I'm learning to use Messenger!

Hi. This is V cool! you gonna like this.
I just talked to my sister, not on the phone, but on the messenger!
I like the little sound it makes when someone sends me a message.
Earlier, my aunt Carla send me a message to, but I was kind of
sleepy and I didn't remember her for a moment. I didn't know what I
was doing, I was in some kind of a trance, but then I remembered and
tried to talk some more but then she logged off. I love it, it's V
Cool!
I just sent myself some emails on my messenger, and then I talked to
myself on messenger. Also, my sister showed me how to make a call so
that I can talk as if we were on the phone.

More hot news: My anniversary gift was small, but was the most
vbeautiful and highly valuable that I've ever received from Steven.
It's a little necklace in the shape of a key, with the head of the key
being in the shape of a heart sprinkled up with little bitty dots of
diamonds, it was ausom!
But what was more ausom was the way he gave it to me!
I got home from the show, which by the way wasn't all that exciting
enough to be mentioned, except that I got a knew jacket to cover the
straps on my dress, and took it off so I could put my PJ's on, but
then he told me: "I got you some more limonade, go put it somewhere,
quick, quick, go!"
He followed me as I went to grab the big box of powdered limonade
sitting on top of the bar, but when I tried to move it,a pretty little
gift package slipped out of the top of the container. I put the
limonade on top of the drier, but left the llittle package sitting in
the counter, thinking that it might be too pretty to be for me, then I
said, "cool".
What's cool?, he said smiling,
"I just found this pretty little thing sitting on top of my limonade,
and I thought that was cool."
"Well, bring it over here, it's yours".
I ran back to the room with the little package in my hand, and he followed me.
I opened it, and Iwas so surprised by the way it was wrapped in.
Inside the little giftback, there was a box wrapped up in silken paper
full of little bordered flowers, hearts and a bow like one of the
christmas present's wrappings. I expected to find something on the
box, but instead, I found another box that seemed to be empty. I
opened the other box and the lit covering, and iside lay a beautiful
silver necklace, well, much of the necklace couldn't be seen cause it
was covered, but the little key kept drawing my attention.
"It's beautiful", I couldn't stop saying.
He explained to me about the necklace and how he found it. Then he
put it on me, and the way his hands felt around my neck and the straps
of my dress almos mesmorized me.
"Happy Anniversary baby", he hugged me and kissed me, I was so
excited I could hardly breathe. Then he taught me how to put it on
and off, and I showed it to Cokie when she came home, and she told me:
"How wonderful!, he gave you a key to his heart!"
I wore it on Wednesday when I went to school, but noone even looked
at it, crappy people, but it didn't matter, I loved it.
I didn't even care that I didn't pass the final, it was bound to
happen, and I was relieved to get a break from it for a few weeks.
I only have to finish my last music lesson for the year, then I'm
going to Houston.

That's it for now, I'm going to explore this messenger thing a
little more, then I might go to bed.

Laters: H I L: can't wait for next year.

I messed up on "Bag of Dreams"

I messed up on "Bag of Dreams"

On Saturday afternoon, I went with Steven to an openmic night
thing. Somebody on myspace, who had a page claiming that he had a
band with the name Radio Valley sent me an invitation to sing at an
openmic thing at a little smokeshop not far from where I live.
I told Steven about it and so we went. We had to wait 2 hours
before the dude showed up with only a guitar and base player and a
microphone. I was mad, but kept the thought to myself, "That's it?,
no drums, not even a stereo?
The dudes don't even play right!"
I decided to hear them play for a while, even though I didn't feel
like it, and see if more people would show up or if it was going to
get somehow better, nothing. Steven told them some jokes to make them
laugh for a while, and then they gave me the mike and I sang "Bag of
Dreams" and "Waking Up the Neighbors".
Well, scratch that, I tried to sing "Bag of Dreams", but some other
dude was doing his thing with the guitar right in front of me while I
was trying to sing, right in front of the mike! I wanted to scream,
and to yell at him to shut the hell up, I'm trying to sing, but
instead, I acted like a moron and forgot the words right in the middle
of the song.
I was downright insulted, and worst of all, Steven noticed. "And you
thought you had stage right?", but instead of mad or laughing, for
a moment he sounded understanding. Just for a moment though.
Then it seemed as if I wasn't there because Steven got them to talk
about cars and driving. He tried to get them out of it afterwards,
but those guys when they get into something it's hard to get them off
of it. And then I sang "waking up the neighbors", when they started
trying to pllay it with the help of my recorder. They said they were
impressed with my singing, but, as I expected, they didn't have any
big position to offer me on their unformed rock band. If I had a
band, I would at least make sure that we take our work seriously and
get where we need to go play on time, even if it were in the streets.
But that's not all, yesterday was our anniversary, but we didn't
have time to do anything because I got home late from the rehearsal
for the show.
The show will be today at 7:30, but I don't think noone I know will be there.

Anyway, got to go start my busy day, tomorrow will be my last day of
school, yei! Then I have to go to Houston for Christmas to see my
familly and go to more Doctor's appointments.

Laters
H I L: Today I got to work, work, work.

My trip to Dallas and a sucky birthday

My trip to Dallas and a sucky birthday

My trip to Dallas was ausom, in part. I met Steven's family, which
was the coolest part of the whole thing, and Terry, Steven's best
friend, who I first thought was his sister,and I loved his mom.
She was the sweetest woman I've ever met, well, besides Cokie,
though Cokie kind of lost some of her sweetness months ago.
Anyway, Steven wanted to get the room, then Terry took us to eat at
Tacobell, and I got that taco sallad I like, and then I finally got to
meet his mom at her house.
His mom hugged me as soon as she saw me, which made everyone smile
and do the same.
Then we went to Steven's friend's party. It was kind of boring at
first but then I danced with his friend Terry and sang "Bag of
Dreams", and I had an OK time.
Then the next day we just went to pick up some stuff and then we spent
time with his family. I absolutely loved his mom. Even though his
sister was as cool as I wish mine was, and even though Terry said she
likes me, his mom was the only one in the family who radiated some
kind of spiritual light, as if her heart, mind and spirit were
stronger than her body, or as if she were touched by an angel. She
was the only one in his family who offered me to have dinner with me
and who wanted my email address to talk to me.
Then they all were watching TV, and I started to get bored as I
always get bored when I have to watch TV, and that's when Steven
started to change. He became madder, more angry, not just at me, but
of everything in general. He had always been mad or angry at
something, but now it's like his anger has changed. It had lost the
touch of sweetness it had before, making it harder for me to talk to
him, and to love him.. We went back and went straight to bed.
We came back to Austin on Sunday.
And this week has been a very short week because I only went to school
on Monday.
My birthday sucked, except for Steven not getting on the game, it was very sad.
My family called me, as they usually do on my birthday, and they
were asking if I was doing anything fun, but I didn't know what to
tell them. Steven got mad at me for that, and because I told him we
should at least do something different, even if it was here at home,
because it was raining all day.
"but I took you to Dallas, what else do you want?" he started to say,
and after slamming the door in my face, he began telling me that when
I go to Houston, to not bother to come back again, and a lot other
nonsense that I can't write here. I think now that he was just
being crappy, and maybe the fact that Ben, my cab driver fan, brought
me some flhem flowers and he was at the door, had something to do with
it.
Those beautiful flowers have helped me not to commit suicide as I
struggled to remain calm and leave Steven alone after the fight. I
called Ben and told him about it, and it felt good that at least
someone was there.
As I said yesterday, I celebrated my birthday after my birthday.
Steven apologyzed for the crap he have caused that sad day, but it
was too late. Nothing will be the same as it once were.
Even though I may love him for all my life, even if we might be
together for years, I can't get as close to him as I would like
because of his anger and his ability to pull me away from him if I say
something he doesn't like or do something his way. I tried to tell
him many times, and I'll do it again, that if he keeps doing that ,
it's going to destroy our relationship.
I made up for my birthday the next day, I went to my old school to see
my friends, and after that,, Brittany took me to her house and made me
3 CD's and a fruit-salad birthday cake.
I stayed with her until 3, and then I came home and listened to my
CD's and of course, danced.
I loved it!
Well that's it for now, also I want to remind anyone who is
interested that this December 8, at 7:30 pm, is my choir show at, you
wouldn't believe this, a church.
I always hated singing in church, but I'll do it anyway because that
would be my first chance, after 3 years, to get back up on stage.

Steven, my voice teacher, and maybe Brittany will come see me.

That's all for today, I'll write again next time.

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Hi, I'm back online, finally.
My computer wasn't working right, there was something wrong with the driver for my wireless card, and that started to bring up some later complications.
No one really knew why all of a sudden it stopped working, but later on it started to mess up with MS word and the printer and a few other things. I'm glad that it's working again, it's just like knew.
As I said earlier, I'm going to Dallas for Thanksgiving, Steven said he's also doing this for my birthday, I'll
be 25 can you believe that?
Anyway, I'm finally going to meet his family, especially his mom and his sister, and his best friend Terry, and we're gonna party on Friday night,and that will be ausom.
Who knows, we might even go tree climbing at his dad's farm, but I don't want to get my hopes up too much.
We might just be in a room, reading his boring books and wasting some more time, although he said Terry might take me shopping.

I wanted to stay in Dallas for my birthday, since he said I could, but I can't because I hav to go to choir practice cause we're getting ready for a concert on December 8.
That's about all of the updates for now, besides that I'm not recording this month and that I failled an audition to sing at Karniggy Hall and that the project "Bag of Dreams" was gonna be in has been postponed till May.
If things keep postponing this way as far as my music goes, I'm really thinking maybe I should just quit and let them come to me if they want to hear my crap.
But other than that everything's OK. I think I'm almost turning into a geek like Steven, all those books he wants me to read.
H I L: If I don't make it, I would regret it for the rest of my life.

"Bag of Dreams was played on the radio

“Bag of Dreams” got played on the radio on Sunday, at exactly 5:10 pm

And for now, the moment most waited for, “bag of dreams”!
Sundaywas “Bag of Dreams” day, we tuned in the station from 12 pm to 6 just to hear “bag of Dreams” play.
It was not what I expected, the signal was too weak and they didn’t say anything about me before they started playing it, they just played a couple of pop songs and then they play my song right after them.
When I realized that was my song, I pressed the record button on my recorder and ran to the room to tell Steven.
He hugged me, and even danced a little with me to the song.
Cokie called a few minutes after, and she said it was great!
Now, I don’t know what this would lead to, because they didn’t say anything about me before they played the song, but some people said they heard it on the radio.
I emailed my mom a recording of the song being played, and she loved it.

More news:
Yesterday Cokie took me to an activity from the school where she works, which also happens to be my ex school where I met her. At the school, many friends and fans have gathered to greet me and to tell me that they liked my “Bag of Dreams”. A few of them heard it on the radio, and 2 of them were lucky enough to get a copy of my CD.
I also sang “Waking up the neighbors”, and a little bit of “Get up and Dance”.
It was ausom!
I’ve also written another song called “meant to love you”, which I thought of when Steven and I were laying down together.
Well, that’s it for now, more news next week.

Attention: "Bag of Dreams" will be on the radio starting next Sunday evening!

“Bag of Dreams”, my best poem which is now my best song, is getting ready to pop on the radio starting next Sunday evening.
Yesterday I met a cab driver who used to be a DJ. We then started talking about why I was thinking about dropping out of school, and when I told him about my music and that I wanted to become a popstar, he offered me to give “bag of dreams” some airplay, and give me a break. He said he would tell his friends about me and I might even be invited to perform at a radio show for new artists.
I can’t wait until my song finally pops on the radio, I’m sure it’ll be a number 1 hit.
Don’t forget that it would start it’s airplay next Sunday evening, and hopefully it’ll stay there and pop it’s way to the charts! Go “bag of Dreams”!.
Laters H I L: getting clocer and clocer to my lifelong goal.

"Bag of Dreams" promotional news and more

“Bag of Dreams” promotional news and more

“Bag of Dreams” is now making it’s way to becoming a number one hit and will be included in a project where it will be promoted all over Texas.
A few minutes ago I’ve received a call from Lory, saying that I have been invited to participate in a project from a singer who is known all over Texas, who is making a compelation album to raise funds to help children in need. She said that the singer was looking for a very encouraging, motivational, uplifting song to include on her project, and she said “bag of Dreams” fits this criteria.
I accepted her invitation,but she also told me that before the song gets played to a broader audience I should copyright my song so nobody would steal it and say that it’s their song. I’m glad she told me this, since I’m getting ready to work on an album myself.
Right now I’m only wating to hear from her, just in case she would like to call me before getting the song on the air.
Today I also gave my cd to a cab driver, who fell in love with a song and started playing it and playing it. He said he’s gonna show the song to his friends, and I thought that was very cool.

“bag of dreams” was played and promoted at the TSB choir.
Mrs. Jane, the choir teacher, told Cokie that she was really moved by my song, so she played it at the choir class, for all the people at the TSB choir to hear. Apparently, this song was more powerful than I thought.
Many ex fans were stunned by my song and stopped by to hear it.
“Bag of dreams”’ promotional quote, which have been repeated many times by my ex fans and my new ones, was “everyone should have a “bag of dreams””. The quote is right, if everyone had a “bag of dreams”, there would be fewer, if any wars or fights, and instead of putting other people down or yelling at each other when they’re angry, they would only have to”draw from their bag of dreams” and remind themselves that the sun still shines for them.
This thought was shared by Sarah and Lory, who also clamed that “bag of dreams” promotes world-peace. That is a big thing right there, and that is precisely what my angel always wanted to do.

“Bag of Dreams” is also being promoted at OSD at the ACC, hoping it would soon stop the ACC crap.

Steven and I have found a way for me to deal with school sickness.
These days, school sickness is being very strong on me, but we found the precise time it usually strikes, so Steven’s been calling me at about 12:30 pm, 15 to 30 minutes before I would usually fall into deep sleep.

And last but not least, one of the staff members of the school told me that I had a chance to get into one of their music classes after I drop of the screenwriting class.

Well, that’s it for now, more news later.
H I L: “I’m so glad I’m finally almost on my way to stardom.

Bad News: show canceled and more

Bad news!
I will not be singing at the show at the concervatory on September 26 next Saturday. Mrs. Sue, the concervatory’s director, told me I wasn’t going to sing at the show because it was only for advanced students, and I’m a new student, unfortunately.
Well, I might be a new student to them, but I’m not exactly new in singing.
She just doesn’t know how advanced and professionall I can be.
Other news:
School sickness has been taking me over for the last 3 days.
For the last 3 days, I’ve been noticed that when I get up to go too school, I’ve been having strange feelings as if I’ve been getting sick. On Wednesday, at approximately 1:30, after calling a cab, I suddenly passed out on the couch, fell into a trance, then into profound sleep. I didn’t wake up until Steven came home, which was a little after 3.
I almost did the same on Thursday, but Steven called me 3 times and woke me up.

I will soon drop the screenwriting class I’m in:
I’m very disappointed with my screenwriting lass because all they do is watch movies. This is the second movie they’re watching, and very sick of it because it’s kind of a scary movie and it’s really boring. I’m not a movie person, I’m a hands on person, but all the time people are asking me to do exactly the opposite. What’s going on?

I do have one good news, however, I now have a new fan, my notetaker from my screenwriting class and her friend said they’ve been listening to “bag of Dreams” and singing along with it in her car, and that’s a good way to promote my song.

I alsocalled Terran and showed her my new song “waking up the Neighbors”, she almost cried and laughed at the same time, she loved it!

Well, that’s it for now, more news some time next week.

H I L: With thumbs down for now, but never giving up!

I found an easier way to write songs

Last week Steven and I have agreed that we will go to Luis’s house every Saturday starting last weekend so that his wife Terran , a very talented guitar player and composer, can help me write songs for my upcoming album.
Well, we got there, and because it was before noon on a weekend, I was very sleepy and unprepared, so I didn’t take my CD with me.
I had a pretty odd day while I was there, and Terran, too, was sleepy, so it was kinda boring.
In was almost at the end of the day when we finally came up with a way to make songs just by listening to rhythm and cords.
She has the coolest keyboard I’ve ever seen, and it’s got all the instruments, beats, sound effects, and everything in between that I need to create popsongs. I played with it for a little while, then we got together and she was playing the guitar and I was playing the drums on the keyboard. She told me to record this melody on my digital recorder, which has now become a dance song called “waking up the Neighbors”.
It’s funny how I came up with the lyrics for that song, which makes it the first song I have ever had fun writing..
At home, after Steven went to bed, I had so much fun listening to that little arrangement, that I turned the volume up and started dancing. Cokie heard me playing it and dancing to it when she was about to come home, and she told me: “turn that down a little bit, you’re gonna wake up the neighbors!”. That gave me the idea for the title of the song.
A few hours after that, after I finish trying to figure out a way to work with a song Terran herself had written for me, but didn’t sound quite appropriate, I decided to just get up and play and dance with the track again, and that’s how I came out with the lyrics. My favorite part is the chorus, where I get into a higher octive and sing “It’s so fun waking up the neighbors, with my music so loud
I wanna raise my voice and sing it, yeah, sing it all out.”
I also like the part after the chorus, where I make a little dance, snap my fingers, and sing “sing and dance all night,
Sing and dance all night,
I’m gonna sing and dance all night”.
Cokie liked the part where I said “I was born to dance and sing, yeah,
I was born to jam”.
It was such a fun song to write, that it’s been stuck in my mind for the last 3 days.

I also have another song ready to be recorded, “your offer”, which I have written for my uncle on his birthday.
I have a couple more songs I’m still working on, one of them, “don’t ever step on my dreams”, a song full of frustration, not only with OSD, but against anybody who had tried, or are still trying to keep me from making my dreams come true, and another one which I’m still not done writing.

More news: A copy of “Bag of dreams is now available for download at voice123.com, and also upon request. If you wish to have not only the coppy of the whole song, but also a video, videos are now being forwarded via email.

Last minute news: upcoming show this Saturday, September 26, at the concert hall at the Austin’s concervatory, starting at 7 pm to 9 pm. There will be other teachers and students performing, and I’ll be singing “bag of Dreams” and 2 other songs if I can. There will be food andgames, it will be fun!

I’m finallyacceptedfor theACC choir. The choir director called me on Monday to let me know that they wanted me to sing with them, and nextMonday I’ll start going to the rehearsals. I can’t wait until that crappy people at OSD watch me perform, I’ll kick their butts!

And last, but not least of all of the news for this week, 2 people have offered to help me look for work as a singer in bands, or to help me find places to go out and perform. One of them was a cab driver who knows a lead singer from a blues band, and some other young guys from a pop band, and the other one is my notetaker from my writing class, who told me that her mom used to be a singer. I hope I find work some day.

Well, gotta go take a nap while I still can,more updates next week.

H I L.

Attention!: "Bag of Dreams" has been recorded this Tuesday, September 8, 2009

“Bag of dreams” has now been released just yesterday on voice123, you can now listen to it and download a copy if you wish!

Well, what can I say, the recording of “bag of dreams” has been a success. At first I thought I wasn’t going to do it because the studio where I had to go recorded was outside of Austin, but then Lory was nice enough to come pick me up and take me there.
It’s been a good experience, going in there and listen to them playing the guitar and making the track for my song.
She introduced me to her husband, the engineer, and then I had to drink lots of water so that my throat wouldn’t get dry while I was recording.
I sang along with them for the first few minutes, and then Lory and I were talking and she was telling me about the things around me, the microphones, the lights, and the equipment they used to record my song. She took pictures of me, one when I was sitting beside her in front of the engineer’s computer, and two when I was in front of the mike, ready to record.
It was about 3 hoursbefore I actually started singing, and then I had tossing the song at least 6 times before they called me out.
She offered me some fruit for a snack and we were talking about if this is what I really want to do for the rest of my life. Then I finally got my CD’s and we were listening to “bag of dreams” on my way home. Lory told me that I should put it on the local radio station, but I don’t know how to do that yet. I think I might request an appointment with K U T, but I don’t really know if that’s possible. I was kind of disappointed because I wanted it to have some drums, but it only has 2 guitars and a base. Oh well, it sounds good regardless, I hope.

When I finished the song and came back home, they took one last picture before I came in, this time Lory’s husband took it and it was a pretty one, where Lory bent down on her knees right beside me and we had our cheeks together, appearing to be almost the same height, and we were hugging each other. She’s very sweet!
Then I came home, and Steven and Cokie were the first ones to listen to my song. Mom and my uncle followed, thanks to email. Cokie is helping me promote “bag of Dreams” at the school where she works, and at her office, mom at her workplace, and my uncle from L A was impressed with my song also.
Many people here in Austin were impressed with “Bag of dreams”, Cokie reported that one of my ex fans asked her, “That’s little Claudia?”, of course, I’m not little anymore.
Steven and I had a long talk about this, he said he’s proud of me because I’m trying to make something out of myself, that is my main reason to come back to pop music.
He and I talked and had fun yesterday, playing with my keyboard and singing to the songs we knew. I showed him a little bit about how I came up with the melody for “bag of dreams”, and he loved it!
We agreed that he was going to help me record the rest of my CD by the end of November, if by that time I have more than 7 or 8 songs written and ready to record, so keep up with the latest updates to make sure you don’t stay behind.
Currently, I have another song almost ready to record, 2 songs completely written that I have to find the melody for, and 3 songs that I’m still writing, one of them which I am doing with Luis’s wife which is called “Evil Boys”.
So I’ll be working on this while I still have the chance, hopefully I’ll have them ready by then.

Well, that’s all for now, more updates soon.

H I L: Will “Bag of Dreams” be my stairway to success?

I auditioned for the school's Choir!

Today, as I was leaving a class, I sat down on a bench and right at a corner, I heard people talking and a piano playing.I listened carefully to a girl talking about auditioning for the choir, and before she went in, I got up and I asked if I could audition too.
I waited for her to finish her turn, and while I was waiting I talked to one of the registered singers, and he told me that they also have a commercial music department where they can help me record the rest of my CD. Of course, I told him the news about "Bag of Dreams" soon to be recorded, but the only problem would be if I have to take a class for the commercial music department, or if I could just go in and get into the studio. I have to find the person who works there, and if I have to take a class,I might not be able to get in there because of OSD.
But it's a good thing that I won't have to sing at the bus-stop just to get noticed, I'll be able to sing on stage again! yei!
Last minute news: I'm starting to write a new song called "Jamming on and on", and so far, I think it's going very well. It's about getting out of school and how I want to spend the rest of my life.

Well, that's all for now, more updates later.
H I L, the old dreams never die!

"Bag of dreams" will not be recorded until next Tuesday

Bag of dreams is already more than 2 weeks late, and it's been changed to be recorded next Tuesday instead of this Tuesday. People are already starting to call or email and ask when is "Bag of dreams" coming out?
Well, whenever it does, it's not up to me, but the people of the studio to decide when we can all get together to record the song.
So if you're waiting on "bag of dreams", I'm so sorry they keep changing the date.
Well, since I'm back to school but don't wanna leave my music behind, today I started singing at the corner where the waterfall was. Only 2 girls stopped by and told me I sing really nice.
I'm also going to that coffeeshop this Wednesday to perform after school, a small place I suppose, but it will give me good exposure to other musicians, and hopefully I'll get a band that way.
I'm also starting another song, "Jamming on and on", I think it's gonna be really cool.

ACC news: they already gave me some of the notes, and they are already making plans to help me with math with the braille notes. Those people and my mom don't understand that no matter what they do to maki me pass school, especially math, doesn't click in my head, I'm not made to pass a boring class, but to make music!

Well, gotta go now, laters
H I L

I won't let the ACC crap to keep me from working on my dream

I won’t let the ACC crap stop me from working on my dream

As you may already know, I’m back to school again, back to that old, useless, normal life where I can make no progress.
School started crappy, as always, I just found out that I'm going to have a notetaker instead of a reader, What, they think I can't write? I found out that I won't even be allowed to speak in class except to the notetaker, make noise, move around, nothing. All I have to do is sit down and do nothing, and that really gets on me. The notetaker also told me that she wanted to wait for my ride with me at the bus-stop, so I won't even be allowed to sing or play at the bus-stop, except for her. She's really creepy, but I still can't wait to be able to show her the CD of "Bag of Dreams" when it's done so that she knows who I am.
I also know that I'll have 2 math classes, so people laugh at me because I don't like math.
But even though last week it did get me a little behind in my music stuff and in getting ready to record “Bag of dreams”, I didn’t let the ACC crap get me down, and kept on calling Lori at the studio to find out when they’re going to be available to record the song, and finally she said that maybe on Tuesday. The song’s a little bit late so it might make it harder to promote, but mom already let her friends know about the track, and Cokie told Mrs. Jane about it too. I might have to go see her after the song is done to give her a coppy so that she can help promote the song at the school.
Last Wednesday, I also called Kickbut coffee, a coffeeshop downtown where they do open-mike nights, and they told me to go over there on Wednesday to sign up for audition to see if maybe someone would let me sing in their band. But that’s gonna take a whole lot of work, and maybe I’ll have to do many concerts with the help of a CD before I can find a band.

Also, Steven and I are still doing great. We find time for the both of us at night before he goes to bed, and that’s also what keeps me holding on strong, that “bag of Dreams” he continuss to build deep within me.
That’s all the updates for now, More of this next week, hopefully I’ll have “Bag of Dreams” done.
Laters
H I l

Song "Bag of Dreams" is popping its way to the top

Song “Bag of Dreams” is popping its way to the top
Today’s been my first scheduled rehearsal for “Bag of Dreams”, and it came out better than planned. Lory, the lady from the studio, and a musician from her band, came here bringing a guitar to practice the song, and it came out just beautiful. I sang the song for them a few times, but since he’s an excellent musician, apparently, he was able to pick the cords up pretty quick.
There were a few modifications and adjustments that we have made for the song, but it was as if the song was speaking up for itself.
The song kept it’s upbeat pop sound,while still being a very sweet, touchy song.
I disagreed with adding an extra part to the chorus, but the way the song went with that and a few other little changes was just swimmingly.
Tomorrow Lory will call to set up a time when we can meet at the studio to add a few more things such as a beet of drumtrack and a better sound, and then we will finally record it, as it is going so well.
When we were done, I showed the demo to my mom, my uncle, and Cokie, and they all said it sounds great, so I guess it does, but I know this song will most likely help me get there.
Cokie just told me a few minutes ago that as it is, it sounds like a number 1 hit!
Well, gotta go show it to Steven and then tomorrow I’m going to wait for Lory to call so we can set up a time to work on this song.
Laters:
The future popstar! Would “Bag of Dreams really get me there?

Disaster and Chaos

Disaster and chaos

I am in a secret rage right now!, yet I am calm.
Well, I went to Flugerville this morning, supposedly to audition, but as soon as I got there, a lady came out of a bar saying that they weren’t open yet, and that they weren’t hiring anymore. I guess that meant that they were auditioning when the announcement came on the web, but either they’ve already found the person they were looking for, or the website had the wrong address. That is really sad, more than $70 down the drain. The driver felt sorry for me and told me that his wife can look that up on the web and maybe she might be able to find me a job. How ridiculous!
I am trying to pursue my dream of becoming an artist, and all I get is people feeling sorry for me? No way! I’m not quitting again!
This Saturday, the piano player will come over to practice the songs, hopefully after him and Lory hear me sing, I may have a better chance of at least beginning to get into the field.
Please pray for me!
Thanks. H I L, hopelessly unemployed?, no! I want to make a difference and make something good out of myself!

Invitation to help promote my music

Do you like my music?
Click the link below and let me know if you like what you hear!
http://www.jango.com/music/Claudia+Porras
You could help me get my music on the radio!

For Michael Jackson. Make August 29th Michael Jackson Day Worldwide!

Make August 29th Michael Jackson Day Worldwide!

Song “Bag of Dreams” will not be released until September 13 or later
The song “Bag of Dreams”, which was supposed to be released sometime this week, has been postponed until sometime in mid September. The lady from the studio had called this afternoon, and she said that they couldn’t do it this week. She said she was going to call a piano player and they’re coming here this Saturday to work on the song, and then the piano player would go to the studio and record the track for me, so when I go to the studio all I’d have to do is sing it. I was a little disappointed about that because she first told me that they would add some drum track to make it have kind of a pop rhythm, since that’s what I planned from the beginning when I recorded the song on my recorder with my keyboard, but I’ll sit here and show her and the piano player that they’re working with real talent here, and I don’t want my voice to go to waste like it has been for most of my life.
And speaking of talent, I just sang the song for her over the phone for her today, and she said “wow!” just “wow!”, nothing else. I bet that when she hears it with me in person, not only will she say wow, but also find a way to stop the waste and actually start something and move my music forward.
I’m trying to make sure I start working on this before school starts, but they just said they couldn’t do it that way.
I am anxious for them to come and know the actual me and my aspirations toward music.
I also found out that Steven, the love of my life, has actually decided to pay the whole monthly fee for my lessons. He’s just talked to the people at the concervatory, and they’ve agreed that he would pay for the fee as long as both the teacher and I show up for the lesson, at the appointed time. He told them a little bit about me and my music, he clearly statedthat I was very musically talent, and that I can certainly do music work very well. Steven’s also told me that when I become a star, he wants to see the real me, the real star!
That is what I’ve lost, and that is what I’m trying to get back!
With this said, my music is still on hold, but not for long.
This Thursday, when I go to audition at Flugerville, I want to show everyone over there who Claudia Porras is! I’ll start making the CD’s tomorrow so I’ll have them ready on Thursday.
Please cross your fingers for me, who knows, maybe one of those bands will accept me to sing with them!

Hopeful Claudia: The singing canary: With my honey right by my side,nobody can turn me away now.

Important note: Bag of Dreams will be promoted in this blog via voice123, and will also be in jango.com as well as other online music-promoting sites.

Yeah, you heard right, “bag of Dreams”, the best poem I’ve ever written, has now become a song and it’s just about to be recorded sometime next week. Here’s how and why my semifinalist poem “Bag of Dreams” became my new song, soon to be released.

Last Sunday, I asked Steven if he could help me write a song. Of course, he knows nothing about writing poems, led alone songs, but he had the will to help. Then he told me: “Songs are poetry!, why don’t you pick up one of your poems and turn it into a song. “That’s right”, I thought, the problem is not that I don’t have songs written, is that I can’t find music for my poems.
“how about “Bag of Dreams”?”
“Bag of Dreams” was the poem I remember the most of all my poems and I thought that since it was a good poem, it should make a good song!
Steven helped me a little with the tune and the beginning of the melody, and gave me ideas on how to create the rest of the melody and rhythm. Also, my first song “Cokie”, and the Michael Jackson song “Music and Me”, have been of great inspiration and influence to the musical part of “Bag of Dreams”.
However, I have not worked much on the song by then, and I thought it my take a long time to compose it.
I’ve talk to my teacher on Monday after my voice lesson while I was waiting for my ride to come pick me up, and asked her about songwriting, she said she doesn’t write songs, but then she asked me if I have written a song or if I’m working on one, and I told her that I was working on a song and that I already have another one recorded.
She gave me a phone number of a lady that works on a studio, and told me to call her and talk to her. I told her “Thank you” and also that I’ve already learned the song she gave me, and that I was ready for another one. She was so amazed by my willingness to work, that she kept saying that she’ll help me make it happen.
My ride came after 15 minutes after class, so I paid for my lesson and came home.
Tuesday I called the number and asked her about her studio, and she gave me an appointment on Thursday to show me around. She also asked me if I have written a song that needs to be recorded. I said I didn’t have one ready butI was working on one.
I then set to work on Bag OF Dreams at once.
Well, I went to the studio on Thursday, but while I was on my way there she called back and told me she wasn’t gonna be there so I had to call a cab home. When I was on the phone with her, I asked if I could just wait until she was back, and she told me that was not appropriate at a studio and that I had to call back some other time to make another appointment. I thought that was really crappy, but the good part about it is that I had the chance to leave my demo CD at a corner of the big gate before my cab came to bring me home.
About an hour later, she called me back, asked me some questions, wrote down my information, and offered me the chance to record my song at her studio for free. She even told me she’s going to find some musicians to play for me. So far, she projected that the song would include some piano, a little guitar, a set of drums, and possibly a touch of violin! “Wow!”, I thought and told her “thank you!”.
I am pretty sure that even a simpler arrangement that would be enough for the song because of my voice, and the way the song is set up. She told me to have the song ready by Tuesday, and then to give her a call to schedule an appointment to rehearse an record the song.
It might take some time for her to get the musicians together and have them ready for the song, but at least its ready.
After talking to her, I called my mom and told her the news. She was happy for me. Then I kept working on “Bag of Dreams”, until I had the melody and rhythm made up and arranged to go with the lyrics. I don’t know how I did it, but I realized that I didn’t have too much time to make it very complex, so I tried to make it simple.
On Friday, while Cokie went on a fieldtrip for the weekend, I sat at my keyboard all day long working on the song, took a couple of hours break, and then added the final touches.
Steven came home a little later than usual, so I managed to finish the song before he came home, which, by the way he reacted, I could tell that it’s been a great surprise for him.
Right after I finished the song and recorded some cover songs, I broke into a dance.
I also called everyone totell them about the new song, and kept dancing and singing until Steven came home.
I finally told him about the song, and he said he wanted to hear it so I sang it for him, and he got down on his knees, clapped for me, and his tone of voice changed, and then he finally stood up and gave me a big hug saying: “That’s Beautiful!”. He seemed to be on the vurge of crying, but of course, he didn’t really cry.
Then we went to the room, and it really surprised me that all he wanted to do was to cuddle close to me, he didn’t even play his game.
He was just acting so cute, kissing me over and over again, hugging me, holding me tight, telling me that I have a beautiful voice, though I don’t know if he really believes that I’ll some day become a professional artist. But what I do know is that he was really excited with my song, and I really hope it becomes a success.
I also hope that, after hearing my song, the musicians and producers might want to help me get a label or record my first professional CD.
My mom called me today and she said she loved how happy my voice sounds in the song, and she believes that it might help me catch the attention of the people at the studio and convince them that they are dealing with real talent. She added: “You were really born for it, I’m sorry I didn’t realize that before”.

More news: Upcoming concert in Flugerville near Austin coming up next Thursday at 8 A M.
Songwriter from a band is hosting an audition for a lead singer position every Thursday. I would only sing three songs there, Cokie, Bag Of Dreams, and I Hope You dance. What a perfect way to promote my songs, than with an audition concert.
Note: If I can’t make it there this Thursday, I would definitely be there next Thursday.

Fund-raising collaborations: Family and relatives have decided to help me with my upcoming projects by sending money and spreading the word to others about my music. I’m planning on saving most of the money for my trip to L A after school. If I have enough money to buy a ticket, I’m planning on going right after school before I go to Houston. This time, I won’t let my mom stop me from chasing my dreams.
I’m going to school the week after next, so I’ll try to get done with these starting projects before I go to school.
I understand that after these projects are done, I might have even more work later on, but Luckily, all my classes are gonna be in the afternoon, so that way I can have the mornings to do music work. Then next week I’m going to have to move my voice lessons to Fridays because Fridays will stil be my no-school days, though maybe I won’t sleep as much this year, who knows.

Well, that’s all for now, more news next week, I’m taking a break now because next week I will have a lot of work to do.
Laters: H I L the dream chaser.

Our love is still strong

Our love is still strong

If I'm a little behind is because I had not internet all weekend
long, something was wrong with the connection.
This weekend, as simple as it may have been, is in a way, a spark of
our love, and a moment for Steven to show his love for me more than he
did since I almost dumped him. Those three months had apparently made
the fire of our love grow fonder, and made my prince charming even
more charming than ever, at the security that I won't leave him again.
Since I had nothing to do on Friday, I slept all day, as I do most Fridays.
When Steven came home he got on the game most of the day, and then
he put his book on at night as usual so I slept part of the night in
Cokie's room till she got home, then I went outside to practice my
song, then I sang and danced til Steven came out and brought me to to
the room.
He put me to sleep with his charms as he usually does, and then on
Saturday, we stayed up all day and had fun.
We were listening to music on you-tube, and we were singing to each
other at the same time. He almost didn't play his game that day,
instead we were saying little things to each other,and in the evening,
we went to whichwich for dinner.
Then we came back and we explored that website where we were
listening to funny messages.
I sang him a couple more songs and then he started watching a movie,
but that was all right because we had a lot of fun together.
Then Cokie came home and they were talking about a book, so I went
to her room to sleep until she went to bed, then I went outside and
sang and danced till 8 in the morning, when I went back to bed and let
Steven do his thing and put me to sleep till almost 5 in the
afternoon. We didn't do much since then, but we had an ausom weekend
together overall.
He had his headphones on while I slept that day and he tried so hard
not to wake me up with the game, and from time to time I could feel
his hand tenderly stroking my hair or rubbing my back, as if to say, I
love you.
Then I got up, ate my sandwich that I brought from Whichwich and
then started singing and dancing again until 4. Then something cool
happened, I came to the room to get my charger for my laptop because I
found out that my internet connection was working again, and
mysteriously Steven woke up, checked his clock, then suddenly turned
his book off, as if saying, "come here", then he turned around. "my
cutie", I thought, then left the charger in the living room and came
to his arms in a rush.
He held me tight and put me to sleep almost like a baby. It just
feels so right to be in his arms again, to be with him in here and to
feel him so cloce, that when I'm with him, I just forget everything
almost like I used to do during our first year.
I wake up this morning, realizing that, while my music is almost on
the nowhere, Steven's love is strong enough to keep me hanging on and
keep trying.

News: Cristy, my vocational teacher, saw in the results of a
vocational training program that indeed I was born to be a singer. I
have all the qualifications, all the requirements and prerequisits,
etc, but none of the opportunities. I recorded some new songs and
kept working on them throughout the week, but my uncle still doesn't
want me to do this, he insists that I should start composing my own
songs.

Nothing else new for now, I'll write soon,
H I L. While my music is almost down the drain, Steven and I are
sparkling once again, and leaving the odd times behind!

It’s not that Steven and I have money problems, in fact, him and I are doing just wonderful. But now that I have to save money because of my music, well it’s being a little hard for me.
Recently I found out that for the singing lessons, I have to pay $30 for each lesson, not per month like I thought.
I went and talked to the director of the school to see if they could find a way to help me financially, but they told me they couldn’t do that. I called my mom to tell her what happened, and she told me to ask them if I could only go twice a month and just pay half of the monthly fee, but I didn’t know if I could do that.
I told Steven about it, and he told me: “no, you’re going every week”. “But why?” ai asked him.
“because I’ll help you pay for it.” I told him “thank you”, and he added: “only if you succeed, and I want you to succeed!”
“Thanks”, I told him, smiling. “you don’t know how much this means to me”.
I called my mom back and told her about what Steven told me, and she said, “congratulations. Tell him I said thank you”.
It seems like she feels bad because she tried so hard to keep me away from chasing my dream of becoming a singer, but I’m still glad she and Steven are going to help me to pay for tuition.
Also, I had to cancel my subscription from the talent webside because of the fact that I don’t have enough money to stay there. I need to find a way to make my own funds, but I don’t know what that is yet.
Today I went to Cristy’s office and she helped me complete my resume, maybe I’ll find a job somewhere.

More news: My music is still on hold. I'm trying to find ways to create my own songs, but it just seems like I'm never gonna get there.

Well, gotta go now before Steven goes to work.
Laters

H I L

I'm back

Mom finally agreed to support me with singing lessons

Two days ago, after watching the winner of an audition on TV, mom
finally decided to talk to me about getting into singing lessons.
The Idea of the CD may not have gotten me as far as I thought it
would, or even a big standout between my family and friends as "Cokie"
did, but it was an evidence to prove to my family, especially my mom
about my singing abilities, and a way to let her know that indeed this
is what I was born to do for a lifetime. It has taken her all this
time to finally realize that and be more supportive, that it left me
thinking, I wish I would have done this before.
when she came back home, after listening to the CD in the car, she
first told me to ask my choir teacher to ask her if she knew of a
place where I could take singing lessons.
Yesterday, when we were at my doctor's appointment, we agreed that I
was going to take singing lessons in Austin toget me ready for
audition.
I can't believe my mom is finally supporting me on this, she even
told me that she was going to ask a friend of hers who is a Peruvian
music singer, on how she finally made it into the music industry.
Now the most crucial thing would be, of course, money!
I don't know why, but almost everything about music, such as singing
lessons, contests, auditions and travel arrangements, costs a lot of
money.
I'm also going to have to tell my friends and ex fans that I'm back
into singing, and that's going to take a lot of time and effort, but
maybe whenthey hear "I hope you dance", they might be more convince.
Well, that's all for now, I have to do so more research and this
kind of research is a lot of work, and then I'm going to tell mom if I
find a music school where I can get started with my lessons.
More updates on this and more
later
H I L, The Singing canary!
If I do become a famous singer some day, I will also feel better
about myself cause I like it when people like what I do.

My demos in Voice123 - The Voice Over Marketplace

Attention!, I have posted some demos in Voice 123 and now you can find them by searching for my name in Google or Yahoo!
You can easily find my demos by clicking the link below.


Voice123 - The Voice Over Marketplace - Voice Overs, Voice Actors, and Talents

Shared via AddThis

Frustrating work

I had to come back to Houston for a couple more doctor's appointments.
It was a very busy and tiring day that Monday, I had to get up
early and deal with that ACC crap, and worst of all, I didn't have my
parents picking me up as they said they were going to so I had to just
hurry up and get ready to get on the bus.
It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be, however, that OSD
thing, they finally gave me that writing class I asked for and almost
begged for last semester, but I was a little disappointed because they
didn't give me that music class that my uncle told me to ask for.
As soon as I got home, I got ready to come to Houston. I had to bring
my laptop because I had my schedule emailed to me, and also because I
had lots of work to do regarding my music. The page where I submitted
my songs has beenrejectingmy demos, my uncle asked me to record more
songs, and I was also starting to work on finding out about singing
opportunities and auditions in Austin, almost like I did when I was
planning on becoming a pop star, such frustrating work.
For the last 4 days I've been recording almost 3 or 4 songs a day,
and only 2 of my songs stayed on the site.
The song "I hope you dance" has become a hit, however, as many people
around the family and friends talk about it. Well, maybe not as big
of a hit as "Cokie" did, the song I composed and recorded during my
popstar times. I had a larger fanbase back then and better contacts
than I do now. Besides, I was more eager and decided, I had a plan.
Now it was as if when my uncle was trying to lift me up when he
asked me to record "I hope you dance", I was so hopeless that the only
thing I would do is sleep and eat and wait for my life to end while I
was still praying for Steven to take me back. Maybe that's why.
Anyway, I am glad I brought this computer here.
I went to my appointment the next day with mom, and in the waiting
room I made a big mistake by telling her that the reason why my uncle
wanted me to go see him was because he offered to help me with my
singing. From that day on mom went into a rage every time I mentioned
something about singing outside the house. She doesn't mind me
singing, but is definitely reluctant to help me travel to California
so that my uncle can take me to audition.
I'm trying to make it so that my uncle can talk to her, preferably
before I go back to Austin, but mom refuses to call him whatsoever.
Two days ago my grandma from peru called me and talked to me,
telling me of how she heard the songs and that she liked them. She
told someone else that she would like a CD with the recorded tunes,
and just yesterday I finished recording the CD. I was supposed to
make 4 or 5 copies, but only 2 CD's worked, the 3 left were not
recording, and I didn't have anymore CD's. Just a few minutes ago, I
found out that one of the CD's I recorded had only 5 songs, out of the
16 songs I recorded, I didn't know what to do. When they were about
to leave, my sister found me a blank CD, thank God it worked.
As far as auditions in Austin, I only found 1 place willing to post
their address to the website where I was searching. It's in
Flugerville, just 7 minutes from Austin, but STS doesn't go there. I
called the cab and asked what the cabfair was from the apartment to
the address on the site, 38 dollars to get there and 38 more back,
that's more than $60 total, and I still have to save money for my trip
to California. How frustrating!
Well, gotta go now, I'm really tired because I spent almost half the
night recording the CD and making copies, so as soon as I finish this
post I'm going to bed. That's the good thing about this, no one
tells me when to do the work as long as I have it done, and then I can
sleep in the morning.
Laters
H I L, am I going to make it this time?

Back Home

I came home on Thursday evening, right after a doctor's appointment.
The first thing that crossed my mind when I arrived was Steven, ifhe
would take me back or not,and if he did how would he, etc. I prayed
"please let him take me back and give me one more chance". I got home
and the door was locked, I said "oh, no, he might not take me back".
I knocked and knocked, and then Steven came and open the door. Then
silence, game. I put my stuff up, and then went to the bed, but
nothing. More prayers. "What's going on?" I thought. Then he told me
he missed me, "good" I thought, "at least he missed me, there's
hope". He played his game for a few more minutes, then he shut his
computer down and asked: "where are you going to sleep tonight?" I
tried so hard not to sound nervous, but my tears slowly revealed
themselves. "I don't know, I thought that perhaps I should sleep in
the couch maybe, it depends." "on what?", he asked, "if you make up
your mind", I told him.
He thought for a moment, then he laughed softly to himself, then
he said: "I can almost hear your thoughts, Oh God, please let him
take me back!, isn't that what you were thinking?" , "how do you
know?"?", "experience", he said. "not if you don't want to. I
can't make you take me back". Then he explained how he went through
the same thing at one time in his life. More praying, but this time,
silence, quiet, not a voice to be heard. "do you want to come
outside with me?, he asked, "I think you told me that I was not
allowed to come outside with you because I wasn't your girlfriend
anymore", "yah, right, you're not my girlfriend anymore, come on!,
let's go outside". I followed him to the porch, then sat down, deep
in thought, as he smoked. Then I got up from my seat, and with my
head up as if looking out at the balcony, I thought that if he doesn't
take me back I was going to tell my parents that I would go with them
and stay in Houston.
Then we went back inside, and we talked about what happened, and
about what I've done. It was almost as if he was trying to make sure
that I realized what I did to him, and I told him that I did, he
said, "are you sure?, "yes I told him". "I want you to be very
sure", he said, as we lay in the bed together, this time he was
holding my hands in his. It was a crucial moment for me, I was
struggling not to cry as he slowly sat next to him, then leaned
forward and kissed me, just like he did for the first time. "don't
cry", he said softly, "I still love you." Then he suddenly started
tickling me, and I was laughing and crying at the same time. It was
as if I was offering myself to him, pleading without saying a word
that he doesn't change his mind, but relaxed that this time he knew
what was on my mind. He hugged me, sweetly, tenderly, just like he
used to do,and then he lay close to me. "you know, Cokie asked me a
couple of weeks ago if I would take you back?", I smiled at him
weakly, "really?, what did you say?", he chuckled,"that I would, as
long as I don't find a short sighted chick who can drive a nice car."
"and did you?" I asked, "No. I found some pretty ones but they
weren't for me". I just listened. "You are not sleeping in the
couch, you are not going anywhere, you're staying right here with me.
And you no what, masturbation's getting old", I know", I told him.
"how?" he asked, "it's getting old for me too". He didn't need to
asked if I was coming to bed with him, he already knew, and slowly he
pulled me closer to him and began to take off my clothes and kiss me
all over, as if he were exploring every corner of my body. He knew
what was on my mind, and it was time I gave myself to him, so I
curled up like a little bowl in his hands, and let him take me. It
was a very intimate, very emotional time as he, by kissing me, hugging
me and making love to me, healed the scars that this other dude left
when he broke my heart, and rebuilded that bag of dreams I have
broken. I made love to him, riding on him as I used to, but for some
reason I could not really do it like I used to, it's been so long.
Then I lay under him and he finished off what he started, I was
exhausted, out of breath, and hot as if the sun were shining straight
at me. I asked him to give me some water because I was choking in my
own air. When he came back and after I drank almost the whole bottle,
I lay in his arms and listened to him. "Do you really don't mind me
being boring?" "I rather stand you being boring,than put up with
being lied to", I answered. "not a nice position to be in, is it?" I
didn't answer, but I think hecouldfeel how angry I was whenthis dude,
I don't even want to say his name, told me about her. "don't worry, I
was expecting it. I Love you", he said over andover, and then put his
book on for a while as I collapsed in his arms and drifted off to
sleep.
Then I woke up early the next day to go register at ACC. A bad
experience. It was almost an hour before someone from counseling
called me and told me that I had 3 holds, one from counseling, one for
Math, and one for OSD. I went to the counselor, but all she told me
was to go to OSD. Same thing with the math. I was expecting that,
they have been doing that with me all year long last year.
I also told the counselor to help me request some career assessment
because I told them that I was about to change my plan to either music
or writing, and they told me I needed some kind of permission to take
those classes. I still have to wait till Monday because I also have a
machine I have to return, and then I'm going to look on what I need to
do to get there stupid permission. What these people don't know is
that there fucken permission means nothing to me compared with the
fact that I am only trying to get singing lessons because I will go to
California at the end of the year to audition for Holliwood, weather I
have their ermision or not. I don't think I'll be very upset if I
don't make it, t would just mean that I would come back home to Steven
and my writing as I told him once, when he was joking about me making
it big in 10 years and meeting some "Justin Timberlake to marry". "Ah
Ah", I told him, "I promiced myself that I wouldn't do that anymore",
"do what?" "Leave you for somebody else, I don'twant that to happen
again." "you never know what the future holds", he told me. "You
know what?, if I do make it to Holliwood I would take you with me".
"oh no, I don't like California", he told me. He explained to me
that people are not allowed to smoke there, unless they were at home.
"then I'll come visit you." "we'll see", that's all he said.

This evening, after he finished playing his game, he showed me all
the music he got from my computer, and we were singing: "you are my
angel", and "hero", 2 of the songs I sang for himduring our first 2
months toghther. It was fun.

Well, gotta go,I have to wake up early on Monday because I have to
go to ACC again, then mom's going to comepick me up and take me to
Houston for some other doctors appointments, then I might stay in
Houston to spen July 28 there, or I might come back before that, as he
said, we'll see.

Laters
H I L,dashing forward to the future.

An Old dream came back to life

An Old dream came back to life

After I spent at least a whole month wishing I could get everything
over with, my uncle Cesar, who lives in California, called me up and
told me that there was a song he wanted to hear me sing. For a moment
I thought he was crazy. "I don't really sing anymore", I thought, but
didn't say anything, "I just sing as a hobby". But then it occurred
to me that he was trying to gigive me an opportunity. A few days
passed, but I didn't get the song. I tried to look it up on you-tube,
but I couldn't find it.
I called him up, but still, nothing. Then he called me with the song
in hand, and after letting me hear it, he told me to look it up on
you-tube and to sing it and record it for him. "It's so beautiful!",
I said as I heard it and began smiling. I was stunned for a moment,
he's watedall this time to tell me he wanted to help me with my
singing, and evenat the time I wanted to be a popstar he acted asif it
weremy fault I couldn't get to the top, never saying anything like,
"just send me the song and I'll show it around". But now, when he
told me those exact, same words, I set to work at once, reviewed the
song, recorded the song with my voice and sent it to him by email.
This took only a few days, but even though at first it felt as if it
was hard work, then it felt so familiar to me, recording the song.
It's been years since I've sang and recorded a song for anybody, and
if I did record a song, I would delete it, or put it on a CD and then
threw it away at the bus-stop.
But this was different.
When he got the song, he suggested that I immediately lookefor a
page in which to upload it as a demo.
I remembered subscribing to one such page during my popstar years,
but because I wasn't able to get any of my music in mp3 at the time, I
couldn't upload any demos. It was hard work, updating my account in
the page, in addition to looking for other similar pages in google,
but just yesterday I managed to upload the demo. In fact, I uploaded
2 demos, "I hope you dance", which is the song he gave me, and "More
than words", a song I learned to play on my ocarina, but also managed
to learn the lyrics for it.
I'm doing well, so far, except that I feel weird because on Sunday I
got bit by a bee on my right foot, and today as I went swimming with
my little sister, I bent one of my left toes. My right toe is swollen
and it was leaking earlier, and the toe I bent still hurts a little,
but other than that I'm Ok.
As far as Steven goes, I still have a chance with him, but he hasn't
really told me that he's forgiven me yet, he says there's not much to
forgive, I think maybe he's just waiting for me to get home to give me
a definite answer, so I'm not too worried about it for now, I have
greater things to worry about, such as my next demos and how am I
going to get to California, and if I do make it to Holliwood next
year, am I going to have to stay there or would I be able to come back
to Texas?
Well, I don't know yet, but I sure hope that this time, nothing or
no one tries to stop me from chasing that very old dream that's come
back to live once again.
Note: I've always wanted to be a singer, ever since I was a little
girl. I remember running out of a boring class, down to the music
room, and how everyone applauded me after a performance, weather it
was a choir performance, or just singing by myself, a solo.
I just hope that now, there's no stoppings, weather because of
health, or my family, or anything.

More updates later
H I L. Or should I say, the singing canary? That's my casting name
for my new page, God bless the internet!

Thinking about going back together

Since Thursday evening I’ve been having a hard time thinking,talking to others, going out, and even my patience and sleep seem to be affected by my broken heart. I can fake a smile for a little while, but then I feel as if all eyes are on me, staring at my sad face and ragged appearance, (since I don’t even feel like getting dressed for the day or taking a bath and I rarely do), and laughing when they see that I’m having a hard time answering a question. In fact, my mom has become so concerned about me spending most of my time in my room, sleeping or on the computer, if not crying, so when she took me to the mall on Friday morning, she asked me what was going on.
I had to tell her the truth this time. At first she was a little angry, but she knew better than to get mad at me, and just took my hand as a tear rolled down my cheek, then an other and I began to blush and sweat of my own shame.
Then when we got off the car, she hugged me and told me it’s ok. I feel as if I’m dying inside, so poor of love, so empty and yet so full of questions and no answers.
On Saturday mom asked me how we were going to handle the situation, but I was afraid to answer because if I answered Yes, I didn’t want her to tell me that I was only taking advantage of the situation, and if I said no, that I was being mean and not sensitive enough, believe me, this is the time when I am the most sensitive.
Well, at least something good has to come up from my summer vacation, and that is an inflatable boat I gave my dad for father’s day. With that, when I go to the pool and sit on it, I can pretend that I’m sailing with Philippe or that he’s holding me in his arms as I lie on it.
Yesterday, when I called Steven for father’s day, he finally told me that he still missed me. That must mean that he might forgive me, right?
I also heard Britaney’s voice in my sleep telling me that meant he wanted to try to forgive me, maybe I should just give him time to think about it.
I missihim too, both of them, but I know for a fact I can’t have Philippe, so I just want to work things out with Steven.

Well, gotta go, today is mom’s day off so she’s probably going to want me to go do something with her.

Laters:
H I L
When you hit bottom, where do you turn?

Completely Hopeless

Today was the big day, the day that would determine a big part of my destiny, and the direction I’m going to take in my life.
I started the morning by getting down on my knees and praying to Scheyler and God that his wife would stay in prison for at least 2 years, crying bitterly and promicing with tears in my eyes that if I only had one more chance, I would try to prove Philippe that he and I are meant to be together, just one more chance, that’s all I needed.
Not even the slidest possibility of a chance, I even refused to go out with mom to wait for Philippe’s call right at 2, because I told him to call me as soon as he finds out.
So I waited in the bathroom, because that’s the only room in this house with a lock, and locked myself in there because I knew that I might cry after he gave me the answer, I was right. He called me after court, and told me straight up, “She’s coming back in 2 weeks”. I felt like he had just stabbed my heart with a knife. Not even a year, not even a month, but two weeks! All of a sudden I dropped on my knees and tried to hold back my tears but it was useless, I was weeping helplessly. My prayers were in vain, my hopes were gone, and I was devastated and started feeling as if I am a ghost, something that doesn’t exist.
My heart was torn into pieces with grief, and he knew he hurt me but I told him to tell me everything as soon as he found out, oh, it hurts! Yes!, but it will be better for me in the long run.
He told me he felt ocward being there with me, but he didn’t say anything not to hurt me. Now it’s all clear. He also told me he’s been praying for me today, but what good does that do now after he’d hurt me?, I don’t know.
He said he was coming to Houston tomorrow and he wanted to come see me, but I don’t want to see him right now because I’m too hurt and I feel like I might burst into tears at any minute. I probably would want to see him if I was at home, but this is my parents house and they don’t really know how hurt I am, and I’m afraid of letting them know because I know they might laugh at me if I did or tell dirty jokes about it, they’re good at that.
I’ve also talked to Cokie, and she thinks I should go back to Austin, since I have more independence there and can make my own decisions.
Well, gotta go now, laters.
H I L
with a broken heart and shattered hopes

A smingin of hope

It’s been so many days before I talked to Philippe again, and now I know why.
He called me yesterday, when I was still asleep, and told me that he still doesn’t know when his wife is coming back.
“She’s going to court on Thursday, so we have to wait until then to find out when she’ll be back. It could be next Friday, or it could be 3 years from now, we don’t know”. In my mind I was thinking: Good, at least there’s some hope for us, even if it’s a smingin of hope that could be gone by next week.
He also told me that Steven may not be the right one for me, and that he wants to help me find somebody else. I cried at the thought,who does he think I am?, a hoar?
And what if that new person does the same thing he did to me?, I don’t feel like I’m fit to love anyone else ever again, my heart is wounded!
I discussed these thoughts with him, but he doesn’t seem to get it, he doesn’t really understand that he is that special someone, He is the one I’ve been waiting for all my life. I thought it was Steven, but if Steven isn’t the one, then who?
All I hope and pray for now is that she stays there as long as possible, or that she leaves him and goes back home to her family.
If that happens, I know he will feel lonely again, and he would probably take a chance on me for a few years before he decides whether he would stay with me, or go to his wife.
Well, got to go now, more updates about this and other stuff next week.
Laters:
H I L, a smingin of hope is better than nothing at all!

Imagination

After all this and what Philippe told me, I still find it impossible to believe that the bitch of his wife is coming back, though I must accept it. It is the price I’m having to pay for what I did to Steven, or my luck, or both, I don’t know. IT is a pain that I can’t express, especially here in this house, I still have to smile at my mom and play with my little sister, and I still have to talk to them when they talk to me.
After those few nights of crying and praying, I am beginning to resign myself to love him only in my dreams, in secret, and that it was only an illusion, nobody will ever really love me and if someone did, it would be Steven. If only he would forgive me, take me back, tell me that all the hurt is over and that we can start fresh again. But it would be too unfair of me if I asked him to be like he was before or even to forgive me, because I know that even if we were back together nothing would be the same.
I spent part of the afternoon going swimming with my little sister even though I didn’t feel like it, and while I was in the water with her I would imagine Philippe holding me and I would take my little sister in my arms as I wished Philippe was holding me, and when I lay back on the water and stayed afloat, I imagined Philippe holding me and telling me: “we’re flying, reach out”, as he did when we were in the pool, and I said: “I’m reaching for the stars”. Then he would say, “you got one?, and I would reply, “I got two,
One for me and one for you”.
Everytime I visit my mom’s gardin, I imagine Philippe walking beside me, and putting a flower on my hair, caressing it gently, softly and tenderly like he did when he took me back home.
In my dreams I would lie next to him, be in his arms, kiss him, hug him, and even listen to him play the guitar like he did when we first met, and then everything would start all over again.
I often dream about my lucky night, and sometimes I can imagine him with me even if I’m not awake.
I tried to stop talking to him on the phone, but I have an odd feeling that I just can’t or I’ll miss him even more, so we still talk every night.
Yesterday he said he was praying for me in the sailboat, and I was just so amazed that even if he lied he would do something like that.
What I also do a lot, is fake smiles. I don’t really feellike smiling at anyone, not even to myself, but I do it for my family, and it’s becoming a little harder each day, so much so, thatI’m afraid that mom would notice that something else is going on now and ask me what it is. No way, if I tell mom,then she would surely tell me to stay here for good, not just offer.
I haven’t talked to Philippe last night,only once before I went swimming with my little sister, so I miss him even more now as if I haven’t seen him in years. What would happen if I see him again?, I wonder, as I lie on my bed, in this lonely room, if I had to be his friend,
that’ll bee all right with me in fact, but I don’t ever want to meet his wife, I don’t ever want to talk to her, to get to know her, or have anything to do with her, no, I would die, I would faint, or run, or scream, but I could not do it.
I think the saddest, but safest choice I have would be to stay here, though as I heard my dad and my big sister arguing when my dad was helping my little sister and I to get off the pool, sometimes the idea of staying here seems a little scary and very depressing.
So I spend long hours in my room most of the time, just as I did today, relying on my imagination as the only way for me to feel closer to him, and hope that time would heal my wounded heart.

With shattered hopes, H I L.
There must be some way out of this.

She's coming back!

I think it’s about time he told me the truth. All of this week, I’ve been thinking about him, picturing us together, trying to get over Steven to be with him, trying to learn some French, etc, for nothing! I was even looking forward to him coming to meet my parents some day!
It all started when I called him on Wednesday night, I was just waking up by then, and then we’ve been talking for a while before he told me the inevitable: “I don’t really want to say this,” he said, “but I cannot be with two people at the same time, I cannot be with my wife and with you, I have to make a decision and I know it’s going to hurt”.
“what do you mean?”, I asked him.
“You know I’ve become very attached to you , I like you and I miss you, but I have to be true to you and to myself, I’m sorry”. With tears in my eyes, I asked him, “Is she coming back?”
“soon, she’s coming back soon, in 3 months. I’m sorry, I know you’re crying, I really didn’t want to hurt you.”
“did you just find out that she’s coming back?”, I asked him.
“No, I knew all along that she was coming back but I didn’t think she would come back to me.
I just didn’t want to hurt you, I’m sorry”. He kept saying. “I’m crying too, so I’ll call you tomorrow. Goodnight”.
I lay in my bed speechless, and it felt to me like if I could no longer trust anyone, as if I am no good for love anymore. I can only wish, I thought, and dream about him and maybe I should just love him in secret and do things with him that I can’t tell anyone, just him and me. We could’ve been so happy together!
I called Bianca and told her what just happened, and she told me that I shouldn’t consider going back to Steven, though I can try.
I cried all night after that and I talked to Britaney, and when I told Cokie about it, she just said:
“I told you, he’s married”.
Yesterday I called Steven because Britaney said I should call him, but I don’t think he will forgive me anymore, maybe we should just be friends with both of them, but if he doesn’t forgive me, then I am staying here with my parents and avoid getting hurt even more.

Well, there’s no more to tell, so I’ll write more next week.


Desperate H I L. Will I ever find true love?

Things to do after breaking up

All this time that I have in my hands, is pretty much all about learning to prove myself that I can live without Steven.
I started doing that by calling my friend Bianca and telling her about the hard time I’m having with the decision, and she told me to start off by breaking the CD’s he gave me, deleting all his music and the poems I wrote for him, in short, to stay away from anything that reminds me of him, even those computer sounds he made for me.
I am so glad he didn’t give me many things, just a lot of heartache and tears secretly hidden and covered by dreams.
Breaking the CD’s is kind of dangerous because I’m running the risk of being caught by my mom and I almost did, not to mention that the little pieces of the glassy material can jump off and caught me in the eye, but I have to do it because if I just throw them away or hide them in a drawer, I know that the next time I come around my mom will pick them up and play them in front of me like she did that Britney Spears CD.
Not only that, I spent a whole night getting rid of his music and his 2 notes, cheep notes.
The next day I was in for a challenge. On Monday, everyone on the family came, and then I was waken up by my mom, who asked me if I wanted to go swimming. I went swimming with my little sister, but then I went to lunch, or was it dinner?, I didn’t know because I was still half asleep.
It didn’t feel right to me going swimming without Philippe, so I was for a moment, glad to be out of the water.
When I was at the dinner table, however, my aunt and my grandma were there, and they were all asking me about the one thing I didn’t want to remember: Steven. “Are you 2 doing Ok?, Why did you gguys break up?, you both looked so nice together!, what happened?, are you sad to lose him? …”, were only a few of the questions they asked, and each of them felt as if they were thorns piercing my heart and opening the wound that had just started to heal. I was ashamed to cry, however, afraid that everyone would see my despair and pepper me with questions even more. Thank God my dad showed up, and I told him to call my mom and when she showed up I told her to bring me back inside so I can go to the bathroom. I cried silently, not a lot, but just enough to help me not to go insane.
Then I wiped away my tears and came back in here, called Philippe and talked to him for a while before his soothing voice lulled me to sleep.
I kept sleeping and waking up, until mom came in and told me they were gone. From that day on, she said she wanted to do something with me every morning before she went to work, such as going to the park or going on a bike ride, but I just don’t really feel like anything.
When I went to the L Y C’s breakup section, I read about doing things such as going for walks, getting rid of anything that brings memories of the relationship, and journaling, well, I do that all the time with this blog, so on Wednesday I accepted going to the park with my mom in the morning. I’m still very depressed, however, not because I feel sad about losing him, as people around me believe, but still unable to shake that feeling of silent sadness and shame away from me permanently, it always comes back. I still spend most of the day in bed or on the computer, and I also found an online course on YouTube to help me learn French, and a French radio station on the internet, because anything French reminds me of Philippe these days, and I’m trying to thing more of him, and less of Steven, since I found out that is the most effective way to counteract my feelings for him and move on faster than just trying to forget about him.
Yes, I am learning a little French, enjoying French music, listening to funny stories, etc, but the moment I think I moved on, it hits me again, and again, and I feel like I’ll never get over him.
I feel very tired most of the time, even if I don’t do much, but though sometimes I sleep a lot, many other times I feel restless, especially at night.
I am also working on a poem called “Still alive”, but as slow as I’m going, I don’t know if I’ll ever finish it.
I brought a Braille book to read with me, but since my mind is so restless and wondering, I would only read the first few lines before I would put it down and go to sleep, so I just listen to stories on mp3, or just music.
I went swimming again just this afternoon, and right now I’m getting sick, I’m getting a cold.
In short, it’s been crazy for me all this time, for a moment it feels like I’m moving on and I’m happy when I think of Philippe, but in a few minutes, I still feel almost like crying when the traces of Steven’s love pop back up in my memory.

Well, gotta go now, I’m listening to a French radio that’s really ausom, and I’m waiting on a phonecall, so I’ll be back later.

H I L

Poem of the week: The Night will Come

The night will come,
When the past is gone,
When we can dance til the break of dawn,
The night will come when you and I,
Will become one, and as one we’ll fly.

The night will come,
When everyone will know I found you,
When everything will become new,
When our dreams will finally come true.

All I ask of you is time,
Time to think, to make up my mind,
Time to get over my past,
Before moving to a new era of my life.

When It comes, we’ll both know,
And then, together, we’ll go,
To a place where nobody knows,
and where our happiness will grow.

The night will come, I don’t know when,
But I know it will, somehow, some day,
And when it does,
It will change our lives in a special way.

Breaking up has not been an easy thing to do, I’m having to pay for it, and how painful is the price. No, not losing him because I was the one who broke up with him, but the trace he left, his memories, and the songs we used to sing together, my mom’s acceptance, and everything in between hurt like hell. For a moment, when we broke up, I thought I was already over him and moving on, but then because of all those memories, I realized I wasn’t.
Yesterday, when my mom and I talked about him, she told me that he was almost like part of the family, it’s one of the wonders our love had done.
We took my sister’s puppy to the vet, and then in our way home, I heard that song “far away” that he sang to me last year in our first night together, and I almost felt like crying because I felt my heart aching with those memories.
All throughout the week I didn’t feel like doing almost anything except sleeping, getting on the internet, or talking on the phone.
Although I am trying to get over Steven, it’s hard for my open wound to heal if my mom and others keep asking me about him.
Beyond that, though, and in spite of all the nostalgia and the melancholy, everything is working quite as planned. Philippe is at least trying to give me the strength to not to fal apart and go back to him for forgiveness, and to start making plans for moving on.
Steven and I haven’t talked since Sunday, it’s all gone, our hopes of going back together, and I rather not talk to him, than call him and hurt his feelings and my own heart even more.
I’ve been spending most of the time sleeping or reflecting on this situation, getting on the internet and finding things that are helping me to move on, such as breakup songs and empowering songs and videos in you-tube.
During this reflection week I’ve also learned that Philippe really loves me, and yesterday he told me he did some soul-searching to find out if this is the right decision for him, he says he wants to be true to me. Wow! I tried to go soul searching myself, but my little sister interrupted me so I couldn’t really do it.
I also talked to Cokie and Bianca yesterday, and it’s good to know they’re not mad at me for this because I know mom is, I know she totally disagrees with me about leving Steven to be with someone else, so it’s hard for me to talk to her nowadays, that I’m running the risk of being made to stay here in Houston for the rest of the year.
Well, got to go to Dreamland, but before I go, I going to post my latest poem, “The Night will come”, I wrote it thinking about Philippe!
I’ll write some time next week, laters
H I L

Our last few days together

Hay, it's the start of a new week for me, not just a new week, but a new era of mmy life, my first week without him.
Our last few days together were kind of odd, though we tried to make the best of it. I had very little time for him then because I was either asleep in the morning, or out with Philippe at night. There, I finally learned to spell his name correctly, the French way. Philippe is so sweet, such an angel always! With Steven, he was always my king and I her devoted slave, well, except on our first few days. I was always there to do whatever he wanted me to do, but with Philippe, it's the other way around. He thinks I'm his queen, a princess, leving everythingsin my hands, and staying up with me if I want him to. Its because of him that I've been having ceveral big, romantic dinners at his house, with him always getting what I needed right in front of my hands.
He took me swimming almost everyday for the last week I was in Austin, so Steven and I had only a few hours to spend together, although most of that little time we had he spent it playing that stupid computer game.
On Thursday night I was planning on going home early to go to bed with Steven, but Philippe and his friend John threw up a goodbye party for me, with our own catering and evrything. Then Philippe played his guitar, sang and even cried a little, and then went to bed, went to bed! I still can't believe I slept over there, especially with him. I found myself still not used to sleeping with a new love, but hopefully if I take my time, that would help.
I went home at about 2 in the morning, but instead of going dancing, I went straight to bed with Steven. He was still asleep and maybe didn't even hear me coming to him, but I could not sleep at all that night, and after our book was over at 4:30, I went to the living room to finish copying some CDs I was recording for him, and to start thinking about how in the world am I supposed to break upp with him. We did talk about that on Wednesday, that we were going to go through what we call an evalluation period, to see if this is really the best thing to do, but I couldn't really remember the words I wanted to tell him to let him know that our relationship is over, instead, he went to the living room where I was, held me cloce, and took me to bed with him. We cuddled, we hugged, we kiss, and everything else as if it was just another of our good days, he distracted me off our breakup day with all of his charms that made me fall for him before Philippe was in the picture, and then we made love, hard, wildly, as if he was trying to get to me with all his strength and energy. So wild was the way he did what he did, that when we were done, I was almost out of breath and thirsty.
"what an odd way to say goodbye on our agreed breakup day", I thought, and then he kissed me again, and again, and again! His kisses did not seem as long as Philippes and their charm felt as if it had lost most of its power, but I was happy and sad at the same time to let him go. By then of course, I forgot all about breaking up with him like I was supposed to, and he didn't have much time left before he had to go to work.
He just held me tight, then he got up to change and get ready, he said he loved me, and left as if sure I was going to go back to him.
I was not just stunned, but disappointed, today we were supposed to break up! what kind of a separation is that, acting as if I'm coming back? I felt my head ache as if exploding with questions, but no time for tears. I just had to pack up, then had some serial and took a shower. Then I left my poem "bag of dreams" at the top of his computer table, and under some books, I left a note that read "I love you darling, but it's time for you to let me go", folded it up, and left.
I took a cab to the bus station, bought my ticket, and got on the bus, thinking about the foolishness of the day, as if he hasn't taken me seriously when I told him that this is a time for me to think about what I'm doing, away from him. It turned out to be more than that actually, it's also a time to prove myself that indeed I can leave without him perfectly fine. I'll miss him, of course, but things are most definitely not what they used to be, and as much as I loved him since the day we met, it/s as if that sparkling fire has become an old flame that was now, not just dying, but barely alive, barely noticeable.
I hadn't had anyssleep thursday night, so I took a nap during the trip, letting my mind wonder about what just happened until it was exhausted.
When I got here to Houston, I was still tired, also because the stupid driver would stop almost every hour, shouting "We're here", not saying where, and I heard people getting out.
Then my mom and my sisters came to pick me up, but I know that mom knew from the moment she saw me that something was not right, also because everytime she asked about Steven, I changed the subject or just told her we were OK.
Anyway, we went to a concert, which was v cool, and we danced a lot and had fun.
Saturday I just stayed home, slept almost the whole day except early in the morning when my little sister wanted to play with me, and just relaxed, trying to just sleep everything off my mind, still unable to tell anyone here about my situation.
Then yesterday, I woke up really late, almost at 2, and since my little sister wasn't home and my dad had someone here, I went back to sleep, then I talked with Bianca for a while.
A while after I talked to her, it dawned on me. I just had to call Steven to find out if he realized that we were separating, or if he still thought I was coming back to him. I hesitated before I called him, thinking it was a foolish decision. Well, foolish, but wise at the same time. Not long after I began to say Hi to him, he started talking to me as if we already did what we were supposed to do.
First he asked me why I left my poem Bag of Dreams on his table. I told him that I thought he should keep it with him, that it's all his, I don't want it anymore. He didn't really understand why, but he said he'll keep it, even if he didn't agree with the idea of deleting my poems.
Then he told me, as if he knew what was on my mind, "did you think I didn't know that this wasn't just a trip?
I had to admit that was exactly what I wanted to know, but I was also calling to say hi, to.
"I might find my own place by the time you come back", he added. "That would be easier for me", I told him, "and for me", he told me. I wanted to ask him why, but had an odd feeling that if I do, it would only make it harder on him, so I just shut up and listened.
We talked for a moment, not only about our breakup, but about our day, not much on my part, and then we just decided to be friends from now on and learn to live with our new situation, this new love that keeps popping up in my head.
He said he likes making me laugh just as he did before, and that he hopes he's always funny to me, it's always good to have someone to lean on, even if it's my ex!
The thing would be, if I see him again, especially when Philippe and I are going out on our first few days, how would I be able to resist to his cuteness, his body, his charms?
Well, then the hard part came out, which was, to tell my mom at least part of what I'm going through so that she won't be so worried and I might be able to clear up my head a little from the thoughts that are slowly tormenting my mind.
Then I called my mom and she said we were going to grandmas.
I waited here for her, and then when we went to grandma's and people asked me about Steven, I said he's OK but he's leaving pretty soon. I tried to give them as little information about him as possible without offending them, and then I couldn't wait til we got home. When we got here is when my mom walked the dogs and said she wanted to talk to me, I was lucky my sister took me to her and then we had a long talk.
I didn't give her all the detail about who this new person was or anything like that, I just told her the basic part of my situation: that we were breaking up because there is a new person I'm in love with.
Mom absolutely does not agree with me going out with him, especially because she thinks I'm going to live with him, but she also told me to take my time, patience, so far so good.

Well, I got to go for now, more updates next time.

Bye

H I L