for almost the rest of our brinner, but I enjoyed it, that is, the brinner, not what I’ve done.
Then he turned the computer off and we did what we did our routine of most weekends, listen to a book and go to sleep. If it wasn’t because of him, I would’ve said “Boooooooooring”, but he can put me to sleep so easily when he tries, especially with a good book.
That’s another question I ask myself, how can a born-nighter, dancing sparkly girl date somebody that all he wants to do is listen to a book and go to sleep earlier than 10:00?, but his cuteness is the answer. He’s so cute and so sweet and nice, not to mention handsome, tall and strong, and such a mightygood man, that with all that he can make me feel ready to do what he wants me to do and go wherever he wants me to go.
Well, he did a good job on putting me to sleep as he always does because too much cuteness is so irresistible, and because my body isn’t used to that much sleep, I woke up at midnight, put my earphones on and listened to the Saturday night club remixes on the radio, you know how much I loved to dance to those at home even though I wasn’t allowed to go to parties and all that, I would go to my room, put my headphones on and then get on the floor and shake my bootie to the music, pretending it was a dance floor. I always fancied myself going to a dance floor with a handsome sturdy boyfriend and some cool-looking outfit on. Now that I have both a handsome sturdy boyfriend and the clothes, to my bad luck, I can’t dance with him. I don’t mean the dance floor part, but he doesn’t even dance with me when we are by ourselves in the room! And when I think about it I get a bit disappointed.
Well, I finished listening to those, then I recorded some songs with the wire he bought me, and then when he asked me if I needed something and he put his arms around me, I realized that it was time for me to go back to sleep, so I reluctantly did.
We woke up early, another part of the routine that I will try to break one day in the future because I like to be unpredictable, we hung out with Cokie until about 1, then he gave me a skyride in his arms that made me shine even more, a big hug and a kiss and then we said goodbye and he left with Cokie, not before giving me this wonderful song: “when you really really love a woman”
I love that song because I can also identify what I feel when I listen to it, and by now I can identify myself with almost a billion songs and you know how much I love that, besides it being a good romantic dancing song.
Well, that was it for my weekend, but also I have to get ready because Cokie will be out for a week next week, so I’ll have this place to myself, and that means I’ll be able to do all kinds of naughty stuff, including dancing until 1:00 on Sunday, if not even later.
Well, gotta go, more update next week, Steven’s coming in Friday btw.
Laters:

Claudia, who is more and more in love than before that you can actually see it.


June 30, 2008

Run for Love

On Friday, when Steven came over I did something crazy that I probably shouldn’t have done.
Jus when I heard him knocking at the door,I tried to run to open it, and almost cracked my head open in the way.
When he came in he told me that he was going to show me something or tell me something, but I interrupted him to tell him about my head. Seriously, I hit it so hard that I started bleeding fast and I still have that big ugly thing on my forehead although I don’t think it’s filled with blood anymore.
You know how wet it feels when you sweat and put water on it to refresh yourself, … right?, that’s how wet my forehead felt, but with blood.
Steven checked it after I had to wash it off, and even though it hurt, it felt good to feel his hands gently touching my open wound, and then, before covering it with a piece of tissue, he kissed it softly and I thought, “If love heals everything, hopefully it’ll heal my head”.
Still shaking over the almost shock, we went to the room, with one hand covering the wound and with the other one holding on to him, and then we finished reading the story we were reading last weekend.
I told him that I did that because I’m not going to be here starting July 15, until maybe August, and so I have to enjoy him as much as I can these few weeks.
After the rushing blood stopped, we put a bandaid on it to keep it from getting infected.
It was ausom how he taught me how to put it on, and then we got on the computer after I was doing a little bit better. Apparently, love did start to heal me even then.
I wanted to wait for Cokie to get back home so that she could take a look at it, but we fell asleep.
Fortunately, I woke up when Cokie was still not quite asleep, to find that my head’s been leaking. He asked me if Cokie was home why don’t I ask her to check my head, so I did.
I don’t think she realized how bad it was till she took a closer look at it in the morning, then she told me that if I would have hit it just a little bit harde, I would’ve had to go get stitches.
So we just hang out the next morning and then Cokie gave him some books.
After she left for work we got on the computer and he gave me some music and we sang some songs together, it was ausom.
We left the music playing and played in the bed, and once more I felt him all over me v sweet!

Then he kept on singing and I started dancing, he didn’t know of course but I did, and even though he didn’t dance I thought it was cool.
The only thing I didn’t like is when he incredibly told me to shut up when I told him I couldn’t find something, which sometimes things like that make it hard for me to talk to him.
Other than that, if he can learn to listen to me more closely, I think we can be more than just fine.

Then it was time for him to go to dinner, so we kissed goodbye and then he left me dancing the evening away.
He said next week he would take me to the mall and buy me some cool stuff.
Got to go, I have to get ready for an important appointment today.

I’ll write soon”
Claudia

Note: These posts are late because Cokie’s online connection went down.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Wel, first of all, happy belated 4th of July all who read this post, mine was as happy as it could be, after four days with my love.
He can be a bit boring sometimes but I love him more than life.
He came here on Tuesday and, to his surprise, I was asleep, but just to here him coming woke me up. I wasn’t really ready for him yet because I’ve just finished doing laundry and the bed wasn’t made, so I stuffed the box and the covers in Cokie’s room and made the bed, and as soon as I was done I felt him out the door.
Like he said, it did me good to be half asleep because otherwise I would’ve ran out to open the door.
I still hope he didn’t mind finding me not quite awake.
He told me that I won’t do that Wednesday because we would go see our friends at the school.
After hanging out with him for a while I was already wide awake,so when he went to bed I stayed up and sang a little hoping he would hear and realize it was for him, wrote some verses, and went back home to him.
He asked if I was already tired of being on the computer, I told him “Honey, I get on the computer every day of the week, not you, so the computer can wait”.
He thought that was cute, but I’m for real, that’s how much I love him. Most everytime he’s in the room, I put my phone on silent mode to make sure that noone will interrupt me while I’m with him, then answer the messages when we are not in bed.
The thought of him also occupies most of what’s on my mind, so I forget things pretty quickly. The more in love with him I fall, the harder it is for me to remember things.
Anyway, I went to bed, listened to some music, then went to sleep.
Next day after he took me out for lunch at a very good sandwichshop,we went to see our friends, and I met some new people.
I could tell that his friends were happy to see that we’re still together, and I told them “Yes, now and always”.
“As long as she can stand me”, he said, but I said “How could I not?”, and meant it but seriously, I just can’t live without him at this point. If someone tells me to stop loving him, it’s like telling me to stop breathing, except if I can’t have him at all I would die much slowly, and way more painfully.
If a few months ago I was afraid to lose him, nowadays I don’t see myself without him at all.
His friends however think we’ll be together for a long time and be fine, and I do too, I’m even sure of it, and I mean a very loooooooooong time, with a capital L, that is, even after we die togetherness.


I almost fell asleep on the couch even though he tried to keep me awake, and when he introduced me to one of his friends’ girlfriend I was almost past out.
Then he told his friends about my head and how I almost cracked it open.
Well, when we came back I was fast asleep.
Thursday was our planned day to go to the mall and do something V nice, only if we would’ve had better luck, but it didn’t work out that well.
When he called to find out how much money he had on his bank account, he found out he only received 300 dollars, out of his monthly 500 dollar check, so he didn’t have enough money to do anything too fancy.
:I’m sorry that spoiled our day”, he told me.
“that’s Ok”, I told him, which it was because it wasn’t his fault at all, hay, at least I could have him all to myself for almost 4 days and that’s a big thing in itself, right? Especially when I made dinner for him that day, I always saw myself making dinner for him in my dream home, and now I did it, in other words, I was, like Cokie said,
“Playing home” with him to get an experience of what it would really be like to actually be home with him.
After I ate my soup, I made him a lettuce and tomato salad with lemon juice instead of dressing. He asked for some more lemonjuice, so I gave him some more. That was a big step, and it felt good too. He said he liked it, and I was so happy he enjoyed it that for a moment I felt I was already there.

So we put our thinking caps on and then he remembered I needed some clay for my project, which is a statue of him to help me feel better when I miss him, so we went to the store to buy some.
Then I started playing with it, I made some heart-shaped windchimes, a star “as symbol of happiness”, and a small ball with 2 hearts and the word “love” written in it.
I couldn’t get started on my project because I need some assistance to make it look adorable just like him, otherwise it won’t work.
He told me that I could do it by touching his face, but I’m not too good on doing faces, especially adorable and it needs to be very, very much like him if I want it to work.
After a couple of hours, I went to the couch and sat in his lap, his strong, loving arms holding me while he was still reading his book, (which was the boring part), but then I started falling asleep, and it felt so good as always when I fall asleep in his arms.
But then the damned phone rang and he led me up to answer it.
It was one of Cokie’s former students, Kailee , who I don’t really like, and I was so mad about her waking me up that I wished I I’d never answered.
Then he told me I could go to bed, and I was so disappointed, but with his loving sweetness, he put me to sleep.
I woke up at almost 2, and started working with my clay, and then I listened to some music, then came back to him.
Then he woke up and then we got on the computer to listen to some music.
Like always, I enjoyed hearing him sing some country songs with that adorable voice,and laid on the couch. He had no idea that I was recording him, but I don’t know where my brain went after that because I didn’t record what I was supposed to.

After he came from the bathroom, the computer was playing a very sweet true love’s song, I don’t know the name of it, but it goes “if they want to see what true love looks like, they should look at us”. I was completely surprised and ecstatically happy about what happened next, exactly one of the things I was going to put in my “Just in my Dreams” list, and a prove of true love.
He came up to me, put his loving hands on my back like a sweet hug, I put my arms around his hips, and we danced, danced!
That’s it, I was in heaven, dreaming, whatever you may call it, but I was completely and utterly lost in him, almost ready to beg him to keep on going. O no, it wasn’t an accident, I could tell he meant it, I could hear it on his heart and feel it in the way he slowly led me back an forth, and the way he softly caressed my hair, and especially in how I felt him myself, so I tried to show him how I blossomed for him in the dance, “A true love’s dance”.
Ok, I could spend the entire page or even 1000000 pages writing about how wonderful that dance was, but I gotta get back on duty, so after that wonderful scene we went back to the couch and sang some more until it was time for our ride to come, I scheduled our trip to the school BTW.

I was still so ecstatically happy about our true love’s dance that after I signed in and they started talking, I began dancing to some music on my recorder. The lady at the desk noticed and she asked what it was, and I told her it was the recorder. She said, no, she was dancing!”, we said nothing, just giggled, but I’m sure he knew what it was.
His friends were cooking lunch, but he knew I couldn’t eat meat, just the veggies.
Then we went outside and I almost fell asleep in the chair.
Then it was time for me to go, so he led me know and then I took a cab back home.
After finishing my chores, I stayed up and danced the night away.
That was how good it was, and my way of fun, love fun.
More updates coming up as soon as I get online.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Hi all, sorry I still don’t have online access, but that’s Ok, I probably will a few days later.

Another reason why I didn’t write about last weekend was because of that big fight we had and the shock I went into after that.
That Saturday Steven, Cokie and I went to Denny’s and then to Criss Cole, and to make matters worse I lost my recorder along the way.
I fell asleep when he was talking to his friends about cars, and you know, I hate it when men talk about cars, they get so into it!
However, that wasn’t what started it, it was when I woke up hearing an abnoxious, annoying sounding girl who referred to me as :poor Claudia:, when they mentioned that Steven was going to let me read the book of “sleeping beauty”, the princess who I sometimes identify myself with when Steven makes me feel so sparkly. It’s not the classic story of “sleeping beauty” I learned as a child, but the full book, which is an erotic story.
I couldn’t stand that girl calling me that name and feeling sorry for me because I was going to read a book for adults, and I made the mistake that I shouldn’t have done, tell Steven.
That was what started everything. By that time I haven’t even told him about the recorder, which if I had it, it would have been a great tool for me to use to ignore that girl even if she was next to me.
When I told him about the recorder, however, I think it was a little too much for him.
After telling me he was leaving because of what I told him, I cried my heart out, also because he sounded so mad and so serious, even though he said he still loved me, it just seemed hopeless.
I cried for a full night, almost as much as I cried when they kicked me out of the school, but more bitter this time, because then at least I had the confort of his shoulders to cry on, but that day, I had nothing.
Now I realized I broke one of the “rules of the Story”, by thinking that he doesn’t want to know how I feel, I will explain that later.
I spent many hours on the phone, trying to find a conforting voice to console me, but it was in vain.
He came in Monday night to give me another recorder that he’s not using at the moment, and also to help me feel better after all the madness.
Then on Tuesday afternoon I had to go home to my parents’ for Doctor’s appointments.
I didn’t come back here until Friday morning, when I was supposedly to have a class with Cristy, the lady that was to come here but didn’t.
Steven then came on Saturday and we had the weekend all to ourselves because Cokie was in Louisiana.
We didn’t do very much, but he finally gave me the book of “Sleeping Beauty”, which made me understand now what I have done wrong.
I was not supposed to say or even think that he doesn’t care about how I feel, not sometimes, not anytime.
That evening I fell asleep on him while we were listening to a movie. I asked him if that was Ok, because for me the movie can wait and I’m not so interested in movies anyway, but him, well, that can’t.
The phone rang, but I let it ring and then slept in his arms.
We were going to listen to a book but decided that we would rather listen to some music, it’s more fun and more soothing for a romantic situation.
This morning he left early, but not without entertaining me for a while with his cuteness and his handsomely charms.
After reading a few pages of that book is when I realized that I have broken one of the “rules” of how the story goes. I shouldn’t have told him anything, just let my voice show it.
I may have to even think of a suitable punishment, or something to do in return, but for now, I have to go because I have a class this afternoon.
BTW, he made me some sounds for my computer, like when I turn it off or on or put my pindrive in that are pretty ausom, I love them! I don’t think I could live without hearing his voice at this stage, so I’m glad he did it.
More of this when I get online

Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Still no internet, Cokie is pretty mad about that and I think she’s gotten behind on some stuff because this evening she was feeling pretty down.
OMC, this weekend was ausomly ausom even though we didn’t do very much. He brought his new laptop here and showed it to us when he came, and I think he’s gotten lucky because that laptop is so coolio than anything else.
He wanted me to watch a movie with him, that was the only stressful part of the whole thing, but again I fell asleep in his arms, so he put me to bed.
What was so ausom about this weekend was how he woke me up in the morning, it was a real thrill, that’s what I call a sleeping beauty’s wake-up call.
All of the sudden he lay on top of me, holding me tight, hugging me and kissing me and I felt his handsome body all over me, and all of his adorable cuteness spreading all over.
Then I heard him say “good morning”, and I woke up, I bet that’s how Sleeping Beauty woke up from her sleep when she received her wake-up kiss.
“Good morning my love”, I told him.
Then he told me he was going to leave early because he had to study, but that he wanted to spend some time with me first.
We didn’t talk much but I could tell in his “I want to tell you something” voice that he did have something to tell me, or show me, which was even better.
“OK, show you can show me”, I told him.
He showed me what he got me, but that wasn’t it.
He just stayed there with me for about 30 minutes, and even if he was listening to his book and there or enot paying that much attention as I was, I could feel myself floating in those arms of his,and letting his hands and moves tell me what he did not.
When I lay next to his heart, it seemed to have been saying: “together, forever”,almost in a singing voice. His adorable hands again spreading all over me playfully, telling me so many things that words cannot describe, like if he had his own little language just for me to understand.
I could feel our connection, like if my life was a small, smooth riverflow where he was the sea to be reached, and nothing else mattered during those 30 minutes.
I was stunned, and most of all, did he know I could hear and feel all this or not?, I didn’t know.
Thenwe kissed goodbye, he said Hi to Cokie and left.
Iwas so darn happy that day so I sang and danced the whole evening away, playing the ocarina that he gave me.
It’s like a flute, but in the shape of a seashell, and there’s a whole in the middle where the air comes in and out, that when I put it cloce to my ear it seems to it’s trying to tell me something.
Note:
Monday July 28, Peru’s Independence day mom went to a party and I felt kind of bad that I didn’t go with her, so I tried to make the best of the situation, and we made Oyuco with Chicha, Cokie liked it.
I made my own party and mom recorded me a July 28 message, I loved it, and after all of that I got very tired and went to sleep.
Well, gotta go, I have to go apply for college tomorrow and I have to be wide awake for that, hope everything turns out well.
More updates when I get online, and like we say in Peru, Chau!

Monday, August 04, 2008
Well, first let me say that the college thing turned out good and that I only need to send out some paperwork and I would be ready to go. I was very excited about that, and so were Steven and his friends.
Anyway, he invited me to his graduation last Friday, and I went in for a surprise.
First of all, I have to say that it was pretty good, I liked his speech and the party one of the former students threw out afterward, which was the part he didn’t like.
I thought he would because it was his graduation, but nope, he likes it quiet so he went to smoke outside and talk to his nurdy, geeky friends. See, that’s what I don’t understand, and the more I get to know him, the more confusing it gets. Why is it that even though we don’t nearly like the same things, I am so in love with him that sometimes, it hurts?, and it did!
Even as geeky as his friends are, they all have told him that it was great, that his speech was ausom, indeed he sounded very honest about the whole thing, but wouldn’t it be even better if he would have joined the party?, if he would have graduated with a smile on his face and danced with me? I expected there to be some excitement, perhaps he would’ve sang or something, but nope, he just said his little word, “irritating”. It seems as if lately everything has been irritating for him, even his graduation party. To help me clear off a little from this irritation, I am going to make a factsheet of what I’ve learned of his likes and dislikes so far to remind me of what to watch out for. If he turns out to be the one I will share my life with and I take him somewhere, even to Peru to see my family and friends, this irritation problem will become a big issue for both of us.
But that’s not all, it got even more jacked up when he took me to the bar with his friends. First I thought, “Hmm, a bar! How coolio”!, but I was immensely and totally wrong.
First it was the music. They were playing some kind of crappy, heavy-metal rock music that sounded more like a bunch of fighting and screaming that made my head hurt.
Second of all was the drinking. To be honest, I wouldn’t have mind the drinking if it wasn’t for that damned music that was so loud, I could almost feel my ears wanting to come out.And last, but certainly not least, I was looking like a poor damned little girl at the mercy of my Prince charming.
Its like everyone was looking at me like I was weird or like I didn’t fit in. How disappointing! And worst of all, the girl that laughed at me the other day was there, just to make matters worse.
I kept telling him to try to make it fun or something, to get nuts, but he was too distracted with those friends of his and I don’t blame him.
In the last 30 minutes I tried to make something good of it by talking to one of the girls but it was too late, I couldn’t wait for us to come home.
When we were waiting outside for a cab to come pick us up, I heard a girls party next door where they were singing and dancing and having fun, and I started dancing to the music. “You’re dancing aren’t you?”, he said, andd I told him, “That’s what I call a Real party!”. He said next time he would leave me there and then go drink, and that sounded like a really good plan.
Once we got home, the fun began.
“You wanted me to go nuts! Right?” he told me.
“Yah”, I answered him, and then I slobbed,slobbed, slobbed, he is so slobbericious even though he’s so irritable, and I keep asking in my mind, Why did you have to be so cute, why? And make my mind go blank?, why was, and still is, soto fall in love with you? And I still don’t know why.
We began to make love, he was going nuts on me and I on him, and we soon got lost in each other. It was one of my hottest nights. We made love until we grew tired and went to sleep, our routine.
We did it again in the morning, and then we sat down on the couch, and I was in his arms once again.
It is probably the first time I heard him, “It is nice”, and I don’t even know for a fact if he really felt it, or if it was only to make me feel better about last night, so I just added, “yes, it’s ausom” “sitting here with my baby”, he said, “Yes”.
I apologized for getting mad at him last night, he said “don’t apologize”.
He always blows my mind like that and then here I go again, loving him, lost in him, stuck on him. Like he told me that night, “you’d still love me even if I was a dick?”, and I told him, “it’s too late to back up now”, “you’re stuck”!, he said, so he is aware that I am, but somehow I still have a little feeling that there’s something that he doesn’t quite realize.

And now, as planned, here are the cues about Steven that I was talking about.

Steven facts


Reminder: he likes it quiet. Not too much noise, very, very quiet, enough for him to concentrate on reading his books. And when he reads, he reads!
He doesn’t like crouds or loud music, unless he’s around his friends and the music is heavy-metal or country. I like country music, in fact, nowadays, 50 percent of my favorite songs are country, but heavy-metal rock can give me a headache sometimes.
He gets irritated easily by things out of what he’s used to, especially by party people who are just trying to have fun.
4. He wants me to think of myself as being as smart as he is, or at least to not look down on myself. This will take some time and I think he’s finally beginning to realize it.
5. He’s a very smart guy, but sometimes it can get hard to love someone as smart and handsome as him. His ways are just too confusing and too hard to even try to understand.
6. When he’s around his friends, they talk a lot. When he’s around me, his hands, moves and heart talk for him in a way that I can barely get the message and the feeling they create inside of me.
7. He likes funny things, has a good sense of humor and I think I got some of it from him already.
8. I finally understand what we are missing in our relationship, and why it is important to be friends first. When I met him, I fell in love at first sight, but never took the time to explore him, to know him as a friend, to know if he likes what I like and if he wouldn’t mind changes. He just stole my heart with his ausom ways, came into my life and turned it around, and I mustn’t forget the fact that he set me free, which is the strongest reason for not giving up on him. It’s like I’ve been a child until the moment I met him and knew my love for him.
9. He has a lot of determination in him, and always gets what he wants. He doesn’t like it when someone tells him he can’t do something, because he will do it.
10. He’s very responsible with his stuff, and very organized. He knows he has to study for a test, so he’s going to bed early. Not me, I’m jovial and I like to get high on him if you know what I mean, and then stay up until after midnight with my music on.
If we learn to collide, to be one for the other and to adapt to each others needs and dreams, I believe we can make it, but it will take time. My grandmother, who this year will be her 50th year of marriage, has been a great guide on this for me and that’s what she told me about this, not to mention that I am beginning to find that out for myself.

Well, hopefully everything will work out for good, more updates when I get online.